To have 'humiliated' my MIL

[ImALurkerNotAFighter]

MIL has an awful tendency to do 'penis portions'. I'd avoided staying with her for a few years, as when breastfeeding she'd served up a tiny inadequate meal, then told me she hadn't done a plate for DS as 'he could just have some of mine' This was on top of sly little digs about my weight.
So MIL wanted us to stay this weekend so she could spend time with the DC. DH usually goes alone but apparently as I'm free this weekend it would be rude for me not to come. They very kindly babysat the asleep DC while we went to the pub. This morning MIL does breakfast for us and SIL and BIL. I get 1 small sausage, 1 half piece of bacon, 1 egg and a small slice of dry toast. MIL and SIL have similar. DH, FIL and BIL get 3 large sausages, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, beans and black pudding. I asked MIL if there was any more, she looked shocked and said no.
I was very cross at this point and walked round the table, took half the sausage, black pudding and beans off a very quiet DH to even it up (we were both left with pretty equal quantities) and sat back down.
MIL feels I have humiliated her, and 'at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast '. I'm a size 18, so yes, fat.
I'm fuming and want to leave now. DH wants to stay and take them out for lunch as planned.
I know there are mumsnetters out there who believe the wimminz should subsist on a lettuce leaf and a sniff of meat, but sensible people of mumsnet WIBU? AIBU to pack the DC and leave?

If I plate food, I do so on the basis that an adult female is approx 2/3 the size of an adult male, and do portions accordingly.

My mum will serve my dad and DBro the biggest portions because they are 6"4 and eat that much. She serves DN smallest potion - because he's 5! She then serves my sister and her equal portions and me and ds (12) equal portions slightly smaller.

None of us get measley potions though! My mum has just got adept I've the years of knowing just how much we all eat - and always offers more.
She also asks us all what we want out of what's on offer - so we'd be offered everything and adjust portions dependent on how much variety of items we want.

But mil did not serve op 2/3 of what dh was served

I am slightly perplexed that so many people think that men and women should eat exactly the same, when men need about 20% more calories a day than women

I am slightly perplexed too. That people don't realise your calories need to be based on your height, weight and activity levels rather than your sex. Being male does not automatically mean you require 20% more calories than the woman sat next to you.

And besides, who the hell are you to effectively "police" what your guests eat? Everyone here gets exactly the same, with enough left for seconds (and thirds which can be frozen if uneaten) for whoever wants it

OCSockOrphanage MIL was probably trying to help make dieting easier for you

What a disgusting attitude. Why would anyone believe that they have the right to force someone else onto a diet. A grown adult can make her own choices about when to go on a health drive and when to enjoy their food. I would want nothing to do with someone who felt they had the right to make that kind of decision for me.

If I plate food, I do so on the basis that an adult female is approx 2/3 the size of an adult male, and do portions accordingly

Huh? Why would you do this?

Well exactly
5ft 6 man, office worker, plays computer games at night
5ft 11 woman, manual job, goes to the gym and lifts heavy weights
Doesn't always follow men need more

I am slightly perplexed that so many people think that men and women should eat exactly the same, when men need about 20% more calories a day than women.
Somewhat irrelevant. The OP was hungry on this occasion and was refused food. Overall we may need 500 cals fewer, but we are allowed not to be hungry after our breakfast if we choose.

I'm so hoping you went for lunch, ordered 3 courses, at with your hands, licked your fingers and rubbed your belly after.

I don't think it is my job as host to decide how much people can eat (obviously within the limits of what food is available). If I was serving a friend breakfast I would ask each person how much they wanted 'how many sausages for you IamALurker,.... one egg or two' etc. Surely that's manners, not appointing yourself food monitor.

Glancing over this thread, I understand why there are so many fat people around!

Glancing over this thread i understand why there are so many issues around weight and food in society these days. For every overweight person that has issues with food, there's another at the other end of the spectrum getting their knickers in a twist over a perfectly normal sized portion of food. Neither is healthy, but one end sure tends to be less judgmental.

If I was feeding Ollivander, I think I would work it out. In my family, the rule of thumb is physicality of work, height, weight and appetite. My DH is 6'5" and used to do a very physical job. Now he eats about 1/3 more than me and that keeps his weight steady. I am small, but energetic, and like to stay reasonably lean (not skinny) because I am comfortable at that point.

However, DMiL is always on on SIL to diet, not least because she has dodgy knees and ankles on a tiny frame that she insists is not weight related. Sorry, it is!

My grandparents and mum and aunts used to do it. The men of the family need more food than children or females because the men are working men and larger than females. Growing up it was just accepted and nothing personal. It was just what happened in those days. I'm not old I'm 48.

OC what your sil eats has absolutely fuck all to do with your mil. Or you for that matter.

I assume that your sil is an adult and has no issues surrounding capacity?

Because penis portions are obviously helping fat women to realise they need to lose weight, according to OC

MIL is only concerned that SIL is unhappy because she's obese.

That's SIL's decision to make, not your mil's.

Neither my mum or my MIL do this. My mum is a feeder, and my MIL eats like a bird but is so hospitable that no-one has a hope of going hungry.

My granny was another matter, she was bird sized and ate like it. However she was married to a 6'7" chap and gave birth to two girls who went on to be tall with his big bones. She then spent their childhood berating them for being too big and 'unladylike' because they weren't like her, ignoring that they were taller than her by 12 and a completely different frame. My mum married a man with a tiny frame who was a wee bit shorter than her (she is 5'11" and my aunt is over 6') yet my granny used to pile his plate high and tut at the rest of us.

We loved the bones of her and she was a fierce little thing who would defend her family to the death, but she was a pain in the arse around food.

It's NOT "just what happened in those days" except in SOME families. LOTS of people don't do this, didn't do this!
I forgot to mention my own MIL in my previous "It's not generational" post - SHE wouldn't bloody do this either!

You are a guest. Accept her food graciously and go to Macdonald's later for a top up if you need to. It really isn't worth causing a scene.

Funny how women only appear to want to control what other women eat and not their male relatives.

People often accuse others of their own faults. So she humiliated you - and then accused you of humiliating her.