To have 'humiliated' my MIL

[ImALurkerNotAFighter]

MIL has an awful tendency to do 'penis portions'. I'd avoided staying with her for a few years, as when breastfeeding she'd served up a tiny inadequate meal, then told me she hadn't done a plate for DS as 'he could just have some of mine' This was on top of sly little digs about my weight.
So MIL wanted us to stay this weekend so she could spend time with the DC. DH usually goes alone but apparently as I'm free this weekend it would be rude for me not to come. They very kindly babysat the asleep DC while we went to the pub. This morning MIL does breakfast for us and SIL and BIL. I get 1 small sausage, 1 half piece of bacon, 1 egg and a small slice of dry toast. MIL and SIL have similar. DH, FIL and BIL get 3 large sausages, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, beans and black pudding. I asked MIL if there was any more, she looked shocked and said no.
I was very cross at this point and walked round the table, took half the sausage, black pudding and beans off a very quiet DH to even it up (we were both left with pretty equal quantities) and sat back down.
MIL feels I have humiliated her, and 'at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast '. I'm a size 18, so yes, fat.
I'm fuming and want to leave now. DH wants to stay and take them out for lunch as planned.
I know there are mumsnetters out there who believe the wimminz should subsist on a lettuce leaf and a sniff of meat, but sensible people of mumsnet WIBU? AIBU to pack the DC and leave?

Women competing about how little they eat makes me want to hit things, or people, or eat lots of sausages.

It's not generational. It's a good host/ shit host thing. Trying to educate your guests about portion sizes or sorting them into important (men)/ not so important (women) is crap hosting. I wouldn't visit if possible and if I had to, would smuggle food in.

Sorry, just wanted to say YESSS.

I don't think "oh this is for a man" or "this is for a woman" if I'm serving food. It's just, you know, food. Nice food.

Ah Mousse - your post made me smile in an ironic way, I got that you were being sarcastic!

And yet, you're right in some people's eyes.

How very dare the woman (OP) stand up for her rights to be fed properly - how very dare she Criticise the MIL for her parsimonious ways, and how very dare she rob her spineless DH of his excess breakfast to feed her own self? How RUDE of her. How CRASS. Perhaps she should realise that, being overweight, she's expected to subsist on only lettuceleaves until she loses all that excess?

Or, you know, back in the REAL world, her MIL could have given her a proper fucking breakfast. That portion would barely have done for my 9yo son, and he's thin as a whippet.

Perfectly reasonable, given all evidence shows politely asking for more beforehand has been done and is a complete waste of bloody time. That doesn't work so try something else. I toohowever would have told dh to be the one to come over and put half his meal on your plate. You are not starving him (doubtless what mil sees), he is caring for you. I wouldn't leave but I would also never ever back down on this again. I might need 500 calories a day less than dh but that is most meals the roughly same portion size.

She was rude.
You overeat. Sorry but you do if you are a size 18.
There's a middle ground.

Go out to lunch and only allow her to order off the child's menu

I would not be brave enough but direct is best and I admire those who are. Perhaps ask her if she is trying to educate you on portion sizes? Does she think she's the host of super size vs super skinny or something??

I would find this massively hurtful, and would want to run for the hills too, doing backwards v signs, muttering obscenities, and stuffing a burger down for good measure. But this would not make a happy family environment. Going out for lunch is the grown up thing to do. Good luck OP, hope your day is getting better x

That is up to no-one but the OP 2014. I overeat, and am quite happy with that. Not up to anyone else to forcibly change that though.

Take them out for lunch as planned. Offer her something from the child's section and order yourself something from the big plate menu

I'm not overweight and I'd think what she served you was a child's portion size - not for any adult whatever size they are.

Whether the op over eats or not 2014, that's none of the mil's business. Or anyone else's.

2014newme You overeat. Sorry but you do if you are a size 18

That wasn't the dilemma, and it's none of your business (or MiL's).

I do agree. Mil is totally out of order.
But doesn't change fact that the op eats too much.

You overeat. Sorry but you do if you are a size 18

I am a size 16 and I over eat. That's my business and my problem. I don't do it every day or at every meal (breakfast Monday to Friday is an 80 calorie yoghurt for example) but if I choose to overeat that is my choice. No reasonably competent adult with capacity to make their own decisions needs someone else to control their portion sizes, even if they do overeat.

Agree. Mil sounds a nightmare. But the op does eat too much or the wrong foods.

That is not for you or mil to suggest 2014.

Again - THAT's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. And it wasn't the question.

It was the op who suggested it. She said she was fat.

I'm a DiL and approaching 60. This 'Generational Thing' explanation has a lot to answer for. It is not any kind of excuse.

I'm not overweight and I'd think what she served you was a child's portion size - not for any adult whatever size they are.

This. My 7yo would eat more

But she didn't ask her MiL to control her portions

It's not generational because it's not something that everyone of that generation would do. My mother would be in her 70s by now if she was alive, would never have done it.
Her mother would never have done it.
My other grandmother would never have done it.
In fact, none of the women in my family would have done it.

The supposed "overeating" thing is a red herring.

The fact is that the men had huge portions and the women had small portions.