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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have 'humiliated' my MIL

999 replies

ImALurkerNotAFighter · 07/05/2017 11:22

MIL has an awful tendency to do 'penis portions'. I'd avoided staying with her for a few years, as when breastfeeding she'd served up a tiny inadequate meal, then told me she hadn't done a plate for DS as 'he could just have some of mine' Angry This was on top of sly little digs about my weight.
So MIL wanted us to stay this weekend so she could spend time with the DC. DH usually goes alone but apparently as I'm free this weekend it would be rude for me not to come. They very kindly babysat the asleep DC while we went to the pub. This morning MIL does breakfast for us and SIL and BIL. I get 1 small sausage, 1 half piece of bacon, 1 egg and a small slice of dry toast. MIL and SIL have similar. DH, FIL and BIL get 3 large sausages, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, beans and black pudding. I asked MIL if there was any more, she looked shocked and said no.
I was very cross at this point and walked round the table, took half the sausage, black pudding and beans off a very quiet DH to even it up (we were both left with pretty equal quantities) and sat back down.
MIL feels I have humiliated her, and 'at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast '. I'm a size 18, so yes, fat.
I'm fuming and want to leave now. DH wants to stay and take them out for lunch as planned.
I know there are mumsnetters out there who believe the wimminz should subsist on a lettuce leaf and a sniff of meat, but sensible people of mumsnet WIBU? AIBU to pack the DC and leave?

OP posts:
User99573864 · 07/05/2017 15:11

Women have lower calorie requirements than men.

Out of interest, are you overweight? Maybe she actually thinks she's being kind by helping you limit your calorie intake.

Gallavich · 07/05/2017 15:13

Ffs user read the thread. And change your username for god sake.

justgivemeamo · 07/05/2017 15:13

Maybe she actually thinks she's being kind by helping you limit your calorie intake

Grin Hilarious. I am slightly over weight, I suppose I would welcome help from mil to loose a few calories, if that help was a two way street, so I could help her with issues I feel she has. Grin

We could all take it in turns to help each other Grin

Bluntness100 · 07/05/2017 15:15

I think what's being objected to here is limiting and controlling women's portions and doing no such thing to the men. Couple this with the weight related insults and try fact it's happened before, it makes it very off on the part of the mother in law.

Navy, do uou do this, is this why uou ate defending it? Do you tightly control s female guests food allowance but not the men?

FixItUpChappie · 07/05/2017 15:18

I think the OP was extremely rude to her husband to just get up and take food off his plate and put it on her own.

Jesus parallel bloody universe doe of you live in! Hmm Rude is making a comment about anyone else's weight and rude is not challenging your mum when she makes a fucking obnoxious comment about your wife's weight. Basic social norms IMO.

NavyandWhite · 07/05/2017 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsHathaway · 07/05/2017 15:20

MrsHathaway, your husband is immensely tall! Respect if you have had his baby at your size.

I come up to his nipple. We have three tall sons. During pregnancy I looked like Mr Greedy Grin

On the point of what you were advised about portion size, don't you think the dietiticians in your case were advising that you shouldn't eat less than his portion, i.e. that that should be your minimum portion size? That's a bit different from the OP's case.

No, it was based on our relative BMR etc. My energy needs were genuinely 2/3 of his at the time.

MIL in the OP is serving all women less than half of the portion of all the men. I was using my experience of professional portion advice to show how far off the mark she was.

NavyandWhite · 07/05/2017 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 07/05/2017 15:21

Navy, I just couldn't remember off the top of my head.

Moussemoose · 07/05/2017 15:23

FixItUpChappie let me explain.
Rude is when a woman is assertive.
When a man is passive he is not rude but it is his mothers fault.
Making comments about weight is not rude - just concerned.
Serving guests what you want them to have is just normal.

Anyway you should only eat the amount I eat and I only eat air. It is a competition and if you fail and eat actual food you are probably one of those nasty feminists. And I bet you have short hair. Bitch

FixItUpChappie · 07/05/2017 15:28

Making comments about weight is not rude - just concerned.

no, I assure you it's rude. MIL is not the OPs dietician

BlueChairs · 07/05/2017 15:31

She was far more humiliating in her comments than you. If i were eating a full English, as a treat when with family, I would expect at least full pieces of meat Hmm and I am very small - it's common sense to feed people what they want rather than police their eating

ohfourfoxache · 07/05/2017 15:31

Oh course it's bloody rude!

The op's size and shape is absolutely fuck all to do with mil- or anybody else for that matter.

MrsHathaway · 07/05/2017 15:34

Pretty sure Mousse was being sarcastic ...!

paxillin · 07/05/2017 15:35

Nothing is quite as inhospitable as not enough food, especially when the important people (men in this family) do get enough. I can't imagine a worse hostess. "Enough" is different for different people, which is why most people over-cater. Although this is family, they should know how much is needed, which means this is deliberate.

Moussemoose · 07/05/2017 15:35

Yeah I was being ironic.

I thought the whole only eating air thing was a give away.

Women competing about how little they eat makes me want to hit things, or people, or eat lots of sausages.

EezerGoode · 07/05/2017 15:36

Wow...I'd be fuming too....hope you are on yr way home ,or home by now

ohfourfoxache · 07/05/2017 15:38

Sorry Mousse Blush

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 07/05/2017 15:39

The thing is I am currently trying to lose weight, being 5 ft 2, one of the reasons I have put weight on over the years is because DH cooks, and tends to portion out food equally, so I have for years been eating the same amount of food as 6ft 2 rugby playing DH who is about 2-3 stone heavier than me.

However, it is up to me to "police" that, not anyone else, even DH.

If I was a guest in someones house and I got served less, just because i was female, I would be pissed off. I like a cooked breakfast and if I am having one, I am going to damn well enjoy it and make it worth it. I will then adjust what I eat the rest of the day, since I am currently calorie counting. But that is a decision I have made for myself, not a decision someone else should make for me.

We generally (as we are both trying to lose weight) still have the same size dinners now, but they are smaller than they used to be and have changed somewhat. But he snacks more in the day and I have a more physically demanding job.

FixItUpChappie · 07/05/2017 15:40

Sorry Mousse Blush

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 15:48

Exactly Bears, I rarely eat a cooked breakfast, when I do, it has to be decent 1 sausage, 1 bacon, 1 egg, beans and half a slice of friend bread.

BarryKwipkee · 07/05/2017 15:48

Moussemouse, so easy to be totally misunderstood on line! FWIW I totally agree with your post 15.23!

Nanny0gg · 07/05/2017 15:49

I think it's a generational thing.

No it bloody isn't!

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2017 16:00

Jesus parallel bloody universe doe of you live in! Hmm Rude is making a comment about anyone else's weight and rude is not challenging your mum when she makes a fucking obnoxious comment about your wife's weight. Basic social norms IMO.

Of course all of that is rude.

As is walking up to someone and taking food from their plate.

Moussemoose · 07/05/2017 16:01

FixItUpChappie ohfourfoxache don't worry I know how easy it is for women to get emotional. You need to go and have a lie down. You are probably those 'women libber' types who like to eat lots of sausages.

I'm off to stare at an empty plate.