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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have 'humiliated' my MIL

999 replies

ImALurkerNotAFighter · 07/05/2017 11:22

MIL has an awful tendency to do 'penis portions'. I'd avoided staying with her for a few years, as when breastfeeding she'd served up a tiny inadequate meal, then told me she hadn't done a plate for DS as 'he could just have some of mine' Angry This was on top of sly little digs about my weight.
So MIL wanted us to stay this weekend so she could spend time with the DC. DH usually goes alone but apparently as I'm free this weekend it would be rude for me not to come. They very kindly babysat the asleep DC while we went to the pub. This morning MIL does breakfast for us and SIL and BIL. I get 1 small sausage, 1 half piece of bacon, 1 egg and a small slice of dry toast. MIL and SIL have similar. DH, FIL and BIL get 3 large sausages, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, beans and black pudding. I asked MIL if there was any more, she looked shocked and said no.
I was very cross at this point and walked round the table, took half the sausage, black pudding and beans off a very quiet DH to even it up (we were both left with pretty equal quantities) and sat back down.
MIL feels I have humiliated her, and 'at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast '. I'm a size 18, so yes, fat.
I'm fuming and want to leave now. DH wants to stay and take them out for lunch as planned.
I know there are mumsnetters out there who believe the wimminz should subsist on a lettuce leaf and a sniff of meat, but sensible people of mumsnet WIBU? AIBU to pack the DC and leave?

OP posts:
KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 07/05/2017 14:46

This thread is making me really hungry for a fried breakfast.

NavyandWhite · 07/05/2017 14:47

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itsmine · 07/05/2017 14:49

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ohfourfoxache · 07/05/2017 14:50

There would have been plenty for everyone had mil been fairer in her portions.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 14:51

Don't be silly Navy!

NavyandWhite · 07/05/2017 14:52

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Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 14:53

Exactly Ohfourfox, so op went and evened it out a bit by taking some of her dh. Good I hope its taught them both a lesson. That should never have happened in the first place!

NavyandWhite · 07/05/2017 14:54

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Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 14:54

The ladies should have gotten 2 sausage, 2 bacon, 1 egg, a black pudding and some beans, but MIL seemed to miss out the ladies when it came to the beans and black pudding, sexist crap!

ohfourfoxache · 07/05/2017 14:55

There wasn't any food left because the mil is a sexist, passive aggressive fuckwit

NavyandWhite · 07/05/2017 14:56

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Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 14:57

Right Navy I will explain to you properly as you clearly do not understand. If MIL is expecting X amount of people, she has to get the appropriate amount of food, which it seems she did not! She then should have dished it out equally, which she did not, giving the women substantially little, and the man too much. If she had dished it out equally, or catered properly, there would have been enough food, which there was not. Op husband sat back and did nothing, op tired of this constant behaviour from MIL takes matters into her own hands, asks for more, is told in a horrified voice, no, and takes her stupid cabbage like husbands to even it up. Good on her! I would not be going there again only for an hour for a cup of tea.

Dragongirl10 · 07/05/2017 14:58

She was rude about your size, and very insensitive...but if she gave herself and SIL the same as you, why do you think you are being singled out? Do not many women eat less than their DPs?

I don't have the same portion size as my DH, he is 6ft something , l am 5 ft nothing......lf l had friends over l would give the women slightly less, but make sure there was plenty of extra on the table to add, with a 'please help yourself'

Mil was very rude to dictate your portion size, but not sure it requires such anger.

Have you tried speaking to her politely, and saying you are left hungry at those portion sizes and please could she suppy you with the same size meals as DH?

l would think it very difficult for her to refuse...

Bluntness100 · 07/05/2017 14:59

I think as this is a historical issue that the husband was aware of and the mother in law has previous on, the ops behaviour was fair. I've no clue why her husband didn't just immediately offer and say here have some of mine. Most folks would. None of the men offered, they could clearly see the portion differential and all had very large platefuls. I find it weird no one offered.

NavyandWhite · 07/05/2017 15:00

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Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 15:00

Why are the men happy that the ladyfolk have substantially less then them, and offer them some of theirs. They and op dh said nothing. Not very nice, keep not going to hers op.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 15:02

Yes I agree that Navy, I have said that would have been enough for me if I was going for lunch later, but I would have liked some beans as I don't like my cooked breakfast dry. I think op was fed up of her treatment by MIL in the past, and this was the icing on the cake.

ohfourfoxache · 07/05/2017 15:02

It may have been enough for you Navy- if so then brilliant!

But it wasn't enough for op.

And the husband knew this. He knew it had happened before. And he knew what would happen if mil did it again.

NavyandWhite · 07/05/2017 15:03

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Bluntness100 · 07/05/2017 15:06

-She should ask how much her guests would like to eat rather than presuming that they want a normal portion though

Surely a "normal"portion differs by person and why were the men not assumed to want a "normal " portion just the women? , a portion size varies by person and gender has little do with it.

itsmine · 07/05/2017 15:07

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gameofchance · 07/05/2017 15:07

If I plate food I always ask people how hungry they are and how much they want and ideally leave enough left in the kitchen for people to have more if they want. Personally I hate being given a massive mound of food - I prefer smaller amount and having option to eat more. OP Was there really nothing left and no option for you to say 'oh well never mind I'll go and make some toast (or eggs or whatever) as I'm still hungry.' Think taking food of someone else's plate was rude regardless of circumstances. I tell my toddler off for doing this

ohfourfoxache · 07/05/2017 15:07

The husband should have automatically shared his portion. Full stop.

I've been in a very very similar position. Dh nipped it in the bud early on and we now get much more equal portions.

Although mil tends to scrimp on food - 1 parsnip between 5, anyone? There is never enough but what there is, dh makes sure there isn't an enormous discrepancy.

NavyandWhite · 07/05/2017 15:08

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C8H10N4O2 · 07/05/2017 15:09

Navy as the OP has made clear in several of her posts this was not a one off issue it is a pattern going back years. She has asked for more, he DH has refused to support her hence she stopped going to iL house.

This was the first time in years and immediately she is given penis portions, DH refuses to support even after she asked for more.

The problem is MiL and DH not the OP. As ever its about women's food intake being controlled.