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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have 'humiliated' my MIL

999 replies

ImALurkerNotAFighter · 07/05/2017 11:22

MIL has an awful tendency to do 'penis portions'. I'd avoided staying with her for a few years, as when breastfeeding she'd served up a tiny inadequate meal, then told me she hadn't done a plate for DS as 'he could just have some of mine' Angry This was on top of sly little digs about my weight.
So MIL wanted us to stay this weekend so she could spend time with the DC. DH usually goes alone but apparently as I'm free this weekend it would be rude for me not to come. They very kindly babysat the asleep DC while we went to the pub. This morning MIL does breakfast for us and SIL and BIL. I get 1 small sausage, 1 half piece of bacon, 1 egg and a small slice of dry toast. MIL and SIL have similar. DH, FIL and BIL get 3 large sausages, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, beans and black pudding. I asked MIL if there was any more, she looked shocked and said no.
I was very cross at this point and walked round the table, took half the sausage, black pudding and beans off a very quiet DH to even it up (we were both left with pretty equal quantities) and sat back down.
MIL feels I have humiliated her, and 'at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast '. I'm a size 18, so yes, fat.
I'm fuming and want to leave now. DH wants to stay and take them out for lunch as planned.
I know there are mumsnetters out there who believe the wimminz should subsist on a lettuce leaf and a sniff of meat, but sensible people of mumsnet WIBU? AIBU to pack the DC and leave?

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 07/05/2017 14:29

MrsHathaway, your husband is immensely tall! Respect if you have had his baby at your size. Shock

On the point of what you were advised about portion size, don't you think the dietiticians in your case were advising that you shouldn't eat less than his portion, i.e. that that should be your minimum portion size? That's a bit different from the OP's case.

Surely the way to go with a cooked breakfast is to ask each person before you start '1 or 2 eggs? How many bacon rashers - 1, 2 or 3? Does everybody want beans and black pudding?' etc etc. That's what I would do. There are uses for leftover bacon, sausages and beans, but not for leftover fried eggs, and I hate food waste, so would only ever want to cook the exact number that were going to get eaten.

Having said that, I don't think any guest in my house has ever ended a meal feeling they could have eaten more. I cater on the generous side. I come from a Scottish family with a strong belief in the importance of feeding people up as a way of showing your hospitality.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 14:30

Op husbands food I meant, serves him right for not having his wife back and just sitting there like a cabbage, and serves MIL right for being extremely rude to op time and time again. I agree, sometimes it takes something like this, for change to happen.

NavyandWhite · 07/05/2017 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 14:32

Yes that would have been enough for me for breakfast as I am having lunch later, but would not suffice for a brunch when lunch is being skipped. That is not the point, the point is, that the portion sizes are grossly unequal for the ladies. Ladies hardly given anything, the men too much. Its the notion that men are god like beings and have to be worshipped and treated like kings.

MaQueen · 07/05/2017 14:33

Well, if this has been going on for years...I still don't understand why it wasn't nipped in the bud all those years ago, with just a straight forward and frank chat about food?

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 14:34

Because op has avoided her for some years, I think will continue this after today.

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/05/2017 14:34

Yes but a man didnt do it did he because there would never have been a situation where the man needed to do it in the MILs house. And if a man had been served half the sized portion based purely on his sex then I would have felt the same way, that his wife should have spoken up to her family about it and offered some of her food.

This non-argument is always trotted out when women are treated like shit and then have the audacity to stand up for themselves in the face of a useless spineless husband and a bitch MIL.

NavyandWhite · 07/05/2017 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaQueen · 07/05/2017 14:36

I also don't get all this 'Your useless DH should have stood up for you'. Er, why...?

My DH doesn't need to stick up for me, because I am a fully functioning adult, perfectly capable of politely fighting her own battles, and sorting out her own problems. I don't need DH to be my voice.

I do know he would be very Hmm at me flouncing about like a teen, and threatening him, and barking about packing up and leaving. As I would be if he pulled that sort of stunt.

Bluntness100 · 07/05/2017 14:36

To be fair if my husband knew of the issue he'd have said something very blunt like "why have you given thr women such a small portion are they on rations" he'd also immediately just put one of his sausages of whatever on my plate.

In fact if any guest asked for more it would be the norm for someone to say here have some of mine, the issue here was none of the women had enough to do that and none of the men were generous enough, they just sat their with their own heaped plates.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 14:36

Exactly Pyon, a women dared stand up for herself, and she is castigated on here by some.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 14:38

MaQueen in a relationship you would expect your partner to support you and have your back! Op husband should have therefore said, why has op got so little amount, when we have lots. You expect support from your partner, whether male or female.

NavyandWhite · 07/05/2017 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 14:40

Op asked MIL if she could have more, and she said no, op then quite rightly got some from DH plate, serves the cabbage right. If somebody had asked me for more, I would have been shocked and embarrassed as the host, and given them what I had. Mil is very rude and nasty and not a good host.

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/05/2017 14:40

But MaQueen the husband is part of the problem!

The OP asked if there was more, the reply was a horrified no and instead of offering some of his, as I or anyone else I know would have done, he just sat there. He didnt say anything to his mother, which again I would do to my mum if the situation was reversed. So the OP was making a point to him as much as to the MIL.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 14:41

Yes she did Navy she asked for some more and was told no. Which was extremely rude of MIL, considering she did have and gave the op and SIL considerably little.

NavyandWhite · 07/05/2017 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Couchpotato3 · 07/05/2017 14:41

I don't think you can change her behaviour, but you need to sit DH down for a straight chat. He needs to support you in future, and that has to include evening up portion sizes every time she does the serving up, and picking her up on digs about your weight. None of her damn business what you weigh or how much you eat.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 14:42

At that point I would be fuming, considering MIL past behaviour towards her, and her dh ineptness.

Couchpotato3 · 07/05/2017 14:42

PS. Hope you ate a very hearty lunch and enjoyed every mouthful!!

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 14:42

Navy that's the same ask asking if you can have more, why are you being obtuse!

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/05/2017 14:43

She was passive aggressive by taking his food instead of saying something like an adult

If you actually RTFOP you will see that she did speak to the MIL, who made it clear that no more food would be offered. Her husband did precisely fuck all so she took what she wanted as he clearly wasnt going to offer. She didnt "take it out" on anyone!

Or is it bless the poor men for having bitch wives who dare to want to be fed properly and their partners having their backs, as they would for their husbands?

NavyandWhite · 07/05/2017 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/05/2017 14:44

Navy always pull this shit on threads like this, especially when she is losing the argument.

Must not engage...........

ohfourfoxache · 07/05/2017 14:45

The "d"h should have given op food from his own plate without having to even say anything.

But then he's probably deep in FOG and I imagine he's scared to do anything to potentially upset his mother. Fuck the fact that his wife goes hungry Hmm

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