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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not showing up to surprise party.

319 replies

RuggerHug · 07/05/2017 08:56

If someone has been very clear over the years that they despise the idea of a certain type of party held in their honour, or in fact in general this type of party and someone goes ahead and organises one anyway. Is the 'guest of honour' then a total bitch if they make excuses and don't go on the day rather than pretend to be happy about it? I know pulling on big girl pants and looking at it as 'but they meant well' is what should be done but how bad exactly would it be to make an excuse? SadBlush

OP posts:
Goodythreeshoes · 07/05/2017 11:10

How dare people on this thread call you a bitch if you decide not to go.

Willow2017 · 07/05/2017 11:13

crikey
Yes I agree why are women unable to decide for themselves what they want? Why do we have to suck it up and do something we hate just to please everyone else who think they know what we should like better than we do?

dailystuck71 · 07/05/2017 11:13

I'd hate it too. I'd call friend. Tell her how upset you are after making it clear you do not like them. Tell her you will go to lunch but under no circumstances is there to be gifts, games, cards etc. It's up to her to tell those invited.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 07/05/2017 11:15

I would take myself off for the day with my phone off. They haven't checked you want this because they know you'd say no so are forcing you to do something they want you to find fun. They think they know you better than you know yourself.

Assume one friend is suppose to take you to lunch for your surprise? Send a text to that friend that you have double booked yourself and have an appointment you need to go to. Switch off phone, go out for Day.

FrancisCrawford · 07/05/2017 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 07/05/2017 11:20

No they're not a total bitch not to turn up. They must have always made their feelings clear about it.
I'd rather have all my teeth pulled out without anesthetic, than. Walk into a room and everyone pop up shouting surprise.
I honestly would die of embarrassment

SweetLuck · 07/05/2017 11:21

If someone in the group has told you that it's a baby shower, then you won't get away with the excuse.

RiversrunWoodville · 07/05/2017 11:22

I wouldn't go you have made it more than clear how you feel and yet this has been totally disregarded, I can't see how that makes you the bitch. I would simply be elsewhere and not remotely apologetic

Redcliff · 07/05/2017 11:23

I would go but don't blame you if you decide not to

Temporary2002 · 07/05/2017 11:27

I would not have any qualms about not going.

XiCi · 07/05/2017 11:27

So basically it's Sunday lunch with friends who are going to give you a few baby gifts? Is it really that much of a trauma to go along? I think you're being ridiculous.

redshoeblueshoe · 07/05/2017 11:31

Have you made a decision yet ?
I hate surprise parties. I would not attend.
I can't believe some posters think a pregnant woman should just suck it up

The friend knows she doesn't want this - so if anyone is a bitch its not the OP
Have a lovely day - whatever you decide to do Flowers

metalmum15 · 07/05/2017 11:35

Goody
They're probably the ones who like to organise surprise parties for people.

Willow2017 · 07/05/2017 11:42

xici
What about the possibility of decorated table, cake complete with sparklers being brought to the table etc etc . If it was definitely just a nice lunch it would be ok but a 'surprise baby shower lunch* would freak me out.

Yukbuck · 07/05/2017 11:47

This is a really frustrating situation especially if you specifically stated how much you hated baby showers. I think if you're not so worried about the surprise element then I would personally suck it up (I hate baby showers too) but mainly because I think they are grabby. And a few other reasons similar to yours (rather wait till after baby here safe etc..) it's a tough situation but I would just go and hopefully you will have a nice time :)

Original poster
RuggerHug · 07/05/2017 12:07

Sorry wasn't able to reply! It's meant to be a group of us going to lunch that was booked in awhile ago. If it's just a lunch with a little 'you're having a baby, here's a little cute thing from us all' added onto the end I wouldn't mind as much HOWEVER; friend has organised these before and it's been a whole hoopla which I want to avoid. If I knew either way what was happening I'd know but I think I'm going to ring her ask outright. Thanks for the replies, even ones saying I'm a bitch.

OP posts:
RebootYourEngine · 07/05/2017 12:08

I wouldnt go. You told your friend how you felt and they went ahead with it anyway.

NoSquirrels · 07/05/2017 12:08

I think the OP has gone to lunch...

NoSquirrels · 07/05/2017 12:09

Ha! X-post, obviously. Yes, ring her, I think it's best.

WickedLazy · 07/05/2017 12:13

"If you've made it clear in the past despite being a lovely friend they haven't listened to your wishes."

^

youarenotkiddingme · 07/05/2017 12:15

I'm totally with you on people not respecting others wishes in favour for heir own ideas of what people will enjoy.

However, playing devils advocate - is there any chance she's organised a lunch rather than an at home party as she thinks she's accommodating your wishes - albeit in a way you're not happy with? I'm wondering if in her minds it's a bit like " well it's just friends having lunch so jog a baby shower surprise party that OP wouldn't like"?

ohfourfoxache · 07/05/2017 12:21

Hope the conversation goes well Thanks

usernamealreadytaken · 07/05/2017 12:32

Good luck OP, hope it's a lovely, low key lunch with friends and a few presents x

GeekyWombat · 07/05/2017 12:32

Good luck with the conversation OP. You're not being a bitch.

Buxtonstill · 07/05/2017 12:42

Guinness - that is sooo controlling. I would have been angry and embarrassed that you had made such requests to my friends.