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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague cancelled on a volunteering event - WWYD

170 replies

MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 05:50

I am supposed to be volunteering at an event today (crowd control and afterwards to the VIP bash) my colleague sent a text message dusting the night to say that he is now not coming.

I am bloody furious with this as it leaves me in a tricky position, I said I would attend as he really wanted to go however did not want to go alone, I was supposed to be attending a christening today which I cancelled due to the event.

It also leaves me in a tricky situation with my friends company (they wrote to me asking if I had any colleagues wanting to help out) as they could not attend as they had another plans, that could not be rescheduled.

I don't want to attend this event by myself, as public transport is limited and roads are closed (due to the event) it will also take me an hour to get there, I just don't fancy attending this event alone and also doing it by myself.

I had a funny feeling he was going to do this as I over heard him saying he was going to cancel on Friday to another colleague however when I asked him he said he was talking about something else Angry

I only agreed as he begged me to attend with him.

However I feel bloody bad on the event organisers and that's what's stopping me from cancelling even tho I really don't want to attend.

My dh and friends can't come with me as they are all at the christening.

WWYD

OP posts:
WateryTart · 07/05/2017 05:52

Text back saying that if he isn't going, then you can'y get there so he needs to let the organisers know.

Text the organisers yourself and say he let you down for a lift and you're sorry but you can no longer help out.

Izzabellasasperella · 07/05/2017 05:54

I would go. You made a commitment I don't think you should bail now otherwise you are as bad as your colleague.

Lostwithinthehills · 07/05/2017 06:12

I think that if you want a get out then WateryTart has given you a good line, however, I agree with Isabella, you made a commitment and the organisers of the event might really struggle to run it if their volunteers drop out. If you cancelled other plans to go to this event you must have been quite keen to do it. If you weren't keen to do it and only agreed because your colleague wanted you to do it you'll need to think about standing up for yourself a bit more.

luckylucky24 · 07/05/2017 06:13

You shouldn't have agreed to go if you couldn't easily get there without him. What if he had been sick? I wouldn't trust him in future and would cancel and go to the christening.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/05/2017 06:21

I would go as you've made the commitment. I know it's not what you want to hear. And avoid said prick of a colleague in future. I'd also be sending a very snotty text about what a slimy idiot they are.

Blinkyblink · 07/05/2017 06:25

What a horrible man. Odd that you'd go so out of your way for him when he suspected he'd let you down.

Anyway, whilst I would be very annoyed in your shoes, I would absolutely go. If only to avoid the wretched guilt that I'd feel for letting them down at the last minute.

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 06:36

I can get there without him, I'd just have to get public transport, (dh is taking car) and with the roads closed I would have no idea what bus to get. I'm waiting for 8am so I can speak to the us company.

It's not something that I really wanted to attend tbh, he did and because my friends where struggling I said I would go on the condition that he did...

I don't need a backbone, honesty I will be handing his arse on a plate inn Monday.

I really honestly as well don't want to attend alone and crowd control by myself, I could bloody throttle his arse!

OP posts:
NoSandPlease · 07/05/2017 06:38

I wouldn't go. Sounds like he planned this! Just text back and say you were relying on him for a lift, public transport too unreliable or you don't have time to get bus/train.

Strikhedonia · 07/05/2017 06:41

can't you ask friends to give a life to your DH to the christening, and take the car? Even if the roads are closed, it would bring you closer, and arrange public transport from there?

Nothing stops you from texting your colleague and telling him that he really should make the effort, try to change his mind.

daisychain01 · 07/05/2017 06:43

If you don't have transport, you don't have transport, simple as that. I'd text him back and lay it on thick - does he realise that by him pulling out at the 11th hour means the event will lose 2 people. Put the onus on him to contact the organisers.

picklemepopcorn · 07/05/2017 06:47

Is it your friend's company, organising the event? I'm a bit confused.

Phone him, make sure he has told the organisers. Ask for contact info for the organisers so that you can ask them if they can manage without you. Make it really hard for him to pull out

Blinkyblink · 07/05/2017 06:47

Oh please don't ring the company about this. Surely today is going to be very busy for them, why hassle about such a trivial matter. In any event, what are you going to talk to them about.
Own it. You volunteered. You say you have a backbone. Prove it to yourself.

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 06:51

Strike I have replied to his text, however I have to be at the event meeting at 10.45, and looking at his Facebook, it looks Ike he had a skinful with his boyfriend last night...
So he will probably be still in his bed.

Dh and the kids fast asleep, I have emailed dh sister to ask if she could take me to the event, but shes not replied to the messages yet, I'd not I will have to get public transport

Dh need the car as even if we got a lift, We still need the car seat/boaster seat. Both DC are 11 (by law ds still needs his) and 7 year old is massive but because of his age we still have him his in seat.

Where we live is quite rural, it's not big city but not quite the countryside either.

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 07/05/2017 07:16

You offered to volunteer. It must be something you are interested in or feel strongly about to have cancelled attending a christening for.
Look at bus info online. Get a cab if you can afford it. Can dh drop you there before the christening? Could he get a cab if it's quite close? Children can travel without seats in cabs.

PennyAsset · 07/05/2017 07:17

Ring your friend and ask him why he has cancelled. Ring now!

NotYoda · 07/05/2017 07:23

Don't be like him. Don't be selfish.

DisappearingFish · 07/05/2017 07:29

I would cancel and go to the christening. And I would tell the organisers and your friend exactly why. He's a selfish arse and you should not have been put in this position. The event will have contingencies.

DancingPenguin1 · 07/05/2017 07:31

It sucks but you made a commitment, presumably your an adult so capable of independent choices not reliant on others. Don't you let them down too.

SouthWestmom · 07/05/2017 07:33

Is him being a colleague incidental? So your friend needed volunteers, you mentioned it at work and colleague said I will if you will to you?

StealthPolarBear · 07/05/2017 07:34

Sorry how do your friends fit into this? Do you have one group of friends going to rhe christening and another group at the event?

LindyHemming · 07/05/2017 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MargotLovedTom1 · 07/05/2017 07:38

It also leaves me in a tricky situation with my friends company (they wrote to me asking if I had any colleagues wanting to help out) as they could not attend as they had another plans, that could not be rescheduled.

It's this bit I don't understand. Who is 'they'? Your friend's company?

MythicalChicken · 07/05/2017 07:49

I don't like letting people down, so I would go. An hour on public transport is nothing. Even if it's longer than an hour, you committed yourself so you should go.

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 07:53

My friends run an events company, I run a large organisation (thousands of staff).

In my organisation we have a group of volunteers that sometimes help out my friends company (they get to attend concerts, VIP events, for volunteering their services and they get to go to the after parties afterwards etc...)

I sent an email out to the volunteers, and this event intreasted my colleague, REALLY interested him, however he did not want to attend alone, and because my friends where struggling finding crowd control staff, I offered my services on the condition that my colleague attended.

Friends have many staff and volunteers, however police think crowd control will be more than expected by 1000 or so, so they've had to scramble in more volunteers.

My friends are double booked and are at another event today, across the county.

The christening is mutual friends of me and my friends (not colleague) however none of us are attending (expect dh and ds's)

OP posts:
olympicsrock · 07/05/2017 08:01

You need to go. If you drop out you are as flakey as your colleague