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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague cancelled on a volunteering event - WWYD

170 replies

MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 05:50

I am supposed to be volunteering at an event today (crowd control and afterwards to the VIP bash) my colleague sent a text message dusting the night to say that he is now not coming.

I am bloody furious with this as it leaves me in a tricky position, I said I would attend as he really wanted to go however did not want to go alone, I was supposed to be attending a christening today which I cancelled due to the event.

It also leaves me in a tricky situation with my friends company (they wrote to me asking if I had any colleagues wanting to help out) as they could not attend as they had another plans, that could not be rescheduled.

I don't want to attend this event by myself, as public transport is limited and roads are closed (due to the event) it will also take me an hour to get there, I just don't fancy attending this event alone and also doing it by myself.

I had a funny feeling he was going to do this as I over heard him saying he was going to cancel on Friday to another colleague however when I asked him he said he was talking about something else Angry

I only agreed as he begged me to attend with him.

However I feel bloody bad on the event organisers and that's what's stopping me from cancelling even tho I really don't want to attend.

My dh and friends can't come with me as they are all at the christening.

WWYD

OP posts:
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 07/05/2017 08:57

You need to go.

Volunteer work is just unpaid work. If you make a commitment you can't just not turn up. Although not being paid you have been taken on to fulfil a certain role , and.you can't just drop in and out because that fucks everyone else up.

And your colleague is a dick.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 07/05/2017 08:58

Basically if you don't go you are no position to hand him his arse on a plate on Monday.
You're the boss - lead from the front woman! What's the matter with you?

PunjanaTea · 07/05/2017 08:58

redredrose it always puzzles me that on mumsnet people can't see that people need a different set of skills to run a business than the ones required to write a mumsnet post that would satisfy your preconceived notions and snobby attitude.

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 08:58

He hasn't I17 he has just text to say he won't be coming, I've tried calling him but to no avail.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 07/05/2017 08:59

You have to go. You have made a commitment to do it. Whether you now want to or not is irrelevant. If you flake out on them on the day of the event, then you are as bad as him.

airforsharon · 07/05/2017 09:00

Your colleague sounds like a bit of a bastard doesn't he, especially as - if what you overheard was correct - he'd been planning not to attend since Friday, but only sent you a text last night.

I hope you do hand him his arse on a plate on Monday (and it's rare for me to say that) as he's behaved immaturely and unprofessionally and has landed you - his work senior - in a bloody awkward position.

Hope the day pans out ok OP, and give him what-for on Monday.

diddl · 07/05/2017 09:00

Were you at all interested in doing this yourself, Op, or just in helping out a "friend".

Seems odd to choose this rather a family day at a Christening unless it really is important to you-in which case why would you even think about not doing it?

thepatchworkcat · 07/05/2017 09:03

I think people are being a bit harsh here. But I do think you have to go OP, as annoying as it is, otherwise you're as bad as your friend! Make sure he knows how much he's inconvenienced you.

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 09:03

Tissue no issue with getting a taxi, I don't mind getting the bus either.

This post AIBU wasn't really about transportation, (this tbh was easily solved) just didn't fancy this event alone.

That's not because I am unable to in any way shape or form. I just don't fancy doing it alone, however I cannot let my friends or the event down.

OP posts:
Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 09:05

Diddl just helping my friend really (she's an awesome friend) and when colleague wanted to go, I thought why not, kill 2 birds with one stone sort of thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 09:08

Well I best go, got a bus to catch and all that, have to dust the old converse off also Wink

Tbh this thread has made me fell even shittier than I already do, so I'm best stepping away.

Thanks for the comments everyone, have a lovely day.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 07/05/2017 09:08

I can get there without him, I'd just have to get public transport, (dh is taking car)

Which rather implies that if your DH didn't have the car,. then you'd be driving it.

TreeTop7 · 07/05/2017 09:09

Use taxis, claim them as expenses.

Email everyone at work on Monday morning clarifying the volunteering policy (ie lack of commitment results in not being selected again ie no more VIP perks/freebies). He'll know his behaviour precipitated it and he'll squirm. Then, call him into your office to express your disappointment. It may be volunteering but he is still representing your company and its reputation for reliability is at stake.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 07/05/2017 09:09

FFS - only on MN does a volunteering problem turn into me being unprofessional and thick!
I know! I honestly think some posters make a sport out of picking apart every single word and trying their best to trip people up. I love MN but this sort of thing is so tedious and gives the site a bad name IMO.

OP, I think you should go because you made a commitment to your friend and if you don't you will look as much of a twat as your colleague. It won't do your professional image much good either if you bale without a replacement.

I can give him his arse in a plate on Monday tho and tell him as he's proven to be unreliable he won't be attend further events
Focus on that. Also, I realise this is an out of work event so you can't sanction him, but as he's proven to be unreliable then he'd better be squeaky clean at work from now on hadn't he! Dick head.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/05/2017 09:12


What Treetop said

Izzabellasasperella · 07/05/2017 09:12

Open please don't feel bad I know some of the posts have been a little harsh(mine included) but you have made a decision now. I hope you have a lovely day. If not at least you have the satisfaction of doing the right thing.😀

I17neednumbers · 07/05/2017 09:12

Well, we don't yet know why colleague isn't going - always risky to assume someone has just flaked until you hear their explanation. (Which I accept he hasn't explained in the text).

I think it's a fairly straightforward answer to the wwyd though - if you've committed to volunteer you should do it unless you have a very good reason. Not wanting to isn't that reason. So in a way it was a foregone conclusion that op would have to go. Not even a question.

diddl · 07/05/2017 09:13

"Diddl just helping my friend really (she's an awesome friend) and when colleague wanted to go, I thought why not, kill 2 birds with one stone sort of thing."

So that reads as if you would have done it with or without your colleague?

Yes, it's a pita that he's cancelled last minute but not too much of a problem if you wanted to help your friend anyway!

mydietstartsmonday · 07/05/2017 09:13

Well done for still going. Your colleague is an arse and has proved totally unreliable and unprofessional which I hope you will keep in mind if he is ever in a position to be promoted.
I am not sure why you have got such a bad press on MN but glad you are going and I hope you have a fantastic time.
Have a great day.

I17neednumbers · 07/05/2017 09:15

I don't understand the people saying claim the taxi on expenses - it isn't work expenses, and op can't expect the events company to pay surely unless it's agreed in advance?
But anyway op is getting the bus so that doesn't arise any more.

MargotLovedTom1 · 07/05/2017 09:18

diddl well, no - flaky employee said he wanted to do it, but only if OP did it with him, so OP thought OK, kill two birds with one stone: hold his hand Wink, and help Event Organiser mate too.

MargotLovedTom1 · 07/05/2017 09:23

I think.
Wink

bakingaddict · 07/05/2017 09:24

It all seems a bit weird a senior manager or MD running a company of 1000's putting themselves in a tricky situation and sacking off a christening to appease one employee and then posting about it all over mumsnet. What's the company, I'll be sure to avoid it like the plague if this how management behave

NancyWake · 07/05/2017 09:36

Read the thread, you made the right decision OP and I hope your day is ok.

Personally I'm not quite sure why this was ever an issue - "s'not fair my friend's not going won't play" - is not really an acceptable POV from an adult committed to a piece of voluntary work.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 07/05/2017 10:00

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