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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague cancelled on a volunteering event - WWYD

170 replies

MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 05:50

I am supposed to be volunteering at an event today (crowd control and afterwards to the VIP bash) my colleague sent a text message dusting the night to say that he is now not coming.

I am bloody furious with this as it leaves me in a tricky position, I said I would attend as he really wanted to go however did not want to go alone, I was supposed to be attending a christening today which I cancelled due to the event.

It also leaves me in a tricky situation with my friends company (they wrote to me asking if I had any colleagues wanting to help out) as they could not attend as they had another plans, that could not be rescheduled.

I don't want to attend this event by myself, as public transport is limited and roads are closed (due to the event) it will also take me an hour to get there, I just don't fancy attending this event alone and also doing it by myself.

I had a funny feeling he was going to do this as I over heard him saying he was going to cancel on Friday to another colleague however when I asked him he said he was talking about something else Angry

I only agreed as he begged me to attend with him.

However I feel bloody bad on the event organisers and that's what's stopping me from cancelling even tho I really don't want to attend.

My dh and friends can't come with me as they are all at the christening.

WWYD

OP posts:
Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 08:32

I've got the bus route sorted out Shock will take a hour and a half with new route but needs must.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 07/05/2017 08:32

I think you need to go, you made the commitment and it's not the event people's problem that you don't feel confident on the bus. It does sound odd that you hold such a senior position but need hand holding to do this.

StealthPolarBear · 07/05/2017 08:33

Op I think people are paying harshly because they are frustrated that your descriptions are really unclear - presumably as you've tried to maintain privacy. I think you're getting a hard time but I do see why people are struggling to understand (me too)

emmyrose2000 · 07/05/2017 08:33

I was supposed to be attending a christening today which I cancelled due to the event

The updated info reads very differently to the information in the OP.

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 08:35

No error I mentioned car seats as someone suggested dh get a lift to the christening. I thought I was quite clear that I needed transportation.

OP posts:
Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 08:36

Well yes I cancelled going to the Christening.

OP posts:
bakingaddict · 07/05/2017 08:37

As a senior person running a company of 1000's agreeing to an arrangement that put you at the mercy or dependent on another employee seems to be skewed judgement for some-one in your position. You say you agreed because this employee really wanted to go and you yourself decided not to attend a christening with the rest of your family for him to volunteer. I think you need to maintain more professional distance with employees if your the MD or senior manager

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 08:39

Where have I said I needed a hand hold, Confused all I have said is that Id rather not attend this event by myself!

At no point have I said I am incapable of doing it myself, I'd just rather not.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 07/05/2017 08:40

This is quite a confusing set up. Best that can be said is that you should go today and keep your commitment (as you are doing) and after this, really review how you handle all this stuff - practicalities, how you motivate people to volunteer for these events, how you deal with your staff, friends etc. There'll be something to learn from it.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 07/05/2017 08:42

I would go. I volunteer for friends who run charity events. Sadly no famous people or after-event parties! But I assist at the events, and know how difficult it is when some volunteers don't turn up at the last minute.

I don't understand why you only got involved in volunteering when it became apparent that there would be more people attending, surely you'd have committed to the Christening by then?

Anyway, given that you run a huge company then I'm sure you'll be fine doing some volunteering on your own. Also, if you can't drive and live rurally then you're presumably used to using public transport, so I'm sure you'll be fine with that as well.

Not that it's relevant, but I'm intrigued as to how your husband and son can attend a christening if your son is playing football this morning. All church services round here are in the mornings, as are junior football matches. So even playing a home game would mean not being able to get to a christening as the game wouldn't finish before the service started.

Imamouseduh · 07/05/2017 08:43

I cannot make heads nor tails of this. for someone who runs a big company your written communication skills could use some work.

MargotLovedTom1 · 07/05/2017 08:45

That's what I was thinking bakingaddict.
OP - your comment about "Yes, I'm his senior boss, but also his colleague" was telling. You are his boss, end of. I'm not saying you need to be a tyrannical despot, but if you are head of an organisation employing thousands, then you cannot be mates, Facebook friends etc with your employees. Your employees should have enough healthy respect for you that you wouldn't dream of dicking you around.

I work in a small school where the staff numbers in the twenties not the thousands. I still see the HT as the boss, and wouldn't let her down at such an event as I would worry about how it would reflect on me, and how she would view my professionalism and commitment (and I know it's voluntary but it still requires commitment and reliability).

MargotLovedTom1 · 07/05/2017 08:46

he wouldn't dream of dicking you around, obviously.

MargotLovedTom1 · 07/05/2017 08:47

they even. Aaargh!

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/05/2017 08:48

I'd have to take public transport, (dh is taking the car)

I was going to make a comment similar to error about you not having 2 cars. Your post was equally judgmental. Expect it's because you're feeling a bit shit about the situation.

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 08:48
Confused

Yes someone with a learning disability cannot possibly run an organisation just because their written communications skills are poor Hmm

FFS - only on MN does a volunteering problem turn into me being unprofessional and thick!

OP posts:
Redredredrose · 07/05/2017 08:48

I'm always a little baffled when someone on MN claims to be a successful business person running a massive company yet communicates so poorly in their OP that no-one can quite work out what the issue is.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/05/2017 08:49

I'd also be reviewing my professional opinion of him. No advancement as he clearly can't be trusted.

intheknickersoftime · 07/05/2017 08:52

I volunteered for the tour de Yorkshire last weekend. I've done it before. I was a supervisor this time and only had five people in my team. It was really fricking annoying when not one but two people failed to turn up. I'd driven 80 miles and done a reccy on the area beforehand. So I think you should go.

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 08:52

I am his boss in work, outside of work in his colleague, I cannot TELL him he has to do this, it's a voluntary role!

He's been a wank stain, but I have no authority over him in his non working hours. I cannot force him to attend, I can give him his arse in a plate on Monday tho and tell him as he's proven to be unreliable he won't be attend further events.

My organisation is not associated with the events company in any professional way, it's ALL voluntary.

OP posts:
harshbuttrue1980 · 07/05/2017 08:52

I don't know why you feel so worried about going on your own - there will be lots of other people in the same boat. Life is a bit crappy if you have to wait for other people to do something before you will.

MargotLovedTom1 · 07/05/2017 08:53

More professionalism = fewer volunteering problems perhaps?

tissuesosoft · 07/05/2017 08:53

OP, I'm sorry if this has already been mentioned, are you able to get a cab there/part way there and claim back on expenses?

I17neednumbers · 07/05/2017 08:55

"I'm intrigued as to how your husband and son can attend a christening if your son is playing football this morning"

Christenings aren't always during the church service though - sometimes people ask to have them at a separate service just for family/friends, often in the early afternoon.

(Misses point of thread)

Op, what reason did your colleague give for not going to the volunteering after all?

MargotLovedTom1 · 07/05/2017 08:55

I suggested that tissue.