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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague cancelled on a volunteering event - WWYD

170 replies

MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 05:50

I am supposed to be volunteering at an event today (crowd control and afterwards to the VIP bash) my colleague sent a text message dusting the night to say that he is now not coming.

I am bloody furious with this as it leaves me in a tricky position, I said I would attend as he really wanted to go however did not want to go alone, I was supposed to be attending a christening today which I cancelled due to the event.

It also leaves me in a tricky situation with my friends company (they wrote to me asking if I had any colleagues wanting to help out) as they could not attend as they had another plans, that could not be rescheduled.

I don't want to attend this event by myself, as public transport is limited and roads are closed (due to the event) it will also take me an hour to get there, I just don't fancy attending this event alone and also doing it by myself.

I had a funny feeling he was going to do this as I over heard him saying he was going to cancel on Friday to another colleague however when I asked him he said he was talking about something else Angry

I only agreed as he begged me to attend with him.

However I feel bloody bad on the event organisers and that's what's stopping me from cancelling even tho I really don't want to attend.

My dh and friends can't come with me as they are all at the christening.

WWYD

OP posts:
IdaDown · 07/05/2017 08:02

Don't allow the friend to volunteer at events in the future.

Quid pro quo - you want the fun of seeing (for free) the event and the special pass to the after party - then you have to work for it.

SouthWestmom · 07/05/2017 08:04

Well I think you have to go.

I see what you mean about 'on condition my colleague went' but that's not meaningful to the event organisers who have no control over your colleague.

Saying 'I will go if X goes' is fine if the event organisers can make X go, or if your company can make X go, but otherwise it's just two people letting them down.

I would contact colleague in work mode and say that he is letting them down, they are short staffed and you will be reviewing his membership of the group. And do that - maybe introduce a two strikes and you are out policy.

errorofjudgement · 07/05/2017 08:05

Is there any reason why you have only 1 car? Given that you run an organisation employing 1000s of staff, I'd have thought you could afford your own car, especially as you say you live semi-rurally.
Also as the manager of such a large company, then surely your colleague is junior to you? I'm quite surprised that in that situation he's sent you a text after getting "sh*t faced" last night.
Finally, as I'm sure you realise, holding such a responsible position, you have given your word and committed to this. Perhaps you could hire a car or use a taxi to get you the event rather than blaming poor public transport as a reason not to go. Certainly the MD of the (admittedly much smaller) company I work for, would show a bit more resilience and get herself there after making that commitment.

SprinkleOfInsanity · 07/05/2017 08:05

Just go, get online and figure out the bus routes/timetables. Or, books taxi and give the receipt to the flaky colleague to reimburse you for his inconveniencing you.

Try and pair yourself with other friendly looking volunteers, and go with an open mind. You might meet some fabulous people to have fun with whilst doing the job!

Designerenvy · 07/05/2017 08:10

Going against the majority here I know but I wouldn't go. It's his company not your's. You were doing him a favour. He backed out so it makes it difficult for you to get there. This is his problem not yours .
I'd go to the christening. Let him deal with the consequences on Monday. Sorry now but crowd control on your own is ridiculous and he sounds like a prize prat !

HiggeldyPiggeldy · 07/05/2017 08:14

if you don't go you are as bad as he is

go and roast his arse tomorrow!

diddl · 07/05/2017 08:14

"I offered my services on the condition that my colleague attended. "

Well, he isn't attending now, is he?

If you were supposed to be going to the Christening though, I'm not sure why you even agreed to this in the first place.

springflowers11 · 07/05/2017 08:17

Given your position within your organisation o don't think pulling out is an option

MargotLovedTom1 · 07/05/2017 08:17

I agree with error of judgement - it all seems very informal. You are the head honcho of a company employing thousands of staff, so in a position of great seniority, and yet your employee feels at liberty to piss you about like this, even knowing that he could be caught out through Facebook posts? He should definitely go on a blacklist for any further events.

KungFuEric · 07/05/2017 08:17

Don't go, you'd only spend the day fuming at your martyrdom.

I'd tell him to contact the organisers to inform them of his absence.

I'd be icy cool with him in my dealings in the workplace going forward.

MargotLovedTom1 · 07/05/2017 08:18

And agree, as the most senior representative of your company, you definitely cannot pull out, even if you have to get a taxi there and claim it on expenses.

mum11970 · 07/05/2017 08:19

If you run a company with thousands of staff I'm sure you can organise a one person no show and if you thought your colleague was likely to drop out on Friday why on earth didn't you try and organise a back up plan yesterday. You can't let your friends down just because someone else has.

StealthPolarBear · 07/05/2017 08:19

Designer it is her company.
Agree with pp, his attitude to you as his senior boss is far too informal!

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 08:21

If it was a work event, I'd have him in for sanctioning, however it's unconnected to my organisation and voluntary.

Yes I'm his senior boss, however he's still my colleague.

He will also now, not be able to attend further events as he has proven himself to be unreliable and untrustworthy (as he should have just told me on Friday and I could have cancelled then).

I can't drive, I had to surrender my licence months back due to a medical condition. But nice judgemental undertone there error Hmm

OP posts:
MaudOnceMore · 07/05/2017 08:22

You volunteered to help and (I'll be bold as this is AIBU) you need to honour that commitment.

If you run a big organisation, you're obviously not a delicate little petal (nobody could be, in such a leadership role) and surely have enough gumption to get to the event and do this important public safety task on your own - not that you'll be on your own, as there must be a whole team of people involved.

I used to run a team of volunteers and know how difficult it is maintaining safety ratios etc when people drop out for flaky reasons at the last minute. I wouldn't go postal at your colleague; I'd favour the withering scorn, how inconsiderate of you to let so many people down at the last minute approach, which means you only keep the moral high ground if you don't back out yourself.

emmyrose2000 · 07/05/2017 08:23

I think you were rude to back out of the christening after saying you were attending in the first place. If one of my "friends" (or family members) did that I wouldn't be impressed. If you'd stuck to your original plan of attending the christening you wouldn't be in this mess now.

Tell flaky colleague he is no longer eligible to volunteer for events and thus get all the freebies/benefits that come along with that.

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 08:25

It is informal, this is a voluntary role, I cannot force people to attend,

They have to hold a current enhanced DBS, so I cannot just ask other people to attend unfortunately.

OP posts:
errorofjudgement · 07/05/2017 08:27

Earlier in the thread a supportive poster suggested you use your car and see if your DP could get a lift to the christening. You responded that he needed the car because the children need their booster seats.
You did not mention that you couldn't drive, which I think is a rather more pertinent point to the discussion.

MaudOnceMore · 07/05/2017 08:27

Ah, errorofjudgement used the word I was groping for. Resilience. You must have to be - and be seen to be - resilient every day in your job. This is just another situation demanding resilience.

Designerenvy · 07/05/2017 08:27

Oh, polar bear, I got the wrong end of the stick there. If it's your company op then I guess you need to go. It's horrible big left down at the last min, esp when you were relying on him drIving.

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 07/05/2017 08:28

Emmy I didn't just back out of the christening, at the time we hadn't confirmed if we where attending, we knew about the christening, but had to wait to see ds1 schedule if he would be playing home or away (he's playing home, so dh and the boys confirmed their invite)

OP posts:
PennyAsset · 07/05/2017 08:29

Why do they have to hold an enhanced DBS?

How can you run such a huge company but not manage public transport or a bit of volunteering without your junior colleague?

errorofjudgement · 07/05/2017 08:29

And the "judging" is based on what you wrote, not what you didn't write. I'm not psychic Hmm

annandale · 07/05/2017 08:30

I would go, I'm sorry. You made a commitment and you'll feel even more shit if you drop it.

Take a taxi and bloody make him pay for it. Text him that you are doing it. I hope it's hundreds.

StealthPolarBear · 07/05/2017 08:31

Op needs a lift. I thought that was clear.