To think she lied about having cancer

[burgerandfries]

Friend of a friend apparently diagnosed with cervical cancer 2 months ago. Underwent a few sessions of chemo over a few weeks and is now completely cured.

She still has all her hair and has seemingly been well all this time (see her on school run almost every day)

I've never directly known anyone suffering from cancer so I don't know if this is normal or not but it seems a bit to me. She is known for lying exaggerating quite often and relishes in attention.

Sorry if I'm being totally naive here but AIBU to think she made the whole thing up?

I am not questioning that people make up or exaggerate cancer but my default position would be to believe somebody.

If my family had taken that default position I would have known that my family had a history of cancer and my case would have been seen as more urgent . I also would not have sat sobbing in a hospital waiting room on my son's first birthday with no family support having just been told that I did indeed have cancer and that I would need to wait 2 weeks to find out if it was terminal or not.

Tara Palma Tomkinson did have a non-malignant tumour in her pituitary gland, however, which is located at the base of the brain and attached to the hypothalamus, so to the average layperson, calling it a non-malignant brain tumour, as she did, is not that far off the truth - it's probably an accurate description of how she perceived it, herself, being a bit of a drama queen. I've also looked on the internet and she was perfectly honest that her "brain tumour" was in her pituitary gland, non-malignant and was treated with drugs only - Mail Online in November 2016. So the biggest liar in that case was not Tara Palmer Tomkinson, but the Mail's headline.

countess it sounds like you know my sister

Yes MrsDV, I already said several times that I had cervical cancer and was treated with contempt and accused of exaggerating abnormal cells because I was successful in getting rid of it by surgery alone.
At the time I was very afraid, being a single parent. I would have liked to be able to have had support by being able to talk about my feelings and then be joined in celebrating my survival, but that was not the way it went.
I'm glad you see the default is to believe because that's how it should be except if there is strong evidence to the contrary.
I have found this thread very useful in helping me to understand why some people have a negative reaction towards cancer sufferers. It's a shame some people are disbelieved when their cancer is caught early enough to require minimal treatment because it prevents the positive stories from being discussed

Having cancer does not always mean no hair and not leaving your house.
I had throid cancer and still did the school run. I probably looked fine to the other parents, but What they didn't see was as soon as I got home I went back to bed as I was exhausted at the beginning. Until they got my medication to a decent level I was permanently tired. If I sat down in the afternoon I'd fall asleep within seconds , I fell asleep on the toilet once when I went back to work. So not your normal 'tiredness'
I also put on weight due to losing my thyroid.

Even now 6 years later I still have the odd episode of extreme tiredness and gave to gave a nap in the afternoon. I would love to have long hair but due to the lack of thyroid and taking artificial hormones to replicate what it does my hair hardly grows. I still can't shift the last half stone of weight I put on. The tablets I take could cause my bones to thin and damage my heart but without them I'd die.

Yet I still look pretty well and unless you see my scar people don't realise.

I think your friend op is extremely rude and gossiping by telling you. It's no-ones business but that mother. Unless her alleged lying effects you directly keep out of it.

It is terrible that you were treated that way but that doesn't make it true that the default setting is that people think those with C Ca are liars.
Its just not the case.

Which is why I disagreed with your post in the first place.
Obviously if you have had to deal with such shocking behaviour you are going to be extra sensitive about people being disbelieved.

roundaboutthetown no she didn't. After her death her sister confirmed that she had never had a tumour at all.

Er, no Wannabe - she did not have a brain tumour but it is not refuted anywhere that I can see that she had had a pituitary gland tumour.

In fact, I found this: www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/tragic-tara-palmer-tomkinson-never-9827082 which confirms she told the truth about her pituitary gland...

But hey, let's all assume she was a liar, too, despite the fact she specified her tumour was in her pituitary gland, was non-malignant and successfully treated with drugs alone, as this is the thread for it... it's obviously nothing to do with the media not giving a toss what the difference is between a brain tumour and a pituitary tumour when they originally reported it...

I thought her sister denied she had died as a result of the tumour.
Not that she denied she had one.

AFAIK TPT never said she had cancer did she? Or did she?
I knew she had a benign tumor and I don't even follow sleb stuff so I have no idea how I got that bit of info.

I am only aware of it because of this thread. I then researched it and can confirm she never said she had cancer - she specified that she had a non-malignant pituitary tumour and accurately described her symptoms and treatment. That she also said the pituitary tumour was a brain tumour is, imo, pretty irrelevant given the fact that she specified the type of "brain tumour" as being a non-malignant pituitary tumour... Any self-respecting journalist could have chosen to be supremely accurate and specify that the pituitary gland, whilst attached to the brain, is not actually part of the brain, if they wanted, but why bother? The body of all the articles specified that the tumour had been successfully treated with drugs and was in her pituitary gland. The clarification made by the sister was no doubt as a result of numerous cause of death speculators who couldn't be bothered to read more than the original headlines in November thinking she had a cancerous brain tumour and might have died from it.

My Mum was told she was terminally ill from cancer before she even started chemo, her first lot of chemotherapy didn't cause her hair to fall out but it was in no way mild. There are different types.

I lost her 3 years ago and the thought of people thinking she was lying about being ill at any point in her treatment makes me sick to my stomach. Your friend is disgusting and no friend of the person being treated.

I know it's been said enough but this is a really nasty thread. You want someone with cancer to fit into your idea with what they 'should' look or act like, and if someone looks too chirpy then they don't deserve your sympathy. It's like you feel cheated because she didn't look sick enough for your liking. It's horrible This
I went through mastectomy and radiotherapy plus a massive reconstruction. People's attitudes amazed me. Maybe I was too chirpy

I disagree that this has been an wholly nasty thread. Perhaps the original post was mean spirited, but I think the OP and many others have learnt a lot here.

I know people want someone with cancer to fit into a preconceived idea of what cancer is like. But that is also due to all the cancer awareness raising and charity stories that we are fed, that only emphasise certain types of cancer sufferers. So it leads to things like people being outraged when the DWP says that people will not automatically get PIP because they have cancer.

I agree brasty

When I was told that I had cancer I was terrified because my vision of cancer was that my hair would fall out, I would become painfully thin ( I actually did think briefly that at least I will shed some weight) and then I would die a painful death.

The reality was that I got very tired, shat myself a bit and then had surgery. I am now still projectile shitting and am knackered. I have bad days when I don't leave my bed and am in pain but other days when I do my 10,000 steps with ease.

I am lucky that though to have a secure job with a good sickness pay policy. I expect to have taken just over two months off work for my cancer and treatment - I could do that because I get full pay for 6 months. I was able to take time to prepare for surgery which has aided me recovery. It would have been a much tougher journey if I had needed to keep working right up to my surgery.

Tw1n I think its because there are only certain aspects of cancer/cancer treatments that are palatable to others.
The stereotype of the bald but glowing child, smiling and holding on to their teddy is one.
People really don't want to know about the roid rage, the screaming, the collapsing veins, the horrible side effects, comas and all the other stuff I won't go into.

I can see why. I know there is a fine line between scaring people enough to get them to donate and scaring them so much that they shut down.
My friend couldn't bear the fluffy pinkness of the Breast Ca stuff. It was just so not her. But other women love it.

I wish you well with your continued recovery

Thanks MrsDV.

.

Unfortunately many people judge you on how they think you should look. I started chemo last summer and did not lose my hair. Everyone said how well I appeared but I did get judgmental looks when I used my blue badge as I obviously was not ill enough
2 weeks ago I finally lost all my hair. I now get sympathetic looks as it is obvious that I am ill. It shouldn't have to be like this
to all those going through treatment.

t3rr3gl35
I also had the same operation as you initially, with a diagnosis of DCIS (or as the medics continually referred to it, as 'early stage breast cancer') but it had spread deeper and further than they first thought, and I had to have a double mastectomy (one side preventative, but was strongly advised to have it). Some time afterwards, someone I knew told me, with much irritation in her voice, to stop telling people that I'd had breast cancer!

Just to clarify, she meant to stop describing it as breast cancer, not as in to not inform people.

Yeah op fucking bitch how dare she be looking half decent and managing school run.

Chemo isn't all Breaking Bad puking up a lung, they give you excellent anti-nausea drugs. If your tastes change due to chemo mouth, you can't force down normal healthy food and all you can eat happily is tasty rubbish you might even gain weight, esp if you're bloated and too shattered to move much. Not out of the ordinary at all.
My mum had chemo for breast cancer and kept her hair. The chemo gave her blood clots in her lungs and legs and she almost died but her hair was tickety-boo.