To think she lied about having cancer

[burgerandfries]

Friend of a friend apparently diagnosed with cervical cancer 2 months ago. Underwent a few sessions of chemo over a few weeks and is now completely cured.

She still has all her hair and has seemingly been well all this time (see her on school run almost every day)

I've never directly known anyone suffering from cancer so I don't know if this is normal or not but it seems a bit to me. She is known for lying exaggerating quite often and relishes in attention.

Sorry if I'm being totally naive here but AIBU to think she made the whole thing up?

Not much shocks me on Mumsnet anymore. But this has. OP you sound absolutely fucking horrible.

There is a reason why people chose cancer when they lie.
Its very hard to challenge.

People do lie about it, a lot.

BUT in the case of your friend of a friend it looks very unlikely she is lying and your 'friend' is a nasty piece of work.

Why don't you turn this round? You have the information now. People have very kindly shared their experiences on this thread. Why don't you stop these rumours before they take off? When your 'friend' starts bitching, you counter he nastiness ness with 'not everyone loses their hair..' etc.

YABVU my DH was diagnosed with cancer seven months ago. He's had major surgery but chemo has been ruled out as treatment at this stage. Outwardly he looks just the same as before diagnosis (his scars are covered by his clothes).

OP: I've not had cancer but I have a disability/chronic condition which at its worst left me able to do next to nothing. My priority at that time was some of the school runs (with help admittedly) - it reassured my children and helped me maintain some sanity in the fear.

There were people like you and your friends at that school gate. I knew it then, I still meet people like them every day who can diagnose me with one look and a sneer. I don't look sick particularly.

You are propagating the gossip by repeating here in disbelief.

The attitudes make life for me and all sick and disabled more difficult in real material ways (like the consistent voting against protections/benefits for 'scrounging sick').

As other PP have said - you learn who your friends are in that situation, I'd swallow hot coals for the friends who stood by me. I wouldn't fart for the malicious gossips who used my illness as a topic to fill their vacuous lives.

When someone posts about their illness on social media IME it may also be to share the experience with others to learn as well as to update friends. I'm not brave enough to document my experiences in public as some do but I'm grateful to those who do.

Really? Sick and frightened? I know loads of people who have had the same treatment. Never known anyone to be particularly concerned about it. There is quite a high incidence of abnormal smears. Are you thinking of something else? - Nope I'm not thinking of something else. The person I know who had it done is close to me. They had two young children at the time and they were truly very worried. The dismissiveness you show towards people who have had this treatment is really quite strange.

Insta, an abnormal smear can indicate that pre-cancerous or cancerous cells have been found. The treatment can range from watch and wait to hysterectomy, with lots of things in the middle, including laser treatment and loop diathermy. A friend just had radiotherapy for cervical cancer - laying in real discomfort in a hospital bed with radiotherapy rids up her hoo haa.

There are a lot of misconceptions on this thread.

My mum had radiotherapy/chemotherapy for cervical cancer 18 months ago, she never lost her hair, she battled the side effects to try and go about life as normal with such courage, and never looked "sick". Now she does, because she's dying, but the thought that someone would question someone going through treatment or gossip about their appearance turns my stomach. She needs support just now, not people wondering why she's not lost her hair!

and this is your business because ?

its hardly gossip on a site where there are no identifying details - OP was asking a question, which s/he couldn't really ask at the school gates

where else can someone ask something like this?

have you never had a question about someone that you didn't want to ask as it would make you look heartless, but wondered how you would know, or if it was a common event - OP didn't know that you don't definitely lose your hair with chemo and without asking your friends (if you're lucky you won't know too many people who have had chemo) how else can she put it straight in her mind

I suppose it's lack of knowledge and understanding of certain conditions, illness and disease that cause scepticism.

Not that at all Red I've asked, I've been educated. I'm not bitching.

this manager must be a special kind of wanker
A work colleague seemed jealous of the attention she received and, as manager, insisted that when she went for her hospital appointments she had to miss her lunch to make the time up. I can only think this must be the reason because who on earth would act like this.

My DS has had 4 different chemo drugs and only one caused total hair loss, two cause no hair loss and one caused thinning. Same goes with side effects, all very different.

I know that Euro. I'm not misunderstanding the situation or treatment.

Semi it's a shame their doctor didn't reassure them, assuming it was just abnormal cells.

No friend judges someone like that? Your friend shouldn't be sharing what she was told with anyone? This lady doesn't have to justify herself to anyone.

You really shouldn't be gossiping about her and making assumptions. It's awful tbh. If she's lied then it doesn't hurt you does it, assume she's telling the truth

Under the circumstances I'm not surprised that you have your doubts. A school mum is constantly having cancer "scares" and really revels in the attention. Every birth results in her going into cardiac arrest, they have to "bring her back to life" but she is such a martyr that she discharges herself within a few hours. Several weekends ago she was on life support due to pneumonia and was at the school on Monday. A few days ago she told me that she has MS now due to the stress all of her illnesses have had on her body. I must admit that I was slightly about it as she seems to have lied or extremely exaggerated many illnesses.

Of course it is possible for the "friend" to actually have cancer but unfortunately when you are known to be a liar/bender of truth people may have doubts. OP is asking this on an anonymous forum, she isn't forming a crowd at the school gate so again under the circumstances I don't think she is a nasty or spiteful.

This thread has debunked a lot of the cancer stereotypes, thankyou to those who have shared your experience

its hardly gossip on a site where there are no identifying details

Asking the question 'is it possible to have chemo/other treatments for cervical cancer without losing hair' is one thing. The OP could have done that quite simply.

Adding seems a bit to me. She is known for lying exaggerating quite often and relishes in attention makes it gossipy and frankly prejudicial.

My MIL had intensive chemo for the bowel cancer which killed her.

She kept all her hair and looked 'well' throughout until the last month of her life.

Yes it is upsetting to think that some people may have thought she was making things up.

This thread is awful. And OP - your are not being 'naive', just really bloody nasty.

*where else can someone ask something like this?

have you never had a question about someone that you didn't want to ask as it would make you look heartless, *
Luckily, google allows a search of reputable and informative websites (several useful links have been posted by previous posters). These allow you to find and out if your vague recollection based on what happened to someone years ago, is how it always is, or just an example of how one person responder to one type of treatment.
People generally post for opinion on here about their personal (usually unique) situation, or their worries about friends and family. Asking a bunch of unqualified strangers if someone is lying about a medical issue, where no one has any facts beyond what people said, is a lot more like mean gossip, IMO.

Asking the question 'is it possible to have chemo/other treatments for cervical cancer without losing hair' is one thing. The OP could have done that quite simply.

i get what you mean, but if she had, she would have been badgered as to why she needed to know. You just have to read about the 'omg i nearly died' types to know what the OP is talking about - see tigerskinrugs post

My husband died from pancreatic cancer.
He had a full head of gloriously thick hair until the end.
I had pre cancerous cells on my ovaries. Picked up very early as I was being scanned for a different problem. I only had keyhole surgery.
Anyone who "knows" someone who has lied about having cancer, how do you know? Does the person lieing tell you but keep up the pretence to every one else?
Are you privy to their medical records?
And if I knew someone was lieing, I hope that I could try to understand why.

Instasista - you sound like a complete and utter bitch. Laser treatment/LLETZ is used on the cervix for cervical abnormalities that have not yet become cancerous and for abnormalities described as carcinoma in situ. From your supposed friend's point of view, being told her abnormalities were in the very earliest stages of cancer probably was more frightening for her than for someone told they had CIN (cervical intraepithelial neoplasia) 1 or 2, because of the use of the word carcinoma. She may well have had all sorts of what ifs going on in her mind - what if it had spread further than they initially thought? What if just laser or LLETZ treatment did not remove everything?

I hope she never has to read thread and worry it's about her :(

You have to be pretty certain to accuse someone of this and I should imagine the possibility of someone lying about it would be incredibly low. Remember, most of the cases we hear in the media etc will be the ones that in real life are few and far between. Please don't say this out loud to anyone- it could cause untold damage if it gets out you are saying tha.

*this

Despite having cancer I still work and have few (other) side effects. So glad that I've lost my hair and am down to 9 stone, otherwise twunts like you and your friend may not believe I'm actually sick.

She's not called Steph is she?