Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think she lied about having cancer

175 replies

burgerandfries · 07/05/2017 00:30

Friend of a friend apparently diagnosed with cervical cancer 2 months ago. Underwent a few sessions of chemo over a few weeks and is now completely cured.

She still has all her hair and has seemingly been well all this time (see her on school run almost every day)

I've never directly known anyone suffering from cancer so I don't know if this is normal or not but it seems a bit Hmm to me. She is known for lying exaggerating quite often and relishes in attention.

Sorry if I'm being totally naive here but AIBU to think she made the whole thing up?

OP posts:
Irrelevantirreverent · 07/05/2017 01:30

I feel really sad for the friend :( have NC for this as my story is outing but I had a horrible form of cervical cancer and even after intensive chemo I didn't lose all my hair. I had a young baby and looked after her by myself with the odd helping hand here and there, so I can imagine still being able to do the school run. 8 weeks is a short treatment schedule but if it's a low grade, low stage cancer then that might suffice. A less harsh chemo regimen would also mean you wouldn't get as sick. I would hate to think anyone doubted me, but there were times when I wondered if my hair made me look like a fraud. Heck I even felt bad that id gained weight when I thought cancer patients were all stick thin! Whatever you do please don't continue this rumour, it's so unbelievably hurtful. Cancer is a scary, horrible thing to go through and to think people were talking about your illness being genuine?! I get it, people can make up some shit for money/attention/whatever but in this case I would always give the benefit of the doubt and be supportive.

burgerandfries · 07/05/2017 01:31

Thank you to those who posted useful information. Sorry if I have upset anyone. I should just point out it's not gossip at the school gates. The lady in question is a friend of a friend but she has posted all about her illness on publicly social media. There are no playground whispers going on.

OP posts:
GreatFuckability · 07/05/2017 01:33

I had cervical cancer treatment.fairly early. i had a hysterectomy and some other treatments, most of my 'school run' friends werenone the wiser.

ziggy1986 · 07/05/2017 01:35

There are playground whispers going on: you and your friend have decided she's not ill enough and then you've decided to post on Mumsnet about it Hmm

Terrible.

user1494118175 · 07/05/2017 02:00

I had a 'friend' who lied about having cancer. It does happen, there are some odd people out there.

YANBU to not want people to lie about cancer but YABU to assume she has lied.

I do hope she hasn't lied about it and blasted it on social media.

HeirOfNothingInParticular · 07/05/2017 02:14

My DH was diagnosed with a high grade cancer a couple of years ago. He was given the choice of chemo/radio treatment or life changing surgery. He took the chemo option, although surgeons thought he was mad. He did have side effects from chemo, but hair loss was not one. A standard treatment for patients who have a less aggressive form of the cancer by DH had is a chemo wash. My DH is a very private man and hardly anyone knows he had cancer and how ill he was. So yes,YABU to speculate about this persons treatment.

GreenHillsSunnySkies · 07/05/2017 02:16

YADBU. I know you've had plenty of answers to that effect already but it honestly can't be stressed enough how much of a bad taste your thread leaves in the mouth.

First, your friend isn't really much of a friend to this woman to be gossiping and speculating behind her back with you. He sounds poisonous. Hope you are sure he's not doing the same behind your back, if he does it to one...

Second, you're not covering yourself in glory either calling her a known liar and questioning her seemingly too-healthy appearance on a public forum. I don't think I'd care to have either of you as a friend or even as a friend of a friend of a friend umpteen times removed.

Ankleswingers · 07/05/2017 02:28

YABU.

None of your damn business quite frankly and despite you saying you aren't bitching, your posts come across as the opposite.

MissEDashwood · 07/05/2017 02:47

I don't think you'll ever know. If I was you I would try and forget about it as it's not worth getting wound up over. If she truly had cervical cancer I think as standard they do a total abdominal hyst with removal of ovaries and lymph nodes.

I know some that lied about having cancer, they used it as a tool to keep their partner. They kept it up for months. Eventually I emailed the MIL and said it started out as this cancer, then it changed, then it took 6 months to be operated on. The best part was they claimed that the cervix was moved by keyhole surgery in the tummy. No hyst, just no more cervix.

I'm no expert but I think you need your cervix to stop your womb hanging down by your knees. Other lies were daft too, they know they'd been caught out.

It's her mess, think of her poor children and family. That was my focus, the woman would be all, won't have my chemo I'll just die. Apparently she was having it every day in tablet form, but again I've had chemo type drugs for autoimmune stuff, the chemo one that's used as chemo is a once a week drug. Not TDS.

She has issues if she is lying, just don't engage. Maybe call school and say you're worried about the child/ren, with her having cancer. Should we try and do a fundraiser for her, it must be hell on the DC. That should sort it out. My DC have support as I'm disabled, they have something through SEN/SED where they speak to a counsellor as I'm that ill. Although they have varying forms of help depending on the DC. As my disability is severe and as it is likely I might not see them get their GCSE's etc, they make sure that they put in as much as possible.

During the holidays we had SS & HA round, SS wanted to sort out care etc, HA wanted to get me on list for suitable housing. They wanted to speak to both DC as SS have support groups and camps etc.

It depends if you just want to ignore it, or whether you want it to stop for the sake of DC.

TabascoToastie · 07/05/2017 02:54

It IS gossip, though (and pretty nasty malicious gossip). I don't understand the idea that just because she's not hiding the fact she has cancer means anyone can whisper and speculate and throw nasty accusations around about her and it's somehow not gossip.

If you believe based on personal experience with this woman who of course none of us know that she is a fantasist and a liar, then don't have anything to do with her. If you're not certain enough to drop her, you're not certain enough to be spreading nasty gossip about her behind her back.

springflowers11 · 07/05/2017 02:59

So you yourself hardly know her and yet presume you know enough about her treatment to doubt her!
What a nasty nasty thread. Shame on you

MissEDashwood · 07/05/2017 03:05

If she's on your FB etc, can't you just block her from your feed?

shitgibbon · 07/05/2017 03:12

She is probably not lying. My friend had breast cancer, had chemo and radiation, managed to work all the way through it and didn't lose her hair. She wasn't lying.

springflowers11 · 07/05/2017 03:14

dash wood why on earth would op go to the school? What on earth would it be to do with them and what action do you expect them to take? How will they know whether or not she has cancer? And how will it make the op look?

Theresnonamesleft · 07/05/2017 03:38

Erm it's possible to have quite a bit of your cervix removed. There's also a procedure where they go through your abdomen, it's called a radical trachelectomy.
But your correct dashwood, you clearly aren't an expert. Thousands if not millions of females globally have had parts of their cervix removed and nothing is hanging down to their kneecaps.

TheoriginalLEM · 07/05/2017 07:20

This thread is genuiney upsetting.

One thing you can take from this thread OP. Drfriend the gossip -who needs that sort of poison in their life and extend support to the friend of a friend. Or Drfriend her too because i would be devastated to find someone bitching about me in this way and would not want those people reading my news feed.

Trifleorbust · 07/05/2017 07:39

How strange that you would start a thread about a friend of a friend. What is this to you?

ziggy1986 · 07/05/2017 07:42

Dashwood - it is not "standard" to have a hysterectomy and ovaries removed.
So that is also just misconception.

loverlybunchofcoconuts · 07/05/2017 07:52

If don't know why people feel they have all the knowledge to judge people over medical treatments - when a relative of mine got liver cancer, a friend just said matter of factly that no one ever recovers from that. I was furious, but they clearly felt they were doing me a favour imparting this information.
A few weeks later they approached me to say that they just heard of someone who'd run a marathon after recovering from liver cancer, so good news, my relative might recover! I asked if they regretted what they said before, and they said they had nothing to be sorry about, they thought it at the time.

People with no knowledge of cars don't tell you your car doesn't need fixing, its not making a bad enough noise, or that it can't be fixed, because they just know from somewhere that it can't.
Why do people presume from the sparsest of facts that they know all about someone's health, symptoms, and the latest in medical treatments??

GirlcalledJames · 07/05/2017 07:56

A neighbour of ours lied about having cervical cancer for 20 years, even to her husband and children. She received a lot of help, lifts and money from the local community so people felt very aggrieved. None of her 8 children have ever spoken to her again.
I don't think it's fair to gossip in real life, but I think it's fine for OP to ask here.
As long as it doesn't affect op or her friend personally, I'd let it go. If money or help is being requested, I might be a bit more cautious.
If it's attention and social media fame, I don't know, as there's not much of a consequence except for people's feelings.
I think most of us would rather be the person taken in by a liar than the person who accused a cancer patient of not really being ill.

Xmasbaby11 · 07/05/2017 07:56

My friend kept her hair and actually gained weight through months of chemo.

It wouldn't occur to me to question someone's illness.

P1nkP0ppy · 07/05/2017 07:59

It is gossip. You and your friend speculating about someone and about something that frankly is none of your bloody business.

WizardOfToss · 07/05/2017 08:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Instasista · 07/05/2017 08:01

A friend of mine says she's had cancer when she's actually had abnormal cells lazered following a smear.

SoupDragon · 07/05/2017 08:18

It's not that people have been gossiping about her, she has put regular updates on Facebook.

You and your friend are gossiping about her. You are gossiping about her on a large social media site.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.