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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband called me a name

181 replies

mum19821985 · 06/05/2017 14:44

Not just any name...the big "see you next Tuesday" I am so angry at him. Back story, DH had been up all night with diarrhea and was feeling pretty awful. I had my driving test that morning so had to get kids ready for school etc. Dh took kids to school and came home to look after our baby. I was sitting in an arm chair by the window watching out for my driving instructor. Dh said he needed to sit by the window, I said he can in 5 minutes when I leave for my test. He called me selfish and said he knew he wasn't well. We argued but eventually I moved. He said I was a nasty and horrible person. I said how could he say that 5 minutes before my test. He kept saying how horrible treat him and how nasty I am. We had an awful row, I shouted that it would be his fault if I failed. I became more stressed and told him I hated him. He said - what did you say? I said it again. He then called me the c word. I swore at him and left without saying anything. Dh has since apologised many times but still protests that my saying I hate him was much worse. I disagree and can't forget that horrible word.

OP posts:
kali110 · 06/05/2017 19:35

What a massive overeaction.
You had a row, get over it.
You were no better than him.
He's apologised yet you're still being so petty you can't apologise to him?
Just apologise, you're no better than him.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 06/05/2017 19:39

YABVU and selfish. He had diarrhoea, and yet still went out and took the kids to school. It's awful going anywhere with diarrhoea as you really don't know what could happen.

Him calling you a cunt isn't the issue here; you told him you hated him and that is much worse.

You should have cancelled your test.

SnapJack68 · 06/05/2017 19:39

tinseltwins

HermioneJeanGranger · 06/05/2017 19:40

"I'm not joining the "Wow, he took the kids to school when he was ill!!" chorus either. Men shouldn't get bonus points for doing what women do all the time."

Not when there's another, capable, healthy parent at home they don't. Having to do it because you're single or your partner is at work/away is not the same as being made to do it when unwell even though your partner is at home and perfectly capable!

PeaFaceMcgee · 06/05/2017 20:14

Where does it say OP made him take the children to school? He could have volunteered?

Also a bit of an assumption to say the poor diddums needed to sit by the window for some fresh air - unless there's just the one single opening window in the house?!

Seems he deliberately sabotaged your test OP. He started on you first with the attacking and insults.

Saying you hate him was below the belt, but you said it as a result of being harrassed. No excuse for name-calling though, yanbu.

TheElephantofSurprise · 06/05/2017 20:23

Grow up. Cunt is just a word.
As for a horrible partner, well, review your life together and see if you want to go ahead with it.
If you do, you probably need to apologise to each other.

Chloe84 · 06/05/2017 22:55

'Grow up' is the equivalent of the 'ner ner- ner ner nah!' So childish.

SemiNormal · 06/05/2017 23:10

So childish Confused Grin

RebelRogue · 06/05/2017 23:28

How old are you people?

Funnyfarmer · 07/05/2017 00:06

Sounds like a strange relationship to me. Very strong words over something really insignificant. Maybe if you had just moved in the 1st place there would have been no row at all and you could have set of happy on your test.
Also why would you fail for stopping at an inactive traffic light? Was it dangerous to stop there?
In ten years dp and i have never called one another a cunt or said "i hate you"
Don't have a problem with the word. Call everyone at work a cunt. Think it's a bit disrespectful to use it in the family home though.
What are your serious rows like?

MyKingdomForBrie · 07/05/2017 00:18

My bad re the chair. Doesn't change my opinion in the slightest, OP sounds bloody nasty on her own reporting, let alone her DP's side of the story which we will never hear.

If my DH called me a cunt I'd be bloody upset but if he said he hated me.. I'd be so so hurt. Bone deep hurt. A swear word is just anger, expressing hate is so much worse.

melj1213 · 07/05/2017 01:19

He called you a cunt and you said you hated him in a stupid row, exacerbated by the fact he was ill and you were nervous for the test.

You were both as bad as each other BUT I am firmly on his side purely because he's now apologised for his behaviour and you haven't. He has apparently taken ownership of his behaviour but you are being too childish to acknowledge that you were in the wrong too.

FritzDonovan · 07/05/2017 01:37

I'm not joining the "Wow, he took the kids to school when he was ill!!" chorus either. Men shouldn't get bonus points for doing what women do all the time.
No, but he was ill, she was sat on her bum in the window seat...

MissEDashwood · 07/05/2017 01:55

It sounds like you were both as bad as saying you hate someone can hurt

JoyceDivision · 07/05/2017 02:33

May I ask, were you wearing a fascinator while sitting in the window seat?

midsummabreak · 07/05/2017 02:52

TheMonkeyandthePlywoodViolin
I find you can tell its an argument if you imagine substituting all the i hate you and names with 'im angry and stressed.' Thats all they mean
it really started with you not coping with your anxiety about the driving test, and lashing out on your ill husband, who just this time wasn't up to 'keeping you calm for the test'
You could have given the ill man your seat and he could have told you when the driving instructor came.

We all know, anxiety can indeed result in people lashing out when they feel they can not cope with more anxiety/stress.. He is taking responsibility for lashing out when ill and not coping, what about you?

midsummabreak · 07/05/2017 03:28

I have had to apologise countless times in my life for lashing out every now and then and am by no means above this behaviour

and I am jealous and want a window seat like yours so I can watch subjects passing by and wear my fascinator and fight with my husband over who gets to perch there

BlueChairs · 07/05/2017 04:18

Sounds like he was v unwell and frustrated and emotional and you were very stressed and emotional and it ended in a fight .. forget it. And the word cunt won't bite you if you write it ..

BlueChairs · 07/05/2017 04:18

Also saying you hated him is far worse IMO and projecting by saying it's his fault if you fail

sxround · 07/05/2017 04:28

Get off your high horse and move on.

YoureSpartacus · 07/05/2017 07:27

I'm so please MN didn't let me down and he was called abusive within a few posts.

You need to grow up OP. "Man enough to give it out, man enough to take it" seems apt here.

MaisyPops · 07/05/2017 07:56

YoureSpartacus
People don't have arguments or are occasionally mean on MN. It's always abusive according to some people. Hmm Woe betide those who dare to challenge the automatic jumps to abuse, narcissism etc.

Though there's been a good number of people who've said on this thread that both of them were wrong, which is quite refreshing.

YoureSpartacus · 07/05/2017 08:03

Though there's been a good number of people who've said on this thread that both of them were wrong

Yes, a pleasant surprise.

BusterGonad · 07/05/2017 10:26

I've had spats with my husband during times of stress, think: in another country, did one of us pack something VERY important??? No one can remember!!!! The shit hits the fan and swear words are thrown about the place! As an adult I understand that when we are stressed we get ratty and can occasionally call each other horrible names. We are both as bad as each other, we say sorry and move on. Mother of us brings it up again and we try to learn from it. Heat also makes us get the rage! 😂 40 degrees is too hot to keep anyone sane.

TheElephantofSurprise · 07/05/2017 21:11

Chloe84 Sat 06-May-17 22:55:54 'Grow up' is the equivalent of the 'ner ner- ner ner nah!' So childish
I'm so, so sorry....

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