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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband called me a name

181 replies

mum19821985 · 06/05/2017 14:44

Not just any name...the big "see you next Tuesday" I am so angry at him. Back story, DH had been up all night with diarrhea and was feeling pretty awful. I had my driving test that morning so had to get kids ready for school etc. Dh took kids to school and came home to look after our baby. I was sitting in an arm chair by the window watching out for my driving instructor. Dh said he needed to sit by the window, I said he can in 5 minutes when I leave for my test. He called me selfish and said he knew he wasn't well. We argued but eventually I moved. He said I was a nasty and horrible person. I said how could he say that 5 minutes before my test. He kept saying how horrible treat him and how nasty I am. We had an awful row, I shouted that it would be his fault if I failed. I became more stressed and told him I hated him. He said - what did you say? I said it again. He then called me the c word. I swore at him and left without saying anything. Dh has since apologised many times but still protests that my saying I hate him was much worse. I disagree and can't forget that horrible word.

OP posts:
mum19821985 · 06/05/2017 15:10

Navy's white-normally we are fine

OP posts:
TinselTwins · 06/05/2017 15:11

Nightwanderer- I don't hate him. It was said out of anger … .days ago… and you still haven't apologies. Are you still angry or just childish and too spoilt to say sorry?

swinkle · 06/05/2017 15:12

How is saying you hate your husband out of anger worse than him calling you a cunt out of anger? That's so shitty and imo emotionally abusive, especially if he's apologised repeatedly and you have yet to do so.

NavyandWhite · 06/05/2017 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HorraceTheOtter · 06/05/2017 15:13

It was an argument. DH often calls me a cunt when we argue. I don't like it, I doubt he likes it when I swear at him. It's somewhat the point. Get over it, you both need to apologise, you were worse tbh u think.

HorraceTheOtter · 06/05/2017 15:13
  • I think
SemiNormal · 06/05/2017 15:13

If DH ever used the c word or even the f word towards me I would never want to have sex with him again so I guess that would be it - You'd genuinely hand on heart finish with your DH for using cunt or fuck towards you? Fucking hell!

thegreylady · 06/05/2017 15:14

It's odd but to me , using the word for the female sexual organ as an insult or a swear word is incredibly offensive. If you can use that word like that it is demeaning to womanhood saying that female sexuality is somehow dirty and rude.
I am 73 and have never said it. My dd told me the see you next Tuesday thing and I found that quite funny but what Tuesday? Why not Thursday? No other word for female genitalia is used like this not even the much older quim which I believe is the same as cwm meaning valley.

JustAKitten · 06/05/2017 15:14

Anonymous bit dramatic

chickpeaburger · 06/05/2017 15:14

You sound very immature OP.

NightWanderer · 06/05/2017 15:14

As you don't hate him, then I'd apologise for saying that as it was unkind but not apologise for not moving.

He's apologised for calling you a cunt. It sounds like a bad situation got out of control.

You lashed out, he lashed out, you were both trying to hurt each other in the heat of the moment.

He doesn't actually think you're a cunt, you don't actually hate him but both were hateful words and you can't unring the bell so to speak.

Spam88 · 06/05/2017 15:14

I'd be far more upset if my DH said he hated me than if he swore at me. You were out of order, I can't believe you haven't apologised.

Anonym0us · 06/05/2017 15:16

Yes I would. I would see him in a different light.

HorraceTheOtter · 06/05/2017 15:16

I do agree NavyandWhite that it's horribly mysoginistic. I think that's why DH says it. He knows that that's why it annoys me. I'm more cutting with words, so that's the only retaliation he has... It is to be said that our marriage isn't great just now though.

DrunkenMissOrderly · 06/05/2017 15:17

I think you were worse tbh

scottishdiem · 06/05/2017 15:17

I think DP and I could use the full galaxy of swear words before getting to the word hate.

Cunt has a different meaning to different people although those who would be packing a suitcase at its use should probably have done so already if that's the tippling point. Hate is a much more profound emotion than what is now a relatively common word.

IloveBanff · 06/05/2017 15:17

MyKingdomForBrie It was the OP who refused to move from the chair, not her husband.

JustAKitten · 06/05/2017 15:18

Scottish same.

DP and I have sweary lighthearted arguments, I'd be much more upset if he said he hated me.

SemiNormal · 06/05/2017 15:20

Yes I would. I would see him in a different light - WOW! No judgement, just shocked. Shock

monkeyfacegrace · 06/05/2017 15:22

Seriously?

You had to sit in the armchair waiting for your instructor?

And cunt is only a word. A nice, effective swear word, that I like to use a lot. I tell my DH he is being a cunt, when he is being a cunt. He tells me the same.

You sound a bit like a drama llama to me.

Anonym0us · 06/05/2017 15:24

Well I was once called the c word by a man in a multi-storey car park over a parking non-incident and that is the only time in my life. I thought it was appalling. To have that in your own home would be even worse and I have no respect for men who speak to women like that. There is no need.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 06/05/2017 15:28

So he was ill all night, took the kids to school, was refused when asked to sit by the window presumably for fresh air. Yet he's the one who has apologised more than once and you've not apologised at all?

HarmlessChap · 06/05/2017 15:29

Was it fresh air that he wanted by sitting near the window whilst feeling unwell? But you told him he'd have to wait until you'd left the house and then he said you were selfish which started a row?

I think you were being selfish.

And IMO telling someone that loves you that you hate them is far worse than name calling. You are expressing a feeling.

I haven't apologised to him for what I said yet.

Again selfish. You are keeping him stewing, letting him consider whether you meant what you said about hating him.

HildaOg · 06/05/2017 15:30

You yelled at him and told him you hated him before he called you a cunt. Don't dish it out if you can't take it in return. At least he's apologising for his role. You owe him one for yours. Now get over yourself and grow up.

HermioneJeanGranger · 06/05/2017 15:32

I feel sorry for your husband.

He was up with diarrhoea, had to take the kids to school and look after a baby, while you did your driving test. He asks you to move so he can sit by the window (he's ill, so sitting in the fresh air is smart) and you repeatedly tell him you hate him?

Why couldn't you take the kids to school? He was back in time for you to have an argument so why did you make him go in the first place? And why couldn't you wait for your instructor to beep/text/knock instead of staring out of the window?

Apologise to your husband and hope he treats you better than that when you next get sick.