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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband called me a name

181 replies

mum19821985 · 06/05/2017 14:44

Not just any name...the big "see you next Tuesday" I am so angry at him. Back story, DH had been up all night with diarrhea and was feeling pretty awful. I had my driving test that morning so had to get kids ready for school etc. Dh took kids to school and came home to look after our baby. I was sitting in an arm chair by the window watching out for my driving instructor. Dh said he needed to sit by the window, I said he can in 5 minutes when I leave for my test. He called me selfish and said he knew he wasn't well. We argued but eventually I moved. He said I was a nasty and horrible person. I said how could he say that 5 minutes before my test. He kept saying how horrible treat him and how nasty I am. We had an awful row, I shouted that it would be his fault if I failed. I became more stressed and told him I hated him. He said - what did you say? I said it again. He then called me the c word. I swore at him and left without saying anything. Dh has since apologised many times but still protests that my saying I hate him was much worse. I disagree and can't forget that horrible word.

OP posts:
Ditsy1980 · 06/05/2017 15:33

As horrendous as it was to be called that, you told him you hated him which is just as bad really.

Elland · 06/05/2017 15:33

I would rather DP call me that than tell me hated me!

LedaP · 06/05/2017 15:35

Your relationship is normally fine.

He was ill.

You had an argument. You both said fairly nasty stuff.

So move on.

I genuinely dont see how cunt is worse than saying you hate someone. Also dont get how a lot of people are horrified by cunt and not cock.

bevelino · 06/05/2017 15:36

Every couple say regrettable words to each other, now and then and if you have a good relationship you forgive each other and move on. Don't be upset as it is not the end of the world.

BertrandRussell · 06/05/2017 15:39

"If DH ever used the c word or even the f word towards me I would never want to have sex with him again so I guess that would be it - You'd genuinely hand on heart finish with your DH for using cunt or fuck towards you? Fucking hell!"

I might too. Fuck probably not, But I would find iit very hard to forgive anyone who called me a cunt. Using the word as an insult is so profoundly misogynist that he wouldn't be the person I thought he was if he used it to me. But if you're a sweary couple, like the OP and her partner obvioulsy are it might be different. And if he's apologized, given that they are sweary it seems a bit odd not to have fo given him......

swinkle · 06/05/2017 15:39

Also dont get how a lot of people are horrified by cunt and not cock.

Me too, Leda

BertrandRussell · 06/05/2017 15:41

Because using cunt as an insult is profoundly misogynist and woman hating. The word has history.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 06/05/2017 15:41

Well he started calling her a horrible and nasty person, five minutes before her driving test. That smacks of undermining her to me. Who does that? Would you do that to your teen for instance? DD is doing her driving test next week. I'll be treating her like a queen on the morning of her test, whether I'm sick or not.

LedaP · 06/05/2017 15:44

Because using cunt as an insult is profoundly misogynist and woman hating. The word has history.

But cock is fine. Both are insults. The fact that one is for female parts and one is male parts doesnt bother me.

Or rather bothers me as much as if someone told me they hated me.

Parker231 · 06/05/2017 15:47

You both sound very childish

wineusuallyhelps · 06/05/2017 15:48

My DP and I both name-call in an argument (but not the C word as I don't like it). We tend to have a big, rapid blow-up where views are aired on both sides, and then we both calm down and resolve matters by talking decently like adults. Works for us Grin

I would find "I hate you" worse than being called a name. But I'm not judging you, as I have also said this and I felt more guilty than when I've called him an effing arsehole.

It's called an argument.

The bit about him starting an issue just before your driving test would be the thing that would upset me.

scottishdiem · 06/05/2017 15:49

I suppose if you view everything through certain lenses and several critical theories then the word only has one meaning. It's practical use for many though it isn't msyongist as they lack those lenses and the immersion on academic critical theories. It can be, especially in aggressive or leery tones towards woman. In others it's just the same as, say, fucker.

HermioneJeanGranger · 06/05/2017 15:51

@TinklyLittleLaugh

Yes, but he was up all night with the shits and she made him take the kids to school when she obviously had time to do it herself.

If I was sick and another (well) adult made me take the kids to school when they could do it themselves, I would be royally fucked off.

Redglitter · 06/05/2017 15:54

Ffs grow up. Apologise and move on.

I'd be far more hurt by my partner saying they hated me than being called a name. I don't know why you think you're the injured party here. At least he's been decent enough to apologise

Happyfeet1972 · 06/05/2017 15:57

Think you owe him an apology if he's apologised repeatedly. Neither of you have covered yourselves in glory but think you might edge being slightly worse than him....my DP telling me he hates me would devestate me and I'd imagine id say far worse than your DH in retaliation, out of hurt, especially if I was Ill.
It sounds like you were both stressed etc, don't let it escalate and draw a line under it would be my advice.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/05/2017 15:58

I'd be more annoyed at him picking a fight with you just before your driving test. Did he want you to fail?

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/05/2017 15:59

Isn't it about time you apologised then?

TheFirstMrsDV · 06/05/2017 16:02

It is an opinion that Cunt is profoundly misogynistic and women-hating.
it isn't fact.

Cunt is an insult used by and towards men and women.
Its in the same league and dick and cock and prick.
Stating its 'worse' is what makes it women hating and misogynistic in my opinion.

LedaP · 06/05/2017 16:02

Op why have you not apologised?

SnapJack68 · 06/05/2017 16:03

I think , in those circumstances, I would have called you a c u next Tuesday too!

Telling someone you hate them is pretty harsh. I would struggle to get over that if I was your husband.

You should have taken kids to school and if there was fresh air by window he could have watched out for your drIver for you. He had 5 minutes to sit and try and get some peace before he Was left in charge of the kids again with an explosive anus

Cut the guy some slack. And you should apologise too

NavyandWhite · 06/05/2017 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NavyandWhite · 06/05/2017 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnapJack68 · 06/05/2017 16:08

Because thays what OP called it and I was worried I used the actual word it may give her horrible flashbacks of being called it by diarrohea man

NavyandWhite · 06/05/2017 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnapJack68 · 06/05/2017 16:12

Cunt

There we go ! Shock Blush

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