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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Police Harassment

404 replies

Morgani97 · 06/05/2017 08:55

Desperate for some advice police,Long backstory to this. My 13 yro dd has been bullied at school for over a year,reported this to the school almost on a weekly basis yet nothing had been done. Cut a long story short dd began self harming last summer,her attitude was vile which i totally understand. However ive met a new partner who is lovely very patient and tolerant and gets on well with dd, She asked him to come along to parents evening which he did.After this there was an incident at school which resulted in dd being sent to isolation. The following day i decided to keep dd off school as she was upset about the day before. I rang the school twice and informed them she wasnt coming in and arranged a meeting for the following monday. I then went to a course i was enrolled in. I got a call from my partner telling me a teacher from the school along with a police officer and a cpso and had taken my daughter back to school. When i got home my partner informed me he had been questioned (not under caution) the police officer was offensive in his manner of questioning. I went to the school and picked my dd up she was extremely upset as she had heard everything that had been said. I put a complaint in to the school as was unsure why she had been taken back to school.Then yesterday the same police officer turned up at my home with two women who wanted to read out claires law to me ( i know all about my partners past and have no concerns) The day before a letter was delivered by hand to the school to the chairman of govenors which seems a bit of a coincidence .Again the people that turned up at our home were offensive and were asked to leave 7 times what the hell can i do w are all so upset about this which has stemmed from bullying. I should add that the bullying has been done by ten asian youths not that the creed or colour matters but obviously the school picked up on this .Sorry for the long post i just wanted to get all points across.

OP posts:
WashingMatilda · 06/05/2017 09:59

Yet another police officer here. Don't normally like to comment on these sorts of threads but if this is all how you are making it out to be, you should be very concerned for yourself and the safety of your daughter. 4 years is a hefty sentence, and indicates at least GBH, possibly GBH with intent, and I would not be surprised if the victim of that was his ex partner.
Please please listen to us.

Harrasment indeed. Hmm

TattyCat · 06/05/2017 09:59

Op, do you want you and your daughter to become 'statistics'? If not, then at the very least, follow the advice on here and pull your head out of the sand before it's too late.

Penfold007 · 06/05/2017 10:00

School have concerns about a vulnerable child who has a history of self harm. They are concerned enough to do a home visit with a police officer. They find the child one her own in the house with an adult male who is not relative. They will have asked him to identify himself and will then have made enquiries. Child is removed from the house back to school until the mother collects her.
Police return the next day to discuss a disclosure under Clare's Law. Your BF hasn't been truthful he has come to notice for DV. A four year prison sentence for assault means it was a serious assault.
This isn't police harassment. You can expect Social Services involvement now.

Honeybee79 · 06/05/2017 10:00

The police are trying to protect you and your daughter.

The bullying and the police presence are separate issues. The police are there because there is something of v serious concern in your partner's history - more than assaulting a police officer. He's not told you the truth op. Speak to the police asap and do no leave your daughter alone with him.

MycatsaPirate · 06/05/2017 10:00

You aren't listening to anyone.

Go and speak to the police. Ask them for the true story. Then get this man out of your life.

LucieLucie · 06/05/2017 10:00

Morgani please don't be one of those desperate women who put men before their self respect and own children.

Your teen daughter has started self harming...when??

When did you bring this jail bird into your home?

*Don't assume you know everything about him and they are being deliberately harassing, believe me they have better things to do.

Everything they do is for a reason.

Wake up woman!!*

WashingMatilda · 06/05/2017 10:00

Oh, and I have been assaulted on duty before. The offender got 22 hours of community service and had to pay me £70

Confused
originalbiglymavis · 06/05/2017 10:01

It sounds like he is lying. It sounds like there is something nasty in his past that he just hasn't told you. For whatever reason - but he's had plenty of time to tell you. He is living a lie. I feel that if he was remorseful wouldn't he tell the whole story and say how he was sorry, has changed, etc? The police waving a big red flag is a BIG RED FLAG. I would find out more but ask him to distance himself u til you know the full story. He has been lying to you by the sounds of it.

Your daughter is number one priority not some bloke. Get your priorities in order for God's sake.

Please don't be one of those Jeremy Kyle women 'but at the end of the day, I laaaaave 'im".

nachogazpacho · 06/05/2017 10:01

I wonder if the ' police are harassing me ' idea was his? So he could say he's normal, the police are the ones being abnormal.

Freddystarshamster · 06/05/2017 10:02

In all the time I've been a police officer I've NEVER taken a child to school from their home address. There's lots more to this which you've either not listened to, or are not reporting here

BTW the police doing their job safeguarding you and your daughter is not harassment.

TheGentleMoose · 06/05/2017 10:03

Can we all calm down with judging the OP and saying she's gone because she's not listening. There a thousand reasons why she may have gone, and given the fact she's just had a Clare's Law application made about her current partner it may mean it's not actually safe for her to view this thread at the current time

dailystuck71 · 06/05/2017 10:03

OP please come back. Don't hide. Please listen to the good advice given.

AskBasil · 06/05/2017 10:04

Yes, YABU.

I hope you are reading and taking note of the posters saying that your new boyf is lying to you. He is clearly dangerous and for once, the police are actually doing their job properly, inviting you to make the application you need to to find out the truth about your boyf's past.

Also, tbh even if he weren't lying (which he undoubtedly is) where the fuck are your priorities right now? If the police hate your boyf enough to harass him (if their behaviour could be defined as harassment) then why do you want him in the house?

This is not a man you've loved for years, the father of your children, with whom you've been through thick and thin, whom the nasty Old Bill have suddenly started harassing for no good reason.

This is a Johnny Come Lately bloke of whom you know absolutely nothing, who has come to the attention of the police to the extent that in his eyes, they're prepared to harass him.

Now, police resources are thin. They don't have time to harass many people. If they've decided this guy is worth harassing, even if he is Gandhi and utterly blameless, why are you bothering to have him and his baggage around? You have much bigger fish to fry. Your DD needs all your energy and help and support, you don't have the luxury of being able to concentrate on helping your poor innocent boyfriend withstand police harassment. Your priority should be your daughter, Gandhi can stand on his own two feet.

Except he's not Gandhi is he. He's obviously a violent, dangerous abuser and you're burying your head in the sand about that because you want a boyf. Let him go. Concentrate on your dd, she needs you.

originalbiglymavis · 06/05/2017 10:04

No on your daughter's side. She is your kid and your responsibility.

He is not your responsibility.

Morgani97 · 06/05/2017 10:04

No violence has been shown here,the odd cross word now and again but nothing major. I will however go to the police and see what they have to say as dd is my top of my list.I shall keep you posted as to what i find out. I do know that he spent time in jail for the crime he committed but surely it shouldnt follow him for the rest of his life

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 06/05/2017 10:05

You need to stop and listen to people - police don't routinely hassle people or disclose info. Do school know the blokes name - perhaps they have safeguarding issues ?

MsJamieFraser · 06/05/2017 10:05

You need to take the police seriously OP, sit with them and listen to what they have to say, get the facts from 2 sides of the coin, listen to both and take your own conclusion from there.

Have you received any support for your DD in terms of the self harming?

You need to write a full meal complaints letter to the school and ask for their bullying policy and what measures they are undertaking to help your ds while at school.

PortCheese · 06/05/2017 10:05

How long does it take to receive the information back after making an application under Clare's law?

KungFuEric · 06/05/2017 10:06

Sigh, your life must be quite the car crash if you think the police are the ones behaving unreasonably in all of this.

Your poor daughter. Who's looking after her?

DJBaggySmalls · 06/05/2017 10:06

Morgani97
Do you think someone who wanted to prey on your daughter would tell you that up front?

CauliflowerSqueeze · 06/05/2017 10:07

Yeah sounds like they're harassing you OP Hmm they all just sit around the police station with nothing to do all day and just thought "blimey guys I'm getting bored of solitaire, how about we go and make up a story about a bloke being a risk and take a child out of the house he's in and take her to school?". A few yawned and nodded agreement, after all this was the 10th day in a row where nobody had rung the police and there had been no emergencies and nobody had broken any law and it was getting boring. So they all thought they'd make up a story and harass you OP.

Elendon · 06/05/2017 10:07

We have no idea of your background which could well be wealthy and not Jeremy Kyle 'sink estates' Please don't judge this in terms of class and money. All violence against women matter and the reasons why women 'choose to stay', horrible phrase, is complex. The police know this. They are there to help not harass.

I'm sure the OP is taking this all in, but time isn't on your side. One thing you can be sure of is that the Police are on your side.

RestlessTravellerTheSequel · 06/05/2017 10:07

So the 'domestics' were with a precious partner, do you know the details?

GuinessPunch · 06/05/2017 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 06/05/2017 10:08

I'm sorry to detail but so many people are spelling it Claire's law, and it's not. Her name was Clare Wood, and because of that it's Clare's Law. I'm sorry to be pedantic, but it matters.
OP, please do go and speak to the police and see what they have to say. I echo PP when I say they wouldn't throw this around lightly. You and your DD have to be the priority.