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AIBU?

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Original poster

Police Harassment

404 replies

Morgani97 · 06/05/2017 08:55

Desperate for some advice police,Long backstory to this. My 13 yro dd has been bullied at school for over a year,reported this to the school almost on a weekly basis yet nothing had been done. Cut a long story short dd began self harming last summer,her attitude was vile which i totally understand. However ive met a new partner who is lovely very patient and tolerant and gets on well with dd, She asked him to come along to parents evening which he did.After this there was an incident at school which resulted in dd being sent to isolation. The following day i decided to keep dd off school as she was upset about the day before. I rang the school twice and informed them she wasnt coming in and arranged a meeting for the following monday. I then went to a course i was enrolled in. I got a call from my partner telling me a teacher from the school along with a police officer and a cpso and had taken my daughter back to school. When i got home my partner informed me he had been questioned (not under caution) the police officer was offensive in his manner of questioning. I went to the school and picked my dd up she was extremely upset as she had heard everything that had been said. I put a complaint in to the school as was unsure why she had been taken back to school.Then yesterday the same police officer turned up at my home with two women who wanted to read out claires law to me ( i know all about my partners past and have no concerns) The day before a letter was delivered by hand to the school to the chairman of govenors which seems a bit of a coincidence .Again the people that turned up at our home were offensive and were asked to leave 7 times what the hell can i do w are all so upset about this which has stemmed from bullying. I should add that the bullying has been done by ten asian youths not that the creed or colour matters but obviously the school picked up on this .Sorry for the long post i just wanted to get all points across.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 06/05/2017 09:39

TMy post made no sense

Try Again:

"domestics' sounds kind of cosy. Which I am sure they were not

This thread is going nowhere

NotTheBelleoftheBall · 06/05/2017 09:40

I am a bit shocked you left ANY new partner at home alone with your very vulnerable 13 year old daughter.

The fact that the police and child protection agencies are pushing Claire's Law indicates that he is not safe to have around your child. Please listen to them.

stitchglitched · 06/05/2017 09:40

How long have you been with him? And why on earth would you bring a man with a history of convictions for violence and accusations of DV into your child's life?

Mrsemcgregor · 06/05/2017 09:40

Could the school have provided the police with the information? You said he was at parents evening. Did you have to sign in?

thatdearoctopus · 06/05/2017 09:41

OK, I'm confused.
They discovered your dd was home alone with your boyfriend. They removed her from the house. Then they returned (with two female... officers?) at a later date and read Clare's Law to you? So they'd discovered in the meantime his name/background.

LedaP · 06/05/2017 09:41

I am also wondering how the school knew to be concerned about this man. How did they get his full name. How did someone even think to check clares law. They were concerned enough to turn up at the house before they even questioned him. Seems they knew something then.

Seems you can make a third party request and the police disclose the information to the person at risk.

For some reason somebody or the school have made the request and the police have gone to the op.

If it was somebody else, its probably someone who knows he is a danger and concerned about the Op and her child. Perhaps an ex of his.

If its the school, its possivle the dd has mentioned something herself. Or someone has contacted the school again maybe an ex of his or someone that knows him.

Either way, whoever requested the information under clares law knows something would be found. If there was no cause for concern the police would not disclose anything.

GloGirl · 06/05/2017 09:41

So there had been domestic violence. What was the circumstances from what the police have said? You told them 7 times to leave which makes me think you didn't take the time to listen to what they had to say about it.

Why were they so concerned when he was left home alone with your daughter?

GinIsIn · 06/05/2017 09:41

So you know he's been involved in two incidences of domestic violence, you are leaving him home alone with your vulnerable DD, and when the police try and warn you about possible danger your first thought is to complain about the police?! Please wise up - you need to check the facts by making a request under Claire's law and you need to look to the best interests of your child!

Fluffycloudland77 · 06/05/2017 09:42

Dhs ex admitted to a crime on tape under caution, on two seperate interviews.

She wasn't taken to trial over it though because of cps funding issues. She still committed a crime though.

RebootYourEngine · 06/05/2017 09:42

I do not know much about Clare's Law but i do know that it is about Domestic Abuse.

I would be listening to the police and making an application under Clare's Law.

leedspirate · 06/05/2017 09:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LedaP · 06/05/2017 09:44

I think they did know he was a danger before they turned up the first time. Why turn up with the police to return a child to school for one day off?

4 years for assaulting a police officer. Thats bullshit. He wouldnt have even been sentanced to 4. Never mind served 4.

And reported for domestic incidents?

LadyGlitterSparklesSeriously · 06/05/2017 09:44

They're trying to keep you safe, they aren't harrassing you.

Listen to them! What did they disclose, if anything?

What exactly were these 'domestics'?

thatdearoctopus · 06/05/2017 09:44

OP, are you hearing any of this?

Or are we wasting our time?

Mrsemcgregor · 06/05/2017 09:45

I will say though, it would save a lot of time and stress if the police just told the OP exactly what they know about him. If there is a risk then it should be eliminated asap.

Elendon · 06/05/2017 09:45

Would the assault on the police officer occurred whilst dealing with a DV incident that involved your partner? The Police are not at fault here. Safeguarding measures have been put into place regarding your DD. You need to get to the root cause of her self harm, but you also need to be realistic regarding your new partner. Believe me, they know his name and everything about him. Assaulting a police officer is a serious crime.

viques · 06/05/2017 09:45

So he was inside for four years. Usually only half a sentence is served, so he was sentenced to 8 years. That is is very serious conviction, and there were in addition"two domestics that he was not convicted for". And the rest says my cynical mind.

All I can say is the prison service is doing a better job than it is usually credited for if they have turned this violent abusive criminal into a pussycat.

ChuddaBum · 06/05/2017 09:45

The police don't give this sort of information out willy nilly, even under Claire's law.

Someone has to make an application for the information, and they disclose the relevant information to the person at risk and/or a person an a position to safeguard that person.

So someone you know has made an application under Claire's law for this information, and it has been disclosed to you because you are the person at risk. Someone close to you obviously has concerns about your DP, any by the sounds of it, rightly so.

Etymology23 · 06/05/2017 09:46

4 years for assault is a really long time.

ABH usually only gets a year or two max, and there are plenty of non-custodial sentences. (See the many news stories about the cricketer convicted of DV recently.)

I would have a read of the sentencing guidelines for abh and gbh if you can, (I'll try to find them) so you can see the type of incident that would result in a similar sentence. (Esp. remembering that if your partner behaved well in prison he might well have got time off for good behaviour.)

I hope things work out for you op - I think I'd listen to the Claire's law stuff, because if he's not done anything else that you don't know about, no harm will be done, and if he does you need to know - for your daughters sake if nothing else.

SparklyMagpie · 06/05/2017 09:46

How long have you been with this man? I'm shocked you left your daughter with him. Sounds like they have every right to be concerned

LostSight · 06/05/2017 09:46

Just to clarify he was in prison for four years 15 years ago not in prison for 15 years. There had been two domestics that he was not convicted for.

Please can you clarify further. Is this what he has told you? Or is this information that has been revealed to you through Claire's law?

If this had been raised with me, I would seek all the information available to protect my child.

thatdearoctopus · 06/05/2017 09:46

At the very very least, he has concerning anger issues. One day, if not already, they'll be directed at you - or your dd.

You ready for that?

NotDavidTennant · 06/05/2017 09:47

The police don't enforce school attendance. There's more to this than you're telling us.

ChuddaBum · 06/05/2017 09:47

And also, unless it formed part of a series of other crimes, people don't generally go to prison or actually even get convicted of assaulting a police officer, unless it was very serious i.e he stabbed the officer etc.

Greyponcho · 06/05/2017 09:47

Speaking as someone whose DM admitted to someone else, in front of me as an adult, that she did "wonder at the time" if my DSDad was likely to be 'interested' in me as a young girl (he wasn't, btw), how do you think that made me feel now knowing that she had her suspicions but went ahead and married him anyway?

The police are waving a great big red flag in front of you, OP.
You may be putting your DD at more risk than you think - seems you percieve only the school bullying to be a risk - your DP may be a risk too and you must find out now - too late if someone gets hurt.

Listen to what they have to say - what have you got to lose?
Flowers for your DD