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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Police Harassment

404 replies

Morgani97 · 06/05/2017 08:55

Desperate for some advice police,Long backstory to this. My 13 yro dd has been bullied at school for over a year,reported this to the school almost on a weekly basis yet nothing had been done. Cut a long story short dd began self harming last summer,her attitude was vile which i totally understand. However ive met a new partner who is lovely very patient and tolerant and gets on well with dd, She asked him to come along to parents evening which he did.After this there was an incident at school which resulted in dd being sent to isolation. The following day i decided to keep dd off school as she was upset about the day before. I rang the school twice and informed them she wasnt coming in and arranged a meeting for the following monday. I then went to a course i was enrolled in. I got a call from my partner telling me a teacher from the school along with a police officer and a cpso and had taken my daughter back to school. When i got home my partner informed me he had been questioned (not under caution) the police officer was offensive in his manner of questioning. I went to the school and picked my dd up she was extremely upset as she had heard everything that had been said. I put a complaint in to the school as was unsure why she had been taken back to school.Then yesterday the same police officer turned up at my home with two women who wanted to read out claires law to me ( i know all about my partners past and have no concerns) The day before a letter was delivered by hand to the school to the chairman of govenors which seems a bit of a coincidence .Again the people that turned up at our home were offensive and were asked to leave 7 times what the hell can i do w are all so upset about this which has stemmed from bullying. I should add that the bullying has been done by ten asian youths not that the creed or colour matters but obviously the school picked up on this .Sorry for the long post i just wanted to get all points across.

OP posts:
flibberdy · 06/05/2017 09:18

Go to the police today. Go alone, don't tell your partner you are going. Speak to them and listen.
Please listen to this advice.
He isn't being 100% truthful.

Elphaba99 · 06/05/2017 09:18

"If the police believe that someone is at risk and in need of protection from harm, they will take immediate action."

I am guessing that this is why your Dd was returned to school, OP. For her own safety.

Goldfishjane · 06/05/2017 09:20

OP do you know what Claire's Law is?

Mrsemcgregor · 06/05/2017 09:21

The police are trying to give you information to help you. Listen to them and then decide what to do about your DP.

This isn't standard procedure for the police so they must be concerned. You owe it to your DD and yourself to know ALL the facts about his past.

LornaD40 · 06/05/2017 09:24

I also think the school has real concerns. have there been any domestic incidents at home? (In some areas, schools receive police reports every time police are called to a domestic incident, although are not allowed to share this information with families)
I can't see why they would have gone round with a police officer unless they had real safeguarding concerns.

RestlessTravellerTheSequel · 06/05/2017 09:24

Domestic Violence Social Worker here. Claire's Law is the Domestic Abuse disclosure scheme and nothing to do with assaulting police officers. He's lying to
you about his past. Please issue a Claire's Law request and make an informed decision.

Doyoumind · 06/05/2017 09:25

How long have you been with this man and what do you know about him? What is your relationship like? I would be worried. I don't know what your past experiences have been but dangerous men don't come along with a big sign saying they're dangerous. They can appear to be lovely. You have to look carefully at their behaviour to see the real person. Maybe there's stuff there that you aren't seeing.

If the police are concerned you should be too. If their concerns about your dd's welfare aren't listened to you could see this escalate.

thatdearoctopus · 06/05/2017 09:28

Can you give examples of how you feel your new partner "gets on well" with your dd? Did her self-harming begin before or after he moved in?

Note3 · 06/05/2017 09:28

Please listen to the advice here.
Police Do NOT share information very easily with other professional agencies (it's like pulling teeth sometimes) so for them to be trying to disclose to you without you requesting it means you really need to pay attention.

Do not tell him you are doing it but go to the station and ask for a disclosure under clares law.

I appreciate from your view he is a lovely patient kind man. I'm sure he seems that way right now, but be aware this can change and it can change fast. That the police want to disclose concerns to you makes me inclined to worry he is dangerous.

You obviously care for your daughter greatly. Show this by keeping both her and yourself safe by taking the steps above.

You may have some hard decisions ahead of you, but please whatever you do don't be an ostrich, keep your head out the sand and your eyes and ears open. At the mo you are anti police and school as you feel they're being unfair, but in truth they're likely trying to help you, it's just you don't want to listen right now.

thatdearoctopus · 06/05/2017 09:29

And I agree; whilst assaulting a police officer is a serious offence, it wouldn't warrant a custodial sentence in and of itself.

RachelRagged · 06/05/2017 09:30

fuck me, don't some read the full thread ?

It was 15 years ago . He did not DO 15 years !!
Either so, if police came to warn me Id NOT be complaining abut the police that's for sure.

thatdearoctopus · 06/05/2017 09:32

Rachel, only one person has made that error, to be fair.

NotYoda · 06/05/2017 09:34

This is highly highly unusual. They must have real genuine concerns about the safety of your DD while he is in the house.

Don't bury your head in the sand.

LedaP · 06/05/2017 09:35

I dont think he did 15 years.

I do however doubt he went to prison for only this. Unless it was particularly savage.

Fluffycloudland77 · 06/05/2017 09:36

Their concerned about your daughters safety enough to remove her from his care.

You've been lied to by him, no one goes to prison just for assaulting an officer. Prisons would be over run if they did.

You need to wise up.

Guavaf1sh · 06/05/2017 09:36

I hope you now take the advice given you by the police officers seriously. This is an example of where mumsnet advice can make an important difference in making an OP reaslise that not not only is she wrong but dangerously wrong. Well done all

Original poster
Morgani97 · 06/05/2017 09:36

Just to clarify he was in prison for four years 15 years ago not in prison for 15 years. There had been two domestics that he was not convicted for. the bullying at school was going on long before we met and also the self harming.

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 06/05/2017 09:37

There's also the point that if he feels that the prison sentence for assault is the acceptable part to own, what else is there in his past that he's not admitting to? That's where the police can help. After all, he's hardly likely to tell you he's committed DV (or worse, where your dd could be concerned), is he?

MongerTruffle · 06/05/2017 09:37

The police wouldn't have come to your house and read Clare's Law to you if your partner went to prison for assaulting a police officer.

Original poster
Morgani97 · 06/05/2017 09:38

The day they came to my home to take her back to school they did not know his name or anything about him.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 06/05/2017 09:38

Hmm

'domestics' Which I am sure they were not sounds kind of cosy doesn't it?

This thread is going nowhere. Good luck OP

thatdearoctopus · 06/05/2017 09:39

There had been two domestics that he was not convicted for.

Shock Shock HELLO!!!!! That doesn't mean they didn't happen. (and what do you mean by "domestics?")

Wake up and smell the coffee, OP!

QuiteLikely5 · 06/05/2017 09:39

I've never heard of the police coming into the family home and taking a child back to school

They either told you something under Claire's Law or they didn't. I suspect you are lying here because of the info you said they gave you is not relevant under Claire's law

If your DD was put in isolation then it's not wise to keep her off school the next day?!?

Why not move her school if it's as bad as you say

myoriginal3 · 06/05/2017 09:39

There will be concern for you too OP, not just for your daughter. But, if you feel everything is fine, you're not going to listen. Keep well.

LornaD40 · 06/05/2017 09:39

It just doesn't make sense OP. We can barely spare staff to do a home visit when really needed let alone get a police officer and pcso to come to your house. They just have serious safeguarding concerns or this has come through the police. Really doesn't add up.