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Original poster

Police Harassment

404 replies

Morgani97 · 06/05/2017 08:55

Desperate for some advice police,Long backstory to this. My 13 yro dd has been bullied at school for over a year,reported this to the school almost on a weekly basis yet nothing had been done. Cut a long story short dd began self harming last summer,her attitude was vile which i totally understand. However ive met a new partner who is lovely very patient and tolerant and gets on well with dd, She asked him to come along to parents evening which he did.After this there was an incident at school which resulted in dd being sent to isolation. The following day i decided to keep dd off school as she was upset about the day before. I rang the school twice and informed them she wasnt coming in and arranged a meeting for the following monday. I then went to a course i was enrolled in. I got a call from my partner telling me a teacher from the school along with a police officer and a cpso and had taken my daughter back to school. When i got home my partner informed me he had been questioned (not under caution) the police officer was offensive in his manner of questioning. I went to the school and picked my dd up she was extremely upset as she had heard everything that had been said. I put a complaint in to the school as was unsure why she had been taken back to school.Then yesterday the same police officer turned up at my home with two women who wanted to read out claires law to me ( i know all about my partners past and have no concerns) The day before a letter was delivered by hand to the school to the chairman of govenors which seems a bit of a coincidence .Again the people that turned up at our home were offensive and were asked to leave 7 times what the hell can i do w are all so upset about this which has stemmed from bullying. I should add that the bullying has been done by ten asian youths not that the creed or colour matters but obviously the school picked up on this .Sorry for the long post i just wanted to get all points across.

OP posts:
BeeThirtythree · 06/05/2017 10:09

Troll seems to be a lot of issues you have going on.

In my professional experience, it would be very unlikely for the police to act in this way, especially in the presence of a minor.
Why would the school make an issue of the race of the alleged bullies? If, as you say, it is irrelevant...then there were no incidents of racism?

BeeThirtythree · 06/05/2017 10:09

*There

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 06/05/2017 10:10

Derail not detail.

MyNameIsntTaken · 06/05/2017 10:10

Tbh OP I've known quite a few people who had abusive boyfriends, and not 1 single person I know has been warned by the police, even from guys who were well known to the police. So for them to warn you it must be extreme. They just don't to that as a normal thing. Clair's Law is serious. They don't warn you because he once hit somebody it has to be more.

And 4 years for assaulting a police officer? Yea right. Must have been some assault. Common assault usually has a max of 6 months in jail, and even that doesn't happen much, it's usually a community order or something small like that, sometimes even just a bind over which basically just means you have to behave for a few months. He didn't just assault a police officer and get 4 years. He more likely battered somebody properly and a police officer was assaulted during the arrest or something and it's just a little add on to a bigger offence.

They came there because they're worried about you and your daughter. And be warned, they could see it as a safeguarding issue in the end. I would go and speak to the police in private and find out what's going on if I were you. Don't tell him you're going though.

He can't even tell you the real reason he was in jail. He probably knows you would run a mile. Don't confront him about it, just go and speak to the police privately.

Empireoftheclouds · 06/05/2017 10:11

I do know that he spent time in jail for the crime he committed but surely it shouldnt follow him for the rest of his life. Well if it puts you and your DD at risk then YES, it should follow him. Lots of women don't get the warning you are getting right now, please, please listen to it.

He already has you where he wants you, you are minimising, accepting and enabling. Stop it now for you and your precious daughter.

WhooooAmI24601 · 06/05/2017 10:11

OP it's difficult to guess exactly how severe his crime was and how much danger it could potentially put you in, but I do know that they take Claire's Law incredibly seriously. To have come to your home and taken your DD to school under police guard is a huge cost to their time and resources; they would have to justify that action if they were ever asked. Ergo, they must have compelling evidence that removing her and advising you was the right choice.

Allow the police to explain further with as open a mind as you can manage. At least then you'll know the full extent of your partners past.

MyNameIsntTaken · 06/05/2017 10:11

Sorry. Clare's Law Blush
It does matter. Sorry for the mistake.

Elendon · 06/05/2017 10:11

It depends on the severity of the case OP as to whether it should follow him for the rest of his life. Please be aware that 15 years ago serious incidents involving GBH, especially in DV situations, were not taken as seriously when it came to sentencing as it is now. I'm heartened by your update. Please do keep in touch with the police. You don't need to let the thread know of the details if you don't want to. You are obviously thinking of you and your DD. Good luck and please heed the advice the Police give.

DrunkenMissOrderly · 06/05/2017 10:12

I'm glad you've decided to go to the police. If he has been honest with you about his past you won't find out anything to concern you will you. I think you might though and for that reason I think it would be wise not to tell him you are going to do this.
And please do it quickly.

WhooooAmI24601 · 06/05/2017 10:12

Clare's Law. Sorry Saor*

AskBasil · 06/05/2017 10:12

"No violence has been shown here,the odd cross word now and again but nothing major"

Er, you've been with him 5 minutes. Of course no violence has been shown yet.

Abusers need to groom their victims to accept the violence. Sometimes that takes days, sometimes weeks, sometimes months and sometimes literally years.

The crime doesn't need to follow him around forever once he's done his time, but you don't need to be the one to let him enter your home and your life and your child's life. You don't owe him forgiveness for his crime and you don't need to risk your own safety and that of your daughter, for his rehabilitation. You're not the Rehabilitation of Offenders Act, you're the mother a vulnerable child who needs you to focus on her.

TheGentleMoose · 06/05/2017 10:12

@Morgani97 Thank you so much for coming back and posting again. It is good to see you are taking the advice shared here and are going to contact the police and have a chat with them to find out exactly what their concerns are, and if there are any ways that these concerns can be alleviated. It would be good to have a think about the 'cross words' that have been said, and discuss these - I found it useful to take examples of arguments into my MARAC interviews and discuss what was wrong and what was right in different situations [with people other than my then ex-partner]. Talking these through with people allowed everyone to have a good idea on what my basis of safeguarding myself was as well as giving everyone insight into our relationship.

The police will not disclose anything they don't think is necessary. Please make sure you go in with an attitude that shows you want to work with them and not against them.

On a separate note - you may want to ask if they have police cadets or similar in your area for your daughter, or ask if there are any local programs to improve confidence when children have been bullied? The police may be able to put you in touch with places that are more proactive than the school have been with the bullying to date.

Use the meeting with the police to your advantage and get as much advice, information and suggestions from them as possible. Make sure if they do say your partner is a risk you leave with a plan which they have OKd and remember it's OK to ask them for further support. Ask them if there are any ways they can suggest to keep you and your daughter safe if you do separate and what you should do if you feel that things are escalating if you do or don't separate.

KungFuEric · 06/05/2017 10:12

Does he live with you?

NotYoda · 06/05/2017 10:13

TheGentle

Good post

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 06/05/2017 10:13

I didn't mean to be a twat, I just think that because Clare's Law is a direct result of the murder of Clare Wood and it's her legacy that it should be recognised. Sorry for being a pedant.

Elendon · 06/05/2017 10:13

You're not being helpful GuinnessPunch Horrible nickname for a thread like this.

NotYoda · 06/05/2017 10:14

Saor

You are not a twat. It is important

RebelRogue · 06/05/2017 10:15

What you need to do is separate the issues with the school from the issues with your partner.
On the school front,have you followed the complaint chain as far as you could go? If it's physical you can ivolve the police yourself. As a last resort if your daughter is miserable you can change schools.

On the partner front,there is something there. The police are trying to warn you. Listen to them and don't get defensive/on the offensive because you associate them with the school. However they got involved,they are concerned. That is enough.

LedaP · 06/05/2017 10:15

I do know that he spent time in jail for the crime he committed but surely it shouldnt follow him for the rest of his life

You have no clue of the details though. To have spent 4 years in prison he will have been sentenced to around 8. You do not get 8 years for assaulting a police officer. You wouldnt even get 4.

Honestly, i dont think someone doing something bad as a one off should follow them forever. However, its clear its not a one off, you dont know the whole story and its not right to out your dd at risk so he doesnt feel his past is ruining his life.

You posted in october that you were lonely and didnt get adult converstation. You have been with him less than 6 months and risking your dd when you nothing about him.

nixi86 · 06/05/2017 10:15

OP when my eldest was born my XP still lived at home with his mother and her partner, he was a very odd man,we did have an idea at the time that his life story didnt add up. both myself and xp brother had babies around the same time me a son the other child a baby girl.

when both babies were around 6 months old the police came to take him away for breaking the terms of his sentence, he had prior convictions for child abuse, he used to invited the kids in off the street to play board games and had been doing that for almost a year.

I think what i am trying to say is you never know someones history, you will always get the edited version. And the police don't do these things lightly. 4 years is a long sentence and that's without considering he may have been released early.

I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but please take notice

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 06/05/2017 10:16

NotYoda thank you Flowers

TattyCat · 06/05/2017 10:16

Your daughter looks to you to protect her. You're not doing that right now, but glad to read that you're going to look into it a bit further.

In your shoes, I'd be getting this man out of my life, pronto, but you don't sound particularly troubled about his past. There are some crimes that absolutely should follow someone around for life, regardless, because some people don't learn from their mistakes.

HoldBackTheRain · 06/05/2017 10:17

OP a lot of police forces still don't take DV very seriously (look at latest HMIC report into DV - they found police can seriously downgrade DV assaults). The fact that this police force is being very pro active shows how seriously they are taking this - what ever he served 4 years for I doubt it was for assaulting a PC and more like beating an ex partner.

Please don't look at this as a form of harassment - it doesn't sound like it is. Your daughter is vulnerable already because of the situation at school, please don't put either of you at further risk by not listening to what you're being told.

ChristmasFluff · 06/05/2017 10:17

The ex (not my ex-husband, another, abusive partner, to be clear) always tells people he went to prison for criminal damage to a car. He neglects to mention it was parked on my drive, and that he did it as part of his stalking of me. He thus broke the court-imposed restraining order he was originally given for four counts of assault on me, and that is why he ended up in prison. I know of at least two women who have been informed via Clare's Law. Neither of those believed the Police either. Until it happened to them. Abusive men are good liars.

TheGentleMoose · 06/05/2017 10:18

@SaorAlbaGuBrath Sorry - thank you for the correction, it is important. You are not a twat for pointing that out at all.

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