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AIBU?

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Original poster

Police Harassment

404 replies

Morgani97 · 06/05/2017 08:55

Desperate for some advice police,Long backstory to this. My 13 yro dd has been bullied at school for over a year,reported this to the school almost on a weekly basis yet nothing had been done. Cut a long story short dd began self harming last summer,her attitude was vile which i totally understand. However ive met a new partner who is lovely very patient and tolerant and gets on well with dd, She asked him to come along to parents evening which he did.After this there was an incident at school which resulted in dd being sent to isolation. The following day i decided to keep dd off school as she was upset about the day before. I rang the school twice and informed them she wasnt coming in and arranged a meeting for the following monday. I then went to a course i was enrolled in. I got a call from my partner telling me a teacher from the school along with a police officer and a cpso and had taken my daughter back to school. When i got home my partner informed me he had been questioned (not under caution) the police officer was offensive in his manner of questioning. I went to the school and picked my dd up she was extremely upset as she had heard everything that had been said. I put a complaint in to the school as was unsure why she had been taken back to school.Then yesterday the same police officer turned up at my home with two women who wanted to read out claires law to me ( i know all about my partners past and have no concerns) The day before a letter was delivered by hand to the school to the chairman of govenors which seems a bit of a coincidence .Again the people that turned up at our home were offensive and were asked to leave 7 times what the hell can i do w are all so upset about this which has stemmed from bullying. I should add that the bullying has been done by ten asian youths not that the creed or colour matters but obviously the school picked up on this .Sorry for the long post i just wanted to get all points across.

OP posts:
NotYoda · 06/05/2017 09:49

he was her new DP in July 2016 and she was glad that he wasn't a scumbag like other men

Whatthefuckis1tnow · 06/05/2017 09:50

Another police officer here. He isn't telling you the full story im afraid. He wouldn't serve 4 years for assault on a pc plus for Claire's law to be read to you he most definitely would have been convicted on domestic assault. It sounds like it was serious and that there is concern for your safety. I second asking for full disclosure of his previous offences. Speak to the police and not your partner about this and protect yourself and your child.

UrsulaPandress · 06/05/2017 09:50

Good to see that the police are on the ball.

Apairofsparklingeyes · 06/05/2017 09:50

Morgan, please listen to what everyone is trying to tell you. Police do not turn up trying to inform you about Clare's law unless there is potential danger to you and your DD.

You say that you know about your dp's past. Have you spoken to any of his previous partners? Don't just believe what he says. Go to the police and find out why they came to visit.

TheGentleMoose · 06/05/2017 09:51

My understanding regarding Clare's Law is about any crime which has been committed which could put the new partner at risk of domestic violence, it is not necessarily limited to acts of domestic violence. The larger picture of a person's behaviour is taken, including all of the crimes that they have committed to ascertain the level of danger, rather than crimes just specific to assaulting a partner. Assaulting a police officer would fall into this, but only if there were other crimes that he has been accused of - not if it was the sole crime.

I don't feel there is a need to make an application under Clare's Law OP. It seems that the police have already shared the relevant information with you - anyone can make an application and perhaps in this case the school, or the attending police office, have done so. Otherwise you would not be told about his previous convictions [data protection].

It is clear there are some grave concerns for the safety of your children and it would be wise to work with the relative authorities and services to try and find solutions to these concerns rather than fight against them and risk continuing behaviour of leaving your children in at risk situations. My advice to you would be to contact the police and ask for a face-to-face meeting without your children or partner being present - go in with a clear head and listen to what they have to say, and, ask them what their advice, or the options they suggest are. Make sure you ask the key question which is "is it safe for my children to be left with my partner".

The police incident has not stemmed from the bullying - it has stemmed from your partner's past behaviour. If he was involved in asking the police to leave seven times then this could have come across as controlling behaviour and may have raised suspicions and concern to a higher level.

ifeelcraptonight · 06/05/2017 09:52

He's lying and minimising. Listen to the police.

mumofthemonsters808 · 06/05/2017 09:53

Read and listen to the responses OP, this is a serious matter, the Police and School are concerned about the safety of your Dd.

DJBaggySmalls · 06/05/2017 09:53

Stop playing Russian roulette with your daughter. You dont need a boyfriend that badly.

Take her to self defense classes. Look for Judo, Akido and Womens self defense classes.
Get her a personal alarm and tell her to use it.
Walk her to and from school.

PinkSquash · 06/05/2017 09:54

You are totally blinkered OP, the police wouldn't take a child to school unless they had serious concerns over their safety. That alonevery would make me very worried.

This man will be charming and lovely and seemingly perfect, but he has a very disgusting past that you are being warned about. Heed the Police's advice, they're concerned for the welfare of you and your daughter, listen to them.

TheGoodWife16 · 06/05/2017 09:54

If you continue to keep your head in the sand OP, I sincerely hope your daughter is taken away from you, for her own safety. You choose to ruin your life if you wish, despite all of the warnings being given. Don't ruin your daughter's life too. She's having a tough enough time as it is. Shame on you.

WayfaringStranger · 06/05/2017 09:54

It sounds like you're putting this man before your daughter's welfare. "Domestics"???! Ugh.

TheGentleMoose · 06/05/2017 09:55

After a Clare's Law application has been made the police only chose to share the information with the person involved if it is deemed they are at risk.

They would not be sharing this information with you if they didn't think you were at risk.

LightYears · 06/05/2017 09:55

OP, does your partner go out to work?

SparklyMagpie · 06/05/2017 09:55

Your daughter is struggling as it is, why cause more by staying with this scum bag and leaving her with him?

Think of your daughter, poor girl

He hasn't been honest with you regarding his time, that's alarming in itself

RestlessTravellerTheSequel · 06/05/2017 09:55

Ok op take a deep breath. We're the 'domestics' with you or a previous partner?

YolandasFridge · 06/05/2017 09:56

This thread is really worrying me
The OP doesn't like what she's hearing so now doesn't want to know
I feel sick for her daughter

TattyCat · 06/05/2017 09:56

Sadly, I don't think the Op will listen.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 06/05/2017 09:56

She's gone, she's not listening.
I work in secondary school. The ewo wouldn't turn up for one instance for absence, this would usually be a long way down the line of absence, after meetings, letters phone calls with school. I have heard of police going with, but only to protect ewo from the family or child. So the reason the police have turned up is because someone could potentially be in danger.
Whatever sentence this man has served, the police purposely came to see the op to specifically tell her about CL. They haven't the resources to do that just in case.

Lostmyemailaddress · 06/05/2017 09:56

Morgan please listen to what the police have to say. I made an application to the police under Claire's law about 6 years ago to have someone checked out.
A support worker told me I could and explained what they were looking into. I was in a dv situation about 10 years ago now. It was explained it would only flag up what was on record but nothing that was reported.
After 3 weeks of not hearing anything my support worker contacted the police on my behalf to be told they had no concerns about the person and that was why they hadn't been in contact.
For the police to come to you quoting Claire's law there is clear concerns. This isn't something they will take lightly at all.

RitaMills · 06/05/2017 09:57

I take it it was your partner who filled you in on his past? Did you at least listen to what the police had to say? Are you really just going to accept his version and not confirm for the safety of you and your daughter and for peace of mind?

thatdearoctopus · 06/05/2017 09:57

You say he's a "new" partner; how new? And where did you meet?

Trollspoopglitter · 06/05/2017 09:57

Let me guess, the police are always harassing him and he can't ever get a break, can he? Is the world usually against him? Is it just you and him babe against the world speech? Does it make you feel strong and special? Does he make you feel you've seen him for what he really is and others don't really know him/understand him but are always judging him? Because everyone deserves a second chance?

Your daughter first. Always. Not his bullshit.

GinIsIn · 06/05/2017 09:58

OP your previous threads on here suggest you were still single as recently as late February. So you are allowing a man you have known for maximum 9 weeks who you know has a history of violence and criminal behaviour to be alone with your vulnerable teenaged DD - what are you doing?!?!

Elendon · 06/05/2017 09:58

he was her new DP in July 2016 and she was glad that he wasn't a scumbag like other men

He obviously did charming. He knows the score exactly and presented himself as being different. But he isn't. He's obviously a danger. Please listen to the police on this matter. They have shown care and consideration.

eddielizzard · 06/05/2017 09:58

this is bullshit.

something's wrong with your partner. time to put your dd first and get to the bottom of it all. your story doesn't add up.