Police Harassment

[Morgani97]

Desperate for some advice police,Long backstory to this. My 13 yro dd has been bullied at school for over a year,reported this to the school almost on a weekly basis yet nothing had been done. Cut a long story short dd began self harming last summer,her attitude was vile which i totally understand. However ive met a new partner who is lovely very patient and tolerant and gets on well with dd, She asked him to come along to parents evening which he did.After this there was an incident at school which resulted in dd being sent to isolation. The following day i decided to keep dd off school as she was upset about the day before. I rang the school twice and informed them she wasnt coming in and arranged a meeting for the following monday. I then went to a course i was enrolled in. I got a call from my partner telling me a teacher from the school along with a police officer and a cpso and had taken my daughter back to school. When i got home my partner informed me he had been questioned (not under caution) the police officer was offensive in his manner of questioning. I went to the school and picked my dd up she was extremely upset as she had heard everything that had been said. I put a complaint in to the school as was unsure why she had been taken back to school.Then yesterday the same police officer turned up at my home with two women who wanted to read out claires law to me ( i know all about my partners past and have no concerns) The day before a letter was delivered by hand to the school to the chairman of govenors which seems a bit of a coincidence .Again the people that turned up at our home were offensive and were asked to leave 7 times what the hell can i do w are all so upset about this which has stemmed from bullying. I should add that the bullying has been done by ten asian youths not that the creed or colour matters but obviously the school picked up on this .Sorry for the long post i just wanted to get all points across.

www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk

I was going to post what Hoopla just did, really hope your getting plenty of RL support OP

I have some professional experience of this type of disclosure process - not always DV issues.

What I can say, is that when decisions are being made on what, if any, information to disclose, there is a structured assessment made on the accuracy of the information, its relevance, and the risk of either disclosure or non-disclosure.

The information will be assessed regardless of whether it led to a conviction or not. Was it the police who mentioned 2 DV incidents? Because if so, I can be pretty sure that these will have been serious incidents with very strong evidence to support them. That they will already have been in possession of the information is unusual, and would suggest that an urgent assessment had been made.

If you can get onto the Freedom programme, it'll help you understand how this situation has come about & offer you support to gain insight to move forward. Women's Aid can advise you about local programmes. If this is hard to do for yourself, then do it for your DD.

She isn't a candidate for the freedom programme. She isn't in a DV relationship. She's absolutely fine and happy with his history of violence to others.

Was hoping the OP had updated (although to be fair I imagine she won't if the majority of people on the thread are correct )

I know of a recent case friends relative, whom I don't know personally but I have no doubts about authenticity where a violent partner was given 4 months for headbutting a police officer (police had been called by a passers-by by who bore witness to a very bad DV attack). Victim wouldn't press charges and all they could do him for was the assault on the officer. 4 months, what a fucking joke?? But is does makes me hugely doubtful that the OP's partner would have got 4 years for 'similar'

OP, I know you've gone to the police station, however minimising an assault on police is wrong-why that wouldn't be a definite goodbye, I don't know! Google your DP and see what that brings up-I doubt you'll like it.

@user1493022461 Anyone can do the Freedom Programme. It's not something you need to be accepted onto.

Brilliant and informative post @EnhancedDisclosure

OP, you need to learn to be alone. You don't need a cock so much that you take in a convicted criminal to live with your self-harming daughter just because you lack adult conversation. Your partner either got a conviction of 8 years for something really serious (given how overcrowded prisons are); or he got 4 years and could not even behave in prison. In either case he has been lying to you. Get rid. And learn to live without a dick.

Doesn't sound like he has been telling you the truth OP.

Just what every self harming bullied teen needs, a violent criminal joining the family who has a history of domestic abuse.
Some people make the most baffling choices.

Good luck OP, seem to have got a bit of a bashing from a few here but it's easy to be naive and trusting, especially if you/anyone you know hasn't been in a similar situation before, the main thing is you are doing something about it

Oh for god's sake, no one is denying that she has been manipulated by a lying abusive shit bag. No one is blaming her for that. No one is that stupid. The difference is, most people wouldn't be on here whining about how persecuted he is. They would be packing his bags.

What she is being called out on is moving a man, any man, into her house with her vulnerable daughter five minutes after she met him! It doesn't matter whether he is a serial killer or the village policeman, you don't do that. Children do not need a never ending parade of their mother's -casual shags- partners living in their house. Children deserve to feel safe and comfortable in their own home, especially children who are dealing with problems like the OPs daughter.

I don't think children should be the centre of anyone's world to the exclusion of anyone else, but they certainly need to know that they are your top priority.

What she is being called out on is moving a man, any man, into her house with her vulnerable daughter five minutes after she met him!
This ^^
(And the rest of what WomblingThree said above)

Disclosure under Claire's Law relates to domestic violence convictions. It is intended to alert new partners to the previous convictions, which are invariably down played by the offender. OP you need to take this seriously. There are 2 separate issues here- your daughters situation re the bullying and the potential danger your new partner may pose to both you and her. I can also categorically confirm that an offfnce of assaulting a police officer would not trigger s Claire's law disclosure of itself.

Can we please remember that abusers are often very manipulative and very loving, particularly in the early stages of a relationship. Op would not be the first or last woman to be manipulated by someone with a DV past. Not everyone is going to know straight away what Clare's law is and it's understandable that someone with that background could 'explain' themselves as being harassed. She has taken everyone's advice and is of to the police station so you can all stop shouting at her. Please consider there will be other people in DV situations reading this. We want them to be able to ask for advice , not called names or accused of 'only caring about dick' and other unnecessary insults.

Just read this from beginning to end. I hope you have the answers from the police x

I hope you and your daughter are ok op. Stay safe.

@Mollyboom I was under the impression that Clare's Law relates to incidents of abusive behaviour that may deem someone at risk of committing domestic violence. I don't think it's limited to domestic abuse - it encompasses all abusive incidents - is that not correct? It's certainly what the police led me to believe, and it's also how it is worded in online literature from police forces [particular reference to the GMP document I shared earlier]. They are looking for patterns of behaviour from an abuser that may pertain to someone being at risk of IPV from that person.

@rararaa Prefect post. I totally agree with you.

Hope you have some answers OP

@Mollyboom Found the answer, it does include all violent acts and not just incidents of domestic violence or abuse.

Here here @rararaa 👍🏼

Hope all is ok and you've got a better picture of things now.

It can include violent behaviour that would put a partner at risk, i.e. a very nasty GBH which shows a propensity to be volatile etc even if not committed against against a previous partner. In any event the police do not make these disclosures lightly and unless there was concern. A sentence of 4 years is not imposed for assault upon a pc ( statutory maximum for that is 6 months). I don't think we need to derail here simply to reiterate that the OP needs to take this seriously and listen to the police.

Clare's law is to do with the domestic violence disclosure scheme. Google it. The police are seriously concerned about your DD. There is more to this.

Hmmm, reading OP's first post she states that DD asked for new partner to go to parent's evening with her. That teacher (& police) found her at home away from school with someone who is not a known adult to the school. So it would be reasonable to question who the adult is, & a make an standard background check. The urgency of response is very telling. There is much to untangle about this.

That OP has gone to see the police within a few hours is a considerable step forward.

I hope that any other MNetters who are in similar situations, now & in the future, find this post helpful.