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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decline this very kind offer

176 replies

TeamB1 · 06/05/2017 08:28

I work for an educational charity and we have our training tomorrow. As I drive, they asked if I wouldn't mind car sharing with another staff member as there are no practical train routes at the right time. I agreed and it's all set.
It's 115 miles each way.
I regularly drive on a roads for work but this will be my first long distance motorway drive and I'll have to come there and back in a day.

I'm not thrilled at the prospect but certain that with lots of sensible breaks, I'll be fine.

DH is worried about it as I am quite an inexperienced driver. He has offered to drive us there and back. Its very kind but I have declined. I feel a bit babied.

He really does mean it and says he can explore the town and take his computer and do some work.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 06/05/2017 08:31

YANBU. This is a great opportunity to stretch your driving wings. You won't look back after this.

Sweet of DH to offer though!

pleaseholdyourcallisimportant · 06/05/2017 08:31

Its the kind of offer I would make quite happily - and almost look forward to - a new place I could explore, some time on my own. But, it is also an offer I would struggle to accept because I hate putting people out.
So I am sitting on the fence!
Oh you know what, let him!

MyOtherNameIsTaken · 06/05/2017 08:31

You've got a driving licence so you can drive. You're perfectly willing to drive so he's creating a problem where there isn't one.

The only way you gain experience is by doing it! Smile

mmgirish · 06/05/2017 08:32

That's kind but I'm sure you will be fine. It's good to do something new and challenging!

PurpleWithRed · 06/05/2017 08:34

Is the training day going to be tiring or a nice gentle day? If you think you're going to be knackered and driving back in the dark maybe take DH with you, you drive there, he drives home again?

alonsypot · 06/05/2017 08:35

On the other hand ...Can the other person drive?

It is completely shattering driving long motorway distances the first few times, especially if you're the only driver and having to concentrate hard while trying to chat to someone who doesn't know the rules of the road.

If you find yourself at the end of the day half asleep then it IS dangerous.

So personally I'd consider it in your shoes.

Kittykatclaws · 06/05/2017 08:36

You could get used to it and end up not wanting to drive if he does it for you!

Decline and be brave!

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 06/05/2017 08:38

I would take the offer at least so there is someone else that can drive with you.
Driving that distance is tiring. Probably even more so if you haven't done that sort of driving before

elodie2000 · 06/05/2017 08:39

115 miles at ave. speed 40mph = Just under 3 hrs...
On motorway & road ave 60mph = 2hrs.
If you're not used to driving further than the local shop, I can understand. You'll be fine though OP. I don't think I'd let my DH drive. It does come across as a bit Hmm.

NearlyEaster · 06/05/2017 08:39

For 115 miles as a passenger I wouldn't expect any breaks so they might find the delay frustrating.

I always get a terrible headache after a training course so although I'd be happy to drive the distance (and often do - think motorways are easier than A roads) if I had the option I'd let DH help.

Kerberos · 06/05/2017 08:41

Honestly I wouldn't even think about it. Leave yourself plenty of time and just do it. The only way you get used to things is to do them.

Original poster
TeamB1 · 06/05/2017 08:42

Thanks for responses. To answer some questions:

  • other person can't drive or swap out
  • I will definitely be taking breaks I don't care if it comes across as overkill to other passenger.
  • good maps says 2h 20 mins
OP posts:
TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 06/05/2017 08:44

Personally because this is business not pleasure I'd let him drive you may well be too tired to drive back and it's better than taking frequent breaks that will turn a 2h20 min journey into a 4 hour journey

glueandstick · 06/05/2017 08:44

I'd def need a wee/coffee with a two hour drive. But then again I find service stations fascinating.

PaperdollCartoon · 06/05/2017 08:45

Less than 3 hours is not a really long drive. Maybe one loo break (because I always need a wee) but I can't imagine any more is necessary. It's a kind offer but you'll be fine!

Boulshired · 06/05/2017 08:45

After first passing I would of preferred to do this journey alone if the first time. I would have declined the offer if it was just me but took him up if I had a passenger.

jamaicanbobsledder · 06/05/2017 08:47

I'd let him drive. Fine if you're on a social trip needing to take your time but for a training course day with a car sharing colleague and anxious about it then why make it harder for yourself?

I agree with your DH - I'd happily drive my DP and mooch about somewhere else or sit in a cafe and work for a day.

Gizlotsmum · 06/05/2017 08:49

Could he come with, you drive but he can take over if it gets too much/ you have a headache. 2 and a bit hours isn't too bad but a short break wouldn't be an issue either

Floggingmolly · 06/05/2017 08:50

I'd snatch his hand off, personally, but then I hate driving.

PovertyJetset · 06/05/2017 08:51

Plenty of breaks?? You'll need one, max!

Don't be a wetty, it's 2 hours, you'll be fine.

Trollspoopglitter · 06/05/2017 08:52

If I were you, I'd drive up with your DH a but do the driving. That way you get the practice and the two passengers can chat, leaving you to focus on the driving.

On the way back, you'll be tired after a long day, so I'd ask DH to drive you back.

Also consider the passenger- I get very anxious around new drivers who are nervous. I feel l have to "drive" along with them scanning the road from potential hazards, etc. It's exhausting and wouldn't want to be doing that before or after a long day of training/seminars.

RandomMess · 06/05/2017 08:52

Hmm I drive on motorways a lot and regularly to return day trips with that sort of length.

However, I'd take him up on the offer - it is tiring and stressful and you are unlikely to arrive feeling bright and refreshed for a training course!

I also wouldn't want a passenger with me on my first trip!!!

Donthate · 06/05/2017 08:52

One stop would be ok. Any more would be ridiculous. If you are planning for than one stop let you DH drive.

ToastyFingers · 06/05/2017 08:52

I would find it quite awkward if I was expecting to lift share with a colleague of sorts, and then her husband who I'd never met was there.

Also, it means the other person will have to sit in the back and not really be able to join in with conversation or sit next to your husband.

user1492958275 · 06/05/2017 08:52

How long will you be at training for?

It's not really a long drive but could be to an inexperience driver.

Your OH sounds lovely. If he wants to explore and your colleague doesn't mind could he just not come with you and use the car whilst your training? You can still drive but have back up there if needed.

Will you be likely to hit traffic?

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