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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decline this very kind offer

176 replies

TeamB1 · 06/05/2017 08:28

I work for an educational charity and we have our training tomorrow. As I drive, they asked if I wouldn't mind car sharing with another staff member as there are no practical train routes at the right time. I agreed and it's all set.
It's 115 miles each way.
I regularly drive on a roads for work but this will be my first long distance motorway drive and I'll have to come there and back in a day.

I'm not thrilled at the prospect but certain that with lots of sensible breaks, I'll be fine.

DH is worried about it as I am quite an inexperienced driver. He has offered to drive us there and back. Its very kind but I have declined. I feel a bit babied.

He really does mean it and says he can explore the town and take his computer and do some work.
AIBU?

OP posts:
ragged · 06/05/2017 09:23

You can do this. You don't need anyone else to drive you.
Your DH can have a lovely hot meal on the table for when you get back.

Chloe84 · 06/05/2017 09:23

thatdearoctopus i imagine OP will claim petrol and wear and tear for her vehicle, so there would be no need for colleague to contribute.

HotelEuphoria · 06/05/2017 09:25

I did this many years ago when I was a not so experienced driver but I only drove one way and there were four of us in the car. It wasn't so bad but I was glad when we got there, and after a whole day training I was glad it wasn't me driving home and I was a bit tired and had a pounding headache.

I personally would rather do it alone than with someone else.

barefoofdoctor · 06/05/2017 09:25

I'd take (lovely sounding) DH with me, drive there myself for the experience then let him drive home when you're tired?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 06/05/2017 09:26

LadyPW

You'd cancel the colleague? The one who us relying on you to get them to a training course tomorrow?

Jesus wept, really? What a fuck muppet thing to do. The OP agreed to drive the colleague, it's far too late to back out now other than through serious illness or something.

MrsTeller · 06/05/2017 09:27

Make sure you claim for passenger mileage, it's usually only a few pence more per mile, but worth claiming.

C8H10N4O2 · 06/05/2017 09:28

115 miles on UK motorway on a Sunday morning will not be a big deal, I echo the doing it in one stretch if you can. Its probably as good a time as any to do your first motorway trek.

If its then a full day and you are driving backtoward SE it will be a lot busier approaching the metropolis so allow more time, stop if you want to.

If you are not used to long drives with a day in between it can be very tiring. If its in an interesting location for DH and you are nervous perhaps you drive there, take DH and he drives back?

Also check your insurance. I'm insured to drive on business, my DH isn't. Driving on business with other staff in the car should also be explicit in the insurance.

Seeingadistance · 06/05/2017 09:31

I appreciate that you are determined to do something that you haven't done before, and it is something that you do need to do sooner or later, but to be very honest, I wouldn't fancy being your passenger.

Your husband has made a kind and thoughtful offer, and I think you should take him up on it this time.

Practice motorway driving, longer distances on your own, not on a work trip with a colleague.

alonsypot · 06/05/2017 09:34

To everyone saying it's not a long drive - it is if you're not used to motorways! It really is. Plus small talk plus training.

Honestly, no "big girl pants" required, and I'd be saying this if your partner was female too, a co-driver would be best on a day like that.

But yes to the 6 hours travelling for training on a Sunday malarkey Confused what could be so urgent that that's necessary? Ridiculous idea all around.

jamaicanbobsledder · 06/05/2017 09:38

LadyPW cancel the colleague?! Shock

Car sharing to training events is common in my company - person driving claims mileage plus passenger. This is pretty standard. If you don't want to drive then you become the passenger, simples! Sometimes I like to drive on my own so I don't take the passenger but can't claim the mileage but still not a big deal as can travel on my own schedule.

GrimmDays · 06/05/2017 09:39

Having to drive 2 1/2 hours each way for a one day course is a very big ask imo. I would take my DH personally and do as a pp suggested. Drive as far as I felt comfortable then get him to do the rest. For an all day course it's going to be a very early start and late finish. You may not be safe to drive by the time you've done 2 1/2 hours driving plus a course. I hope they are paying you well for it!

LadyPW · 06/05/2017 09:41

*You'd cancel the colleague? The one who us relying on you to get them to a training course tomorrow?

Jesus wept, really? What a fuck muppet thing to do. The OP agreed to drive the colleague, it's far too late to back out now other than through serious illness or something.*

In an ideal world Annie yes I'd want to because it would make it manageable for me. I didn't say it was a nice thing to do, or ideal. It was just an alternative suggestion. But I'm sorry if it bothers you - I'll try to remember to run my thoughts past you first in future Hmm

IheartDodo · 06/05/2017 09:41

Have you been on a motorway before?
It sounds like you're being a bit pathetic sorry!
Take dh with you for the way back if you think you'll be tired, but you'll probably be fine.
Also "lots of breaks" will probably be quite tiring as it'll make the journey longer. I'd take one tops.
The day after my driving test my mum made me drive to Heathrow (round m25) in rush hour alone to pick up my gran. Scary but after that nothing else was!

sonjadog · 06/05/2017 09:43

I think you should do it yourself. I agree that he is babying you by offering to take you there. Take a couple of breaks if you feel like it, but tbh, I think you´ll find that you don´t need as many as you think. Motorway driving is not some kind of special difficult skill, btw. You get on to motorway, and then to sit on it until you exit. I find it a great deal easier than driving in urban areas.

milkysmum · 06/05/2017 09:44

I would be driving down the evening before and staying over in a cheap travel lodge or something near the training event. You need one very quick loo stop max not plenty I would say also.

milkysmum · 06/05/2017 09:44

I would be driving down the evening before and staying over in a cheap travel lodge or something near the training event. You need one very quick loo stop max not plenty I would say also.

SweetLuck · 06/05/2017 09:44

Don't let him baby you.

jamaicanbobsledder · 06/05/2017 09:45

LadyPW I think the point is that if you were suggesting leaving the colleague so OP was fine on her own then that's different to your suggestion of leaving the colleague and taking the DH as well!

PaintingByNumbers · 06/05/2017 09:45

take the additional driver and share the driving
it will be hard work doing your first long journey with a passenger as well. planning lots of breaks is going to make it worse (plus more joining motorway moments)
I wouldnt get a car allowance without proof I was insured for business, not just commuting

TatianaLarina · 06/05/2017 09:46

How much motorway driving have you done?

TBH I'd rather not make a trip with an inexperienced driver who's never driven a long motorway trip before.

It's a bigger deal than posters here are making out. And I think you would be much better off doing your first long motorway run with your husband, without a training day and a stranger to factor in.

If you find it stressful and/or exhausting, there's no-one to help you or to drive instead of you.

Your husband knows your driving better than anyone here, and if he's concerned he may have reason to be. I would take him up on his very kind offer. Your colleague doesn't have to know the real reason he's coming along.

SweetLuck · 06/05/2017 09:47

I'll try to remember to run my thoughts past you first in future it's an open forum. If you say something that stands out as a twattish thing to do then someone's bound to mention it.

ChocChocPorridge · 06/05/2017 09:49

The day after my driving test my mum made me drive to Heathrow (round m25) in rush hour alone to pick up my gran. Scary but after that nothing else was!

The afternoon she passed her test, my mum drove me around the M25 to stay with my grandparents for half term - in a minibus! She would agree, once you've had that trial by fire, you can do anything :)

To me, that's not a big drive you have ahead of you, and I'd probably do it in one shot with no breaks and no problem, but to DP (who is also a perfectly competent driver, but dyspraxic) that would be exhausting. I have driven him to Manchester from London and back in one day before (with a baby in the back!) because he would have truly found it too much, and he had to present when he got there. It's no problem, he's not being lazy, he just finds this hard and I don't.

If you're confident you can do it, then decline and have the practise. If there's some reason you think it's going to be a physical issue rather than a mental hump to get over, accept the help and move on.

Meekonsandwich · 06/05/2017 09:53

Why don't you take him and he drives there and you drive back? (So you can take a break if you want and there's not so much Time pressure) or visa versa if you think you'll be tried

It's really good practice though,
My first long motorway drive I went to Birmingham and I got completely stuck going round Birmingham city centre because there were road works and diversions, but I have very little common sense and I got out on my own and did the drive with minimal problems :) very glad I did boosted my confidence

Zarah123 · 06/05/2017 09:53

In an ideal world Annie yes I'd want to because it would make it manageable for me. I didn't say it was a nice thing to do, or ideal. It was just an alternative suggestion. But I'm sorry if it bothers you - I'll try to remember to run my thoughts past you first in future

LadyPW

You can't make dickish suggestions and expect people not to call you out on them.

And it did sound like that's a normal thing for you do, and not something you would do 'in an ideal world'. You backtracked.

user1493035447 · 06/05/2017 09:54

If google says 2:40, you'll be there in under 1 and a half. It's not that far!