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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decline this very kind offer

176 replies

TeamB1 · 06/05/2017 08:28

I work for an educational charity and we have our training tomorrow. As I drive, they asked if I wouldn't mind car sharing with another staff member as there are no practical train routes at the right time. I agreed and it's all set.
It's 115 miles each way.
I regularly drive on a roads for work but this will be my first long distance motorway drive and I'll have to come there and back in a day.

I'm not thrilled at the prospect but certain that with lots of sensible breaks, I'll be fine.

DH is worried about it as I am quite an inexperienced driver. He has offered to drive us there and back. Its very kind but I have declined. I feel a bit babied.

He really does mean it and says he can explore the town and take his computer and do some work.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 06/05/2017 08:54

Do you not drive very far really? Two hours isn't normally considered something long distance or something uou normally need lots of breaks for. Just stop if you feel tired and take it slow and steady.

scottishdiem · 06/05/2017 08:54

Lots of sensible breaks?????

That's such a short trip that any number of breaks will mean soon it becomes a break broken up by some driving.

Have you told passenger that it's now 3hrs or more each way? As well as training, that's a very long day. I'd consider the offer of DH to drive and then you get some longer drives under your belt.

Blimey01 · 06/05/2017 08:56

I would bite the bullet and drive op. You need to build confidence.

SorrelSoup · 06/05/2017 08:56

I'd take the lift! BUT would get some advanced driving lessons and/or work on your experience as a priority. There are other opportunities other than rush hours and the pressure of a works training course.

WilburIsSomePig · 06/05/2017 08:58

You'll be fine, it's just over 2 hours.

I don't mind driving and wouldn't find this a massively long drive. However, if you do, then stop as much as you like, if that makes you feel more comfortable. Did your DH offer to drive because you yourself seem to feel it's a tricky journey? It is a kind offer from him, but I think you need to put your big girl pants on and make the journey yourself, I think you're right to refuse.

I am of the opinion that you can either drive or you can't and you should be able to drive anywhere, or not at all.

tammytheterminator · 06/05/2017 08:58

Drive for an hour, have a break, drive for another hour.

If you adopt the mindset that it will be fine, it will be.

tigerdriverII · 06/05/2017 08:58

I think you're setting yourself up for it to be more difficult than need be.

I'd say no break on the way there: you'll have to start so much earlier and it'll be frustrating. You'll be fresh in the morning, less so in the afternoon. Schedule a break on the way back after one and a half hours, roughly. Work out where the services will be. Allow 20 mins for a wee and coffee. Buy some sweets that the passenger and you can share, the constant low level sugar buzz will keep you alert.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 06/05/2017 08:59

I wouldn't want lots of breaks in a 2 hour drive.
If your DH really means it, but you also want to increase your driving experience, why not let him come as co-driver.
You drive first bit for as long as you feel comfortable until you need a break (and a wee) then he drives the rest.
Same coming back.
More than one break in a 2 hour journey is just prolonging what will already be quite a long day.

Your DH sounds lovely

BrieAndChilli · 06/05/2017 09:00

Couple of months after passing my test (in my 30s) I had to drive 2 hours on the motorway to visit my sister, with my 3 kids in the car. I was terrified but I did it
With things like this you just have to bite the bullet

thatdearoctopus · 06/05/2017 09:02

So, by "car-sharing," they mean can you give someone else a lift in your car and do all the driving? What's their part of the bargain? Are they going to chip in for petrol?

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 06/05/2017 09:02

2 hours isn't a long drive when you're used to it but if you're not and you don't have much motorway experience you might find it tiring. If you feel you may need more than one break it may be best to let your dh drive or come with you so he can drive back if you're tired.
I love driving and often drive long distances but there are times I like dh doing the driving for many reasons.

bbcessex · 06/05/2017 09:04

You'll be fine.
Do it yourself.. you can plan breaks but likely won't need them as you get into the swing of things.

Do it.. this is how you become more accomplished

MrsHoneyMummy · 06/05/2017 09:04

I agree with the person who suggested that you drive there with your DH in the back as a passenger and then let him drive you home when you will be tired after both the early morning drive and the day's training.
I think it's lovely of your DH to suggest it..... if he won't mind "losing" the day it's a good solution. You get to extend your driving experience but don't have the additonal stress of driving home exhausted.

chocoshopoholic · 06/05/2017 09:06

I drive a lot for work and have insurance to drive on my employers business, I know my DP doesn't. Would he be insured to take your work colleague and would your organisation be able to pay your mileage claim if it wasn't you driving?

thatdearoctopus · 06/05/2017 09:07

I've driven for hundreds of thousands of miles over 37+ years and I enjoy doing it. However, I would still probably stop for a quick coffee or something on a drive over 2 hours. That's not the OP being a new/nervous driver, but sensible.

Boulshired · 06/05/2017 09:07

My first motorway drive was three hours and I planned two stops but once on there I just kept on driving planning on stopping at the next service then the next and so on. The same with planning on staying in the slow lane within 20 mins I was changing quite happily between the two lanes. I had worked it up in my own head.

SoulAccount · 06/05/2017 09:09

Very kind of your DH to offer, but I think you'll be fine.

You have actually driven on a motorway before, haven't you? If not I would consider taking up the offer. I did find it helpful to have someone who was supportive and experienced in the passenger seat the first time I went on a motorway. But only til I realised it was easier!

Don't believe google maps timings, especially if you have to drive through urban areas with traffic.

I think this is quite a big ask of your employer: I wouldn't book training on a day trip with 6 hours driving on a route not accessible by train, (which would be slow and unreliable on a Sunday anyway). What if none of you drove?

LadyintheRadiator · 06/05/2017 09:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

neonrainbow · 06/05/2017 09:12

The way he's carrying on will make you feel like there's something to be worried about. There isn't. You'll need one break max. Keep calm, don't get flustered with road signs and stuff and you'll be just dandy!

HaggisMuncher · 06/05/2017 09:13

Over 200 miles in a day plus concentrating at a training course all day is an awful lot, even if it wasn't your first long motorway drive. I would take your husband up on his kind offer, and use it as a chance to gain some experience in motorway driving with the support of a second driver. You'll be no good to anyway frazzled and knackered or squished x

londonrach · 06/05/2017 09:14

Id take the extra driver. Its a long way and having lost someone who died driving whilst tried please dont drive tried. You need to stop regularly too. Can you make it into a mini break with husband. (Ignores the fact work colleague is coming too)

MissBax · 06/05/2017 09:18

If he would genuinely like a day out to explore maybe he could drive one way and you back?

LadyPW · 06/05/2017 09:19

I'd cancel the colleague, take the DH, drive the first part (maybe all the way there) for experience, and let DH drive back when you might be knackered from the course. Motorways are knackering when you're not used to them.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 06/05/2017 09:20

Given you are so nervous (no one needs lots of breaks on a hundred mile journey) & are taking a passenger (which will make you more self conscious) then I think you should let your DH drive you. I don't think it's fair to other road users for you to do this tomorrow, nor will you concentrate properly on the training whilst thinking about driving back.

You can tell the person you are giving a lift to that DH needed to go up too (visit friends/family/ whatever) if you are embarrassed.

Then, arrange a day with DH for you to drive a long distance (maybe even a weekend away & drive in a different location too) to get some confidence before being in a position where you are with someone who cannot take over.

Yes, you got your licence in order to drive, but this doesn't mean it's ok to put yourself & others in danger by doing something you are not confident enough to do.

thatdearoctopus · 06/05/2017 09:22

So, is this "car-share colleague" contributing towards the petrol?