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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decline this very kind offer

176 replies

TeamB1 · 06/05/2017 08:28

I work for an educational charity and we have our training tomorrow. As I drive, they asked if I wouldn't mind car sharing with another staff member as there are no practical train routes at the right time. I agreed and it's all set.
It's 115 miles each way.
I regularly drive on a roads for work but this will be my first long distance motorway drive and I'll have to come there and back in a day.

I'm not thrilled at the prospect but certain that with lots of sensible breaks, I'll be fine.

DH is worried about it as I am quite an inexperienced driver. He has offered to drive us there and back. Its very kind but I have declined. I feel a bit babied.

He really does mean it and says he can explore the town and take his computer and do some work.
AIBU?

OP posts:
MuncheysMummy · 06/05/2017 10:42

Oh and just remembered I have towed a huge caravan with our BMW X5 (so big car too) around the M25 to down to Kent also from the Fylde Coast high was a 5 hour drive also non stop

HHHappyH0rse · 06/05/2017 10:50

115 miles in a car should be no problem at all !

If you were on a motorbike you would need a stop !

You can drive, so I do not see a problem

Take sat nav or sat nav on your phone and write down on paper the directions as well

Ensure you have the phone number for AA or RAC or whatever breakdown company you subscribe to

BlackStars · 06/05/2017 10:51

I used to commute further than this daily. Just make sure you have snacks drinks and anything you need to be comfortable in the car to hand and crack on (most people don't need a loo stop in 2 hours).

user1493022461 · 06/05/2017 10:52

If you can't drive on a motorway or in a place you are not used to, you shouldn't be driving at all. Nervous drivers are dangerous.

TwoDaysLater · 06/05/2017 10:52

Of course you could do it and I'm sure you would be absolutely fine.....but I'd let him drive. Why not? He doesn't mind at all and a 115 mile drive is nothing if you are used to it.

I wouldn't care at all about people thinking you are being babied. Who cares? Your passengers can't even drive Confused

You can then practice you pr motorway driving another time in your own town.

I am a very confident driver and am always suprised how tiring I find long drives. I'm not stressed at all when I drive so I don't understand why 🤷🏻‍♀️

BobbinThreadbare123 · 06/05/2017 10:53

Anyone who is that nervous makes me feel uncomfortable; I don't think people who are frightened should be on the roads. I do a large A road every day for work and some of it is single carriageway. The number of people who creep along at 40mph and brake suddenly for any bend, no matter how gentle, is very irritating. I am so glad they're putting motorway use in the standard driving test/lessons. 115 miles is a short whizz down the motorway and it would take me less than 2 hours, especially on a Sunday. The motorway is the best driving experience because it's well signposted, wide, open and generally curves or bends are minimal. The second I passed my test I got on the M6 and drove down to see my mum, just to break the back of it.

SnapJack68 · 06/05/2017 10:56

user1493022461 if nervous drivers shouldn't be driving in a place theyre not used to or motorways ...... how the heck will they ever get more experienced and therefore more confident and less nervous about it!!!

Crazy

GabsAlot · 06/05/2017 10:59

i drove on a motorway the same week i passed my test made myself do it now theyr my favourite roads

dont think about it too much try and get some practise in today

u dont need loads of breaks one will do i only have one break for double that mileage

i heard they want to bring motorway driving into tests i do agree as people just dont want to do it alone for the first time

GabsAlot · 06/05/2017 11:02

forgot to say i know someone who has been driving for 20 years an refuses to go on motorways or similar a roads

i mean whats the point?

notanevilstepmother · 06/05/2017 11:06

I think you will be fine, it's sweet your husband offered, but you won't gain in confidence if he always drives you.

It's a weekend so there will be less traffic and you can stop as many times as you want.

Go for it. You can do it. I think it's nice you will have company, takes your mind off worrying.

notanevilstepmother · 06/05/2017 11:07

Actually motorways are easier than A roads, and safer too.

sonjadog · 06/05/2017 11:07

Is this a new thing? This fear of motorways? When I learnt to drive, we just got on and drove on them. Passing the test meant being able to drive on roads on your own.

Vroomster · 06/05/2017 11:09

Lots of breaks for a 2 hour journey? I'd maybe stop once half way but otherwise you'll turn a 2 hour trip into a 4 hour one.

LadySalmakia · 06/05/2017 11:19

I think you can do it but don't take lots of breaks - take one in the middle for 15 minutes. I'm not terribly experienced either but the only way to get experience is to just do it. Too many breaks will leave you more tired.

One thing though - are you definitely insured for this? My insurance won't let me go on work trips at all and I know people who can drive for work but can't take passengers. I would ring them to check.

silkpyjamasallday · 06/05/2017 11:23

Well maybe your DP should drive there and you do the journey back? Or just have DP there to take over if you find it too stressful. If he has offered I would take him up on it to be honest, but I hated driving and haven't yet taken my test and don't plan to much prefer being chauffeured!

eurochick · 06/05/2017 11:24

You're a qualified driver. Don't let him baby you. After I passed my test I was driving to and from university, 150mile journey on busy motorways (m1 and m25). I think you just need to crack on and do these things or you will find yourself in 20 years taking 20 mile detours to avoid roads you don't like.

Onthehighseas · 06/05/2017 11:31

Am sure you will be fine on the motorway. The journey you are undertaking is pretty short in motorway terms, and my guess is that you'll probably get into a kind of 'rhythm' of motorway driving after a few miles. Getting off and filtering back on several times will probably make it much more stressful than it needs to be. If you need the loo, obviously thats different, but breaking the journey otherwise will probably turn out to be unnecessary.

VelvetSparkles · 06/05/2017 11:33

Im a late starter. I passed my test at 30 because the national job I wanted came with a company car - I actually got the job offer the Friday before I took my test on the Wednesday (no pressure there at all). My first drive in the new company car was a quick spin up the motorway with my partner and the next day a five hour trip to a Scottish city. I was TERRIFIED, but now commute further than 100 miles each way, every day. More than ten years on, I am a confident driver but I still dont like driving other people (family/friends are ok) at all. If the passenger makes you nervous I would see if you can speak to someone and explain... or take DH up on his offer but take the time to do some longer journeys alone for confidence. Unexpected traffic, possible delays, diversions unfamiliar roads, company, inexperience.... I would avoid it if you can, it could dent future confidence.

TatianaLarina · 06/05/2017 11:35

if nervous drivers shouldn't be driving in a place theyre not used to or motorways ...... how the heck will they ever get more experienced and therefore more confident and less nervous about it!!

By practicing motorway driving before they drive to a conference with a colleague.

Inexperienced drivers cause far more accidents than more experienced ones. I wouldn't want to be driven by someone who is clearly nervous and contemplating lots of stops to compensate.

I heard they want to bring motorway driving into tests i do agree as people just dont want to do it alone for the first time

Which the OP would be as the colleague can't drive.

I had a lot of practise with my dad driving on motorways and it made a big difference. I drove with a friend on a motorway who had just passed her test and she nearly had an accident.

TatianaLarina · 06/05/2017 11:40

I would avoid it if you can, it could dent future confidence.

That's a good point. If OP finds it stressful or something goes wrong it might put her off.

Another issue is weather - it's hard work driving in pelting rain on motorways when you can't see much in front of you even for experienced drivers.

user1493022461 · 06/05/2017 11:41

if nervous drivers shouldn't be driving in a place theyre not used to or motorways ...... how the heck will they ever get more experienced and therefore more confident and less nervous about it!!

Because they should have practised or had enough lessons that they aren't nervous before they took their tests. Or at least long before they arranged to bring passengers for work events.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 06/05/2017 11:47

Honestly! Everyone has to start somewhere... Don't let your husband be a drama llama...

It's Sunday motorway driving.. Easiest time...

Unless you have a medical problem, you'll need one break tops... And I wouldn't take a break on such a short journey unless we were substantially delayed by traffic.

Also to be honest, I wouldn't fancy being your passenger, I'm sure you are a nice person, as you do appear to be very nervous for a comparatively easy drive!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 06/05/2017 11:51

Don't avoid driving on the notion it will dent future confidence...

Phobias develop from strategies such as this

GoodyGoodyGumdrops · 06/05/2017 11:52

I lived in a major city and drove a lot, but wasn't used to motorway driving. I got a job that required a weekly visit to another site 35 miles away.

At first the motorway drive was exhausting. Often I struggled to concentrate when I arrived, because I was either drained or hyped. Driving back in the evenings was horrible.

It was several months before I could just take it in my stride.

You're considering a drive more than three times longer. I appreciate (and applaud) your independence, but think that sharing the drive with your lovely-sounding dh would be wise.

hmcAsWas · 06/05/2017 11:54

You absolutely shouldn't accept your dh's offer - its not such a huge insurmountable task....and tbh its a bit lame and dependent not to do it (sorry to be blunt)

Just allow plenty of time and take breaks when you need them - like you said.

If your dh wants to be a help, he can cook your a meal and ensure everything at home is done when you get back, because it is quite a lot of driving and you will feel tired at the end of the day.

You are certainly up to it. Enjoy your drive - at least you have company