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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decline this very kind offer

176 replies

TeamB1 · 06/05/2017 08:28

I work for an educational charity and we have our training tomorrow. As I drive, they asked if I wouldn't mind car sharing with another staff member as there are no practical train routes at the right time. I agreed and it's all set.
It's 115 miles each way.
I regularly drive on a roads for work but this will be my first long distance motorway drive and I'll have to come there and back in a day.

I'm not thrilled at the prospect but certain that with lots of sensible breaks, I'll be fine.

DH is worried about it as I am quite an inexperienced driver. He has offered to drive us there and back. Its very kind but I have declined. I feel a bit babied.

He really does mean it and says he can explore the town and take his computer and do some work.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 06/05/2017 11:56

You will be fine. Just stick to inside lane keep decent steady speed. Motorway driving is pure practise. I'm not a great distance driver as I get tired but I'm confident iykwim.

Birdsgottaf1y · 06/05/2017 11:59

I'd drive there, but take DH, so he can drive home if you are tired.

I get sleepy if i have to drive long distances. When we went on holidays, me and my then male DP took turns. He's a taxi driver but happily shared the driving, because it was safer.

SnapJack68 · 06/05/2017 12:01

tatiana and user I agree with that.. that's what I said in my previous post.

Get more familiar with it in less stressful conditions first. .. not with a unfamiliar passenger and to an important day where you defibitely need to be on time

I was disagreeing with the person who said they shouldn't drive at all on unfamiliar roads or motorways if nervous!

Need to keep doing it to get less nervous.. but with a pass plus person or just like I was less stressful conditions than op describes until more confident

People being dismissive and saying yeah just drive are a bit irresponsible I think. I wpuld NOT want to be this passenger haha

thatdearoctopus · 06/05/2017 12:06

The slip roads onto and off motorways are far longer and more gentle than those on by-passes or dual carriageways. And the roads themselves are generally smoother and wider and therefore easier - apart from the M1, which I had the misfortune to travel the length of last weekend! Pot-hole central!

carefreeeee · 06/05/2017 12:06

I'm sure you will be fine with the driving, but you will be tired. 4.5 hours driving in one day is a lot for anyone. Make sure you get a good night's sleep the night before.

My first couple of motorway drives, I was completely wired by the end. It didn't take long to get used to it, but I wouldn't want the first one to be 4.5 hours in a day!

For the future, share driving equally with your DH rather than letting him drive. I am doing this with my DP who's an inexperienced driver. I prefer to drive myself as I find him scary - but he is getting better and it's useful to have a break on long trips.

youarenotkiddingme · 06/05/2017 12:07

I love driving! I have had no choice but to do it all as I'm a LP and ds has family 3 hours away:

But if I had someone offer to drive or share the driving I'd absolutely take them up on the offer!

Delatron · 06/05/2017 12:08

Agree, OP needs to practice but this is not the occasion to risk it.
Motorway driving is really easy (and safe) once you get used to it. So practice another time.
Not when you have a colleague in the car and you'll be exhausted. At times like that you need experience.

TatianaLarina · 06/05/2017 12:12

Understood SnapJack.

Original poster
TeamB1 · 06/05/2017 12:18

I have done pass plus and have driven on the motorway before. Will just load up and coffee and take a break when I'm tired especially on the way back. It's the M1. Newcastle to Sheffield and back so will be heading north on the return leg

OP posts:
Original poster
TeamB1 · 06/05/2017 12:19

I've had my licence for 5 years but only started doing a roads and longer distances recently.

Training is 10-4 so it will be a long day.

OP posts:
Frillyhorseyknickers · 06/05/2017 12:21

Newcastle is not on the M1Hmm

SnapJack68 · 06/05/2017 12:23

Make sure passenger aware please.

They are putting their trust in you to drive them.. Important they are informed of fact you are a bt nervous

If I were them would then make the decision to not travel with you to be honest as I am a nervous passenger haha!

TheLuminaries · 06/05/2017 12:25

Don't let you DH infantalise you, that can be a slippery slope, this is a chance to step beyond your comfort zone, which is good for personal growth and self development. If you let DH 'take over', it will chip away at your confidence and self esteem.

C8H10N4O2 · 06/05/2017 12:25

TeamB1 Have you checked your insurance covers you for business use and carrying colleagues? Most policies don't unless you explicitly request it.

Original poster
TeamB1 · 06/05/2017 12:26

It has a long spell on the M1. I have checked the route

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 06/05/2017 12:27

teeam honestly putting it off makes it worse try and go out today to at least do some faster roads

TwoDaysLater · 06/05/2017 12:28

OMG. I don't want to worry you but sheffields roundabouts are awful. I just can't get used to them and regularly get cut up on them. I've been driving 30 odd years and they still give me the jeebies. 😂😂. I regularly drive in London so I don't think it's me being a wuss.

Also, if it's a Sheffield then I think you are mean not to let your DH drive you. It's a fab place to while away the day. 😎

Original poster
TeamB1 · 06/05/2017 12:30

Passenger knows and is fine with it.
Insurance is checked too.

OP posts:
TwoDaysLater · 06/05/2017 12:31

SEE, it's not just me that hates Sheffield driving even the BBC agree so it must be true.

Itsnotwhatitseems · 06/05/2017 12:34

My son does the reverse of this, he regularly travels 2-3 hour journeys for work, he gets bored so often takens me (a non-driver) or his GF (a nervous driver) with him to stop the boredom and as hes a smoker he takes regular breaks :) He loves driving but finds it boring and I have seen a lot of places as a result. Your DH will get some time in Sheffield to explore and its Sunday so he wants to spend some of it (even if only travelling time) with you,I would let him

onceandneveragain · 06/05/2017 12:39

I think you should just do it.

I can understand your nerves - in my first job I had to drive 220 miles for a meeting and drive 220 miles back in the same day. I had only passed my test a month ago, had never been on a motorway and was in a hire car. I really, really, really, did not want to do it to the extent I seriously considered phoning in sick.

I was with a colleague who offered to do most of the driving but it wouldn't have been fair, or safe, to make him do it all. In the end we ended up doing about half each - stopped after about two hours, went to loo, and swapped over and the same on the way back. And it was fine! I was so glad I'd done it. Honestly the two hours, particularly once we got on the motorway went so quickly, I honestly didn't even need a break between them.

While I can see the advantages of DH driving, honestly, if you don't do this now, when will you ever drive for a long period on your own? An opportunity/reason might come up not come up again in a few years and by then the fear will be double because you've put it off this time, so you've rationalised it to yourself as a justified fear.

Also, yes, a dry, clean Sunday in May is pretty much ideal driving conditions.

CountessYgritte · 06/05/2017 12:41

Take as many stops as you fucking want. Ignore the unpleasant comments on here. Some people just do not understand that not everyone loves driving and motorway driving is really tiring.

I would hate to have a passenger as a new driver or now but I am antisocial. Unless they were a laugh then it would be ok.

Drive yourself and if your passenger moans about stopping tell her to walk. I would stop on that journey and am experienced driver used to long distances.

Good luck

Original poster
TeamB1 · 06/05/2017 12:45

Thanks for all the positive comments and good wishes. I've decided to go for it. Now downloading some good podcasts for the journey

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 06/05/2017 12:49

" BobbinThreadbare123

Anyone who is that nervous makes me feel uncomfortable; I don't think people who are frightened should be on the roads"
Where have you picked up that the op is nervous and frightened?

llangennith · 06/05/2017 12:57

I enjoy driving but if you don't want to do the drive then don't. I don't think your DH is babying you or infantising you, I think he sounds a very kind man who would happily drive you there and enjoy pottering for the day.
Do what's best for you OP.