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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not make his sandwiches?

482 replies

DeleteOrDecay · 04/05/2017 18:40

Dp has been feeling rubbish at work lately. It's because instead of taking some proper food in he takes a couple of breakfast bars to see him through his shift but he is on his feet a lot so this obviously isn't substantial enough.

I suggested he should maybe make himself a sandwich or something to take with him. His response was that he can't be botheredHmm it takes five minutes to knock up a wrap or sandwich. He asked me if I could make them for him but I refused on the basis that he is more than capable of making his own sandwich for work and that I have enough on my plate with 2 young dc, the majority of the housework and cooking and my own myriad of MH issues.

I am a sahm, but I don't see why I should be expected to make him sandwiches when he has ample time either before or after work to make one himself. I'm his partner, not his mother. Aibu?

OP posts:
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Spectre8 · 04/05/2017 20:21

Well OP you have already made your mind up and told him so, so what is the point in continually moaning about it on here and bitching about your husband. Why do people do that anyway.. I never understand it they say such awful things and complain about them to random people or friends and colleagues. What kind of relationship is it where you talk badly about your other half to anyone who will listen.

Yes I know we all need to vent but I would do it on here and allow a bunch of randoms to then basically cuss my OH to death.

Spectre8 · 04/05/2017 20:22

I wouldn't*

bibbitybobbityyhat · 04/05/2017 20:22

I honestly think the people who think op should make his sandwiches should fuck the fuck off! I'm sorry, but it makes me SO ANGRY Angry.
I wish you just wouldn't post on Mumsnet, I don't want to be within 50ft of someone with an attitude like that!

PeaFaceMcgee · 04/05/2017 20:22

You've forgotten running him a bath, scrubbing his back, cutting his hair & toenails, and standing by the door to pass him his briefcase and nutritious packed lunch Grin

Benedikte2 · 04/05/2017 20:25

OP my DD made her own lunches from the age of 7 (obviously from supplied ingredients). Your DP is an adult and capable of meting his own personal needs and should do so.
The alternative is to make an extra serving when you cook supper and to sling it into a Tupperware container for his lunch next day.

NavyandWhite · 04/05/2017 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WellErrr · 04/05/2017 20:26
Grin
To not make his sandwiches?
notangelinajolie · 04/05/2017 20:27

I make the sandwiches. He does lots of other stuff that I hate doing so I reckon making sandwiches is a good deal.

Original poster
DeleteOrDecay · 04/05/2017 20:27

Spectre Sometimes it's helpful to hear others views (whether they agree with me or not). Isn't that kind of the point of mumsnet?

OP posts:
rararaa · 04/05/2017 20:28

I think some of the people talking about him "sitting on his arse" all morning are being mean. Didn't the OP say somewhere he works 1-9:30? I'd be shattered with that shift pattern with kids because I imagine he still wakes up at "normal" time but gets to bed late.

OP I would compromise here. Do you do the food shopping? I would just chuck a few things in like sausage rolls, pasties and pot noodles or whatever is an easy packup and tell him to take those. I always buy multipacks of soup and leave them at work for days when I haven't been bothered to make lunch.

Personally, I would be happy to make DP's lunch as long as somedays he also made his AND the childrens but I understand why you don't want to. You could also point out when your making the kids lunches that you've got all the food out already if he wants to make his sandwiches now.

I would also reply to any future complaints about being shattered at work with "well take some food with you next time". No patience for whining!

WellErrr · 04/05/2017 20:28

No Delete. You must not speak against the Man of the House.

ArcheryAnnie · 04/05/2017 20:30

If he's been feeling rubbish because he hasn't been eating properly, and yet he can't be bothered to take five minutes to feed himself something decent, then he's a ridiculous man-baby and YANBU to refuse to indulge him. He can make his own bloody sandwiches.

JustAKitten · 04/05/2017 20:30

Why are you making it a gender thing? Hmm

NavyandWhite · 04/05/2017 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConstantCraving · 04/05/2017 20:32

DH makes my lunches most of the time - he works PT and I work FT in a much more stressful job than he has. He also does nearly all the cooking, washing up and cleaning. He does this as he is at home more and has more spare time than me. I'd never ask him to though, not do I expect it - but I am very thankful for his help.

RedSuitcase · 04/05/2017 20:35

I agree with the PPs who have said just make the fucking sandwich.
You said yourself it would take 5 minutes.
You also said that it's the reason he's been feeling rubbish day in and out.
I'm sure he's more than capable of making his lunch in the same way that I'm sure that you're more than capable of going out and supporting the family financially.
I sense a lot of people's issue here is the gender thing, and thats got nothing to do with it - the partner who's "job" it is the run the household, is in an easier position to make lunches.

drivingmisspotty · 04/05/2017 20:35

Agree with you OP that he should be perfectly capable of finding 5mins to make his own. If it is not important enough to him to use his own time to do it then he is under valuing your time suggesting you should.

BUT you know him better than me. Is he just being a bit lazy meaning it is best you don't enable him. Or is there something else going on? He feels rubbish at work - just because of the lack of food? He 'can't be bothered' to do something quick to help himself - is he massively tired and struggling/depressed/physically unwell?

Original poster
DeleteOrDecay · 04/05/2017 20:35

Should I have refused? Just because he's capable of ironing them himself?

Surely that's different in the sense that he is genuinely pushed for time. My Dp isn't pushed for time, he just can't be bothered.

OP posts:
JustAKitten · 04/05/2017 20:36

Red Thank you!

Forwardsforwards · 04/05/2017 20:37

spectre I think its fairly obvious what kind of relationship might preclude effective mutually respectful communication; which I assume you mean in your post as a relationship standard...

I and plenty of others can tell you it isn't. Also that we hope you are joking.

NavyandWhite · 04/05/2017 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WellErrr · 04/05/2017 20:38

I'm sure he's more than capable of making his lunch in the same way that I'm sure that you're more than capable of going out and supporting the family financially

How nasty.
OP IS supporting the family financially. Apart from saving thousands in childcare, how on earth do you think her DH would be able to go out and earn even a penny without HER contribution at home and with the children?

What a nasty piece of work you are.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 04/05/2017 20:39

I would make DH sandwiches because DH is a nice person who is worth making sandwiches for.

If your DH is generally a dick then obviously he doesn't deserve sandwiches.

Can you sidestep the issue and buy those ready made meal things that can go in the microwave? Or make a huge amount of pasta, quiche, or stews, and freeze them in single portions that he can microwave? Or make a huge quantity of sandwiches and put them in the freezer? My mother used to do this for my packed lunch at school, ham or peanut butter freeze very well, egg is appalling, coming out like rubber. Sardine also freezes well, sadly. At least then he could grab his lunch from the freezer every day without bothering you.

stitchglitched · 04/05/2017 20:41

Red- actually OP's partner is in an easier position to make lunches because he does nothing before going to work whereas OP is busy with the children and housework.

Original poster
DeleteOrDecay · 04/05/2017 20:42

I'm sure he's more than capable of making his lunch in the same way that I'm sure that you're more than capable of going out and supporting the family financially

You have no idea of the circumstances surrounding our lifestyle apart from what I've shared in this thread so how you can jump to such a conclusion I have no idea??

Should have known better than to mention that I'm a sahm, I forgot some people see people like me as a lesser human being...

OP posts:
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