To not make his sandwiches?

[DeleteOrDecay]

Dp has been feeling rubbish at work lately. It's because instead of taking some proper food in he takes a couple of breakfast bars to see him through his shift but he is on his feet a lot so this obviously isn't substantial enough.

I suggested he should maybe make himself a sandwich or something to take with him. His response was that he can't be bothered it takes five minutes to knock up a wrap or sandwich. He asked me if I could make them for him but I refused on the basis that he is more than capable of making his own sandwich for work and that I have enough on my plate with 2 young dc, the majority of the housework and cooking and my own myriad of MH issues.

I am a sahm, but I don't see why I should be expected to make him sandwiches when he has ample time either before or after work to make one himself. I'm his partner, not his mother. Aibu?

No ones saying it's a lesser human being. I think SAHP is one of the most difficult jobs.

No I am not joking. I think its awful people sitting there moaning how there OH doesn't do this or that or they are lazy and calling them names. This goes for both men and women, I hear it all the time in the office. Oh my wife she just spends all my money, oh my husband is so lazy doesn't help around the house. Seriously if my OH ever spoke about me in that way to other people he wouldn't be my OH for long infact I wouldn't even marry a guy who did that.

You marry someone you love and respect and want to be with, why on earth would you want to talk about them in such a way. I think its really disrespectful. If my OH has something to say or doesn't agree with me on something or doesn't like something I am doing then he says to me and we sort it out.

*the partner who's "job" it is the run the household, is in an easier position to make lunches.

Hmmm, see I would have a problem living with someone who didn't think they had any part in 'running the household', because they had a job outwith the home and I was looking after our children.

Are people just not reading what the OP is saying??

She has said multiple times that he himself has the time to do it but he can't be bothered so he asked her to do it!

It's not about being nice to your partner but about pandering to his laziness.

I agree with Delete's stance: she can make his sandwiches if she wants to, but it's not her duty to make them.

Haven't read the whole thread. Sure this has been said already, but:

Your DP can choose how much of a priority making a bloody sandwich is. If working on just a couple of cereal bars is so shit, he can weigh up whether it's worth making the effort of throwing a sandwich together instead. If he can't be arsed, he's clearly not that unhappy with his food of choice.

You marry someone you love and respect and want to be with, why on earth would you want to talk about them in such a way.

This upsets me too. You hear it everywhere, making jokes about wives nagging, husbands being lazy and it's depressing. I adore my DP and would never dream of saying horrible things about him, and he wouldn't say them about me.

It's as if people have no concept of a decent relationship anymore :(

Yabu
It takes a minute at most
And it's nice to be nice

I have not once called my Dp lazy or called him names. I actually feel I've been quite fair, I've not turned around and said he does nothing because that would be untrue, I've tried to be as honest as possible about the situation.

This thread has amazed me. I'm so gobsmacked at the amount of people on here who think that the OP should make her DP's sarnies, because he can't be bothered. Unreal.

It's the otherposters calling him names

That's not my problem, I can't control what other people say. Just like I can't control people like you disagreeing with me.

I wonder if the responses would all have been the same if it was the mother that was working and the father that was wondering whether to make sandwiches?

You might not have called him names but you have openly complained about him in a situation after you have already made a decision. You already decided you don't want to make him sandwichs and told him and now you have posted it on here and allowed other people to call him names. You could of posted it up without bringing him into it.

I didn't say you called him names specifically.

I'd make his lunch. In fact I do make his lunch. When we both worked full time he used to make mine.
We're a team. He thinks I do more. I think he does more. I'd hate to think of him feeling rubbish because he didn't eat lunch.

Well I'm sorry Spectre for being such a terrible human being.

I make DPs lunches for him, but then I also make the kids and my own lunch for work. I was already making 3 lunches, so when DP moved in with us it wasn't really a stretch to make another. If I decided I wanted lunches to be DPs job, he would do it. Similarly if I thought we should take turns, he would. If, however, I knew he'd be too fucking lazy to do it, I'd tell him to do one and starve. We are very much an equal division of labour type house though, we both work and do our share of school runs etc. DP does bins, changes the beds, does the washing up. I do laundry, general tidying etc.
As an aside, I make everyone's lunch the night before, gives me an extra 15 mins in bed.

Well just think about how you would feel if it was reversed? Would you be happy he did the same? Would you like it?

This thread has amazed me. I'm so gobsmacked at the amount of people on here who think that the OP should make her DP's sarnies, because he can't be bothered. Unreal.

I know. Depressing, isn't it?

Delete, you've done NOTHING wrong by posting here. It's anonymous. You're not a terrible person.
Some of the posters here though...

It's interesting, those that preach the most sanctimony are often the most vicious and spiteful. As is being evidenced.

Obviously don't do it. There's a reason that even aside from the obvious troll, the replies telling you to have each, to a one, been batshit.

I always try to do my husbands lunch the night before 🙊

Why am I batshit ? I do lunches he does other stuff. Why is that such a travesty?

He works 1-9.30 pm. Same amount of hours as doing 9am -5.30pm. Assuming DC's would be in bed when he got home, and having enough sleep as he doesn't get up until 10.30am, why would he be so exhausted he couldn't make his own lunch in that 2 hours he is doing fuck all?

I always thought this was one of the great things about being an adult, even in a relationship and whatever your situation...if you fancy making the sandwiches, go for it. If you want to get bits in to grab from the fridge, go for it. If you don't want to do either, that's fine. Everyone will manage one way or another.

Spectre people post on mn about their partners, husbands, mum's, dads, in-laws, siblings, friends etc all the time. In fact I'd argue that those threads make up for at least half of the content on mn. Do you go onto all those threads telling people how awful they are for posting or is mine a special case?

What do you want me to do? Request that mn delete the thread? Ain't happening I'm afraid.