To not make his sandwiches?

[DeleteOrDecay]

Dp has been feeling rubbish at work lately. It's because instead of taking some proper food in he takes a couple of breakfast bars to see him through his shift but he is on his feet a lot so this obviously isn't substantial enough.

I suggested he should maybe make himself a sandwich or something to take with him. His response was that he can't be bothered it takes five minutes to knock up a wrap or sandwich. He asked me if I could make them for him but I refused on the basis that he is more than capable of making his own sandwich for work and that I have enough on my plate with 2 young dc, the majority of the housework and cooking and my own myriad of MH issues.

I am a sahm, but I don't see why I should be expected to make him sandwiches when he has ample time either before or after work to make one himself. I'm his partner, not his mother. Aibu?

I've seen JustAKitten goading on other threads too, penny's just dropped.

• ex mil , not mother. ffs

JustAKitten enjoys merailing threads from what I've seen.

Op i have a similar thing, but I've almost solved it by making a little extra at dinner time and then he puts the leftovers in a tub and off he goes! Even if it's a slice of cold pie or leftover noodles. He'll grab some extra tomatoes and/or fruit and neither of us have the faff of sandwich making.

Surely being a stay at home mum automatically includes stay at home wife/girlfriend because you're at home...and his wife

The clue is in the job title. Then it would be called stay at home wife. Or stay at home girlfriend. It's called stay at home parent because that's rhe primary role.looking after pre schoolers. Past that they are both husband or wife. The location of their work is irrelevant.

When have I goaded? There was one thread where I got into an argument but otherwise I don't see it.

But yeah anyone who disagrees is goading

I would say being a SAHP isn't always a choice. Especially when health issues have been mentioned.

YANBU. Who would be wiping his arse for him if he were single? He'd have no domestic appliance to charge with making him a fucking sandwich.

'No, you are not a child.'

FWIW, my 8-year-old son who has autism can make his own sandwich.

My two-penn'orth: it depends.

If you feel he's taking the P, then no. But, if you're a team and you love him, why not just make the sarnies?

It's balance innit, but I think everyone always over-estimates their own contribution whilst playing down other people's.

I'd certainly ignore anyone saying YANBU on the basis of 'all men are bastards'.

Bluntness the difference being that by being at home, there will be occasions where you can do that work around the kids. The other person can't do that.

Thank you for replying sensibly to the question I asked.

Does he ever look after you OP?

You've had plenty of sensible replies, you've just been ignoring/twisting them.

Well I'm not ignoring or twisting it. It's called a discussion.

Bluntness the difference being that by being at home, there will be occasions where you can do that work around the kids. The other person can't do that

But he can in this situation , he doesn't get up till ten thirty. He doesn't start work till 1. She's the one running around working In the mornings, . Not him.

You are indeed being goady.

MY DH makes his own lunch. Sometimes I have done it for him.

I don't really think doing something to be nice is depressing shit like this WellErr.

But I do see what you and others mean about him being too lazy to bother.

I'm not obtuse. I'm asking why, if you hate the idea of being a housewife, would you choose to be a SAHP? It's a valid question.

I think your definition of a sahp is vastly different to everyone else's.

I haven't seen anyone say ianbu on the basis of all men are bastards but maybe I've missed those replies?

Could you swerve the sandwich/housewife issue and just buy a multipack of sausage rolls/ pasties or something to put in the fridge? He can stick one in a bag to take with him. Plus a banana or cereal bar.

My dh works on a building site and often takes noodle pots to make up with hot water because he hates making sandwiches and would rather have extra time in bed in the morning

YANBU. He is an adult and capable of making his own pack up. If he cant be arsed he can go without. You are his wife, not his mother/carer

Bluntness

But he's the financial provider. So surely she's still the SAHP at that point?

Why is it "goady" to disagree?

As a compromise whoever does the shopping, get some 'ingredients' in to make sandwich 'manufacture' as easy as possible and a nice box to put them in and have a go making some together for the first time, just in case he really is totally incompetent. He will also then learn where all the 'ingredients' are kept so that the following day he can make them all by himself. If you get the DC to watch too, you won't need to repeat the exercise in a few years time. Simples!

OP perhaps it is. I see it as choosing domestic work over paid work which is fine, but then I think it's strange to complain about tasks that are house related.

I am still confused on the issue of the actual sandwiches. OPs DP isnt bothered about having them. OP wants him to have them but wont make them. OPs DP is happy for the current arrangement to continue.

The AIBU is not "my husband has, out of the blue, asked me to make sandwiches for his lunch. I said no, AIBU?". Instead is should be "I want to decide what my DP has for lunch, is it BU to expect him to make what I decide he should be eating?".

Packed lunch is work related not house related. Definitely DH's job then.

Scottish