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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not make his sandwiches?

482 replies

DeleteOrDecay · 04/05/2017 18:40

Dp has been feeling rubbish at work lately. It's because instead of taking some proper food in he takes a couple of breakfast bars to see him through his shift but he is on his feet a lot so this obviously isn't substantial enough.

I suggested he should maybe make himself a sandwich or something to take with him. His response was that he can't be botheredHmm it takes five minutes to knock up a wrap or sandwich. He asked me if I could make them for him but I refused on the basis that he is more than capable of making his own sandwich for work and that I have enough on my plate with 2 young dc, the majority of the housework and cooking and my own myriad of MH issues.

I am a sahm, but I don't see why I should be expected to make him sandwiches when he has ample time either before or after work to make one himself. I'm his partner, not his mother. Aibu?

OP posts:
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Lightattheend · 04/05/2017 21:13

I agree, don't do it. He can't be bothered, you don't need to do it for him.

Daytona79 · 04/05/2017 21:13

Personally I'd make him his lunch and his dinner, I'm home with a baby & toddler and I do cooking, cleaning and childcare. Although Husband always washes and tidy away etc dishes after dinner.

I don't think it's to much to do to make him his lunch personally.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 04/05/2017 21:13

Why would he be so exhausted? because he's not eating any lunch! Grin He must be collapsing with hunger when he gets in, which is silly.

Notsoslimshady · 04/05/2017 21:13

The music i hear while reading this thread

JoanRamone · 04/05/2017 21:15

YANBU OP. I would do anything for DH, and vice versa, and occasionally I make him a packed lunch. I am a SAHM and do most of the cooking and housework, but because DH respects me and he's a nice person he doesn't take the piss- he knows I don't enjoy the drudgework and he wouldn't want to pile more on me out of laziness or a sense of self importance or whatever. Equally, I wouldn't leave all the jobs I don't like for him to do. We are both qualified to the same level as well, and even though I happily cook for DH and would make his lunch, if he started to expect it because he can't be assed and I "do the home stuff" it wouldn't feel like a marriage of equals anymore. It can be demoralising enough being a SAHP after a career, you need your DH to really value you and not see you as a skivvy.

Original poster
DeleteOrDecay · 04/05/2017 21:16

Slimshady that made me Grin thanks for that.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/05/2017 21:17

If your DH is generally a dick then obviously he doesn't deserve sandwiches

Bwahahahaha. Now that's setting the bar high. "Oh darling, you haven't been a dick today, as such here let me make you some sandwiches, youve totally earned them by refraining from being a dick" Such high standards.

The simple act of sitting doing fuck all and watching her being busy whilst asking her to make his sandwiches as he can't be arsed makes him a dick. Why are some people so confused by this?

Spectre8 · 04/05/2017 21:19

Given he has this free time in the morning I assume you don't do his ironing for him because he has the time to iron his own clothes.

Original poster
DeleteOrDecay · 04/05/2017 21:19

Why if making a sandwich is not too much effort can he not be expected to make it himself?

No one seems to be able to answer this question.

And we do nice things for each other, this isn't about doing something nice.

OP posts:
SuperBeagle · 04/05/2017 21:19

YANBU.

I don't make my DH's lunches and never had. He's a grown man. He can do it himself. It isn't the 50s.

Original poster
DeleteOrDecay · 04/05/2017 21:20

I don't do any ironing, never have. We generally don't buy clothes that require ironing unless it's special occasion wear or similar.

OP posts:
MargotLovedTom1 · 04/05/2017 21:21

Out of curiosity, does he sort himself something to eat when he gets home?

Original poster
DeleteOrDecay · 04/05/2017 21:21

Oh god, I just admitted I don't iron on mn.

Grin
OP posts:
Jux · 04/05/2017 21:21

Wow. This thread is scary.

Do some people not know the difference between sahm and domestic servant?

Do some people actually believe that if it's 'domestic' the it's the wif's job?

Do some people not understand that by looking after the children and being the full time carer is propping up his career and career success - of ten at the expense of her own - her role as carer is just as important as his as earner, and that if she were not doing the caring then he almost dertainly would not be abk to pursue his career as successfully as he does? Hemowes her a hell of a lot more than she owes him.

She's busier.
Her hours are longer.
She gets less downtime.

He doe not get to throw occasional additional duties at her on a whim, particularly when he only wants it done because he can't be bothered.

Whathaveilost · 04/05/2017 21:22

I would for DH because I am concerned that he doesn't eat right and I like to nurture my family and also he isn't a dick no does loads of kind things for me without thinking about it that benefit only me.
Your situation seems a bit more complicated than making a few ham butties though!

MissShittyBennet · 04/05/2017 21:22

Nobody said you making your husbands lunch was batshit prima. In fact this isn't about actually about you or what you do at all. It is the responses telling OP she should do it that are batshit. There's a distinction.

hippyhippyshake · 04/05/2017 21:31

Another thread where the Stepford wives come out and bleat about their fulfilling lives waiting for their men to come home.

TheLuminaries · 04/05/2017 21:32

When the children were little and I was only working part time/freelance, I would usually make a big enough tea that DH could take some in tupperware for his lunch the next day. At the time he hated his job and was just working to support us, so I liked to be able to perk up his grim day - I know what it feels like to do a job you don't enjoy.

Life moves on, I now work full time & DH has retrained for a job he loves & makes his own lunches. So I think there is no should/shouldn't about it. It is how you feel and what you want to do. Personally, I hate making sandwiches, but would happily make extra food or add some suitable lunch fodder to the weekly shop. It really wouldn't be a big issue, either way.

NavyandWhite · 04/05/2017 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DeleteOrDecay · 04/05/2017 21:42

Out of curiosity, does he sort himself something to eat when he gets home?

It depends what we're having. Most of the time I cook one meal for the whole family but if he wants something only he likes then he cooks it himself when he gets in. He does also cook entire family meals sometimes too, usually once in a while at the weekend or when he's on the early shift. If I ask him to cook he has no problem doing it.

His shifts also mean that he's not always around at family meal time so unless it's something that can be reheated he has no choice but to cook for himself occasionally.

So yeah he's more than capable of fixing up a sandwichGrin

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 04/05/2017 21:43

Adults can make their own sandwiches. It would be nice to do it for him occasionally but not every day of his only reason for not doing it is can't be arsed

Notsoslimshady · 04/05/2017 22:00

no need to berate people and make them feel like shit

AIBU is basically built on berating people and making them feel like shit, isn't it?

NavyandWhite · 04/05/2017 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 04/05/2017 22:06

I don't iron either op,,,i wouldn't be concerned about it..😂

WilburIsSomePig · 04/05/2017 22:08

It's interesting, those that preach the most sanctimony are often the most vicious and spiteful. As is being evidenced.

^^ this. A hundred times over.

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