AIBU?? Is this taking the piss?

[TesticleMeElmo]

Right, bit of a rant here but hear me out. Our DD is 4 next week, so we're having a party on Sunday for her. We've hired a hall, got the nibbles sorted, and invited everyone she wants and a fair few family members and their children as well. Apart from the fact that it's taken best part of a sodding month for anyone to rsvp, I'm now suddenly getting messages galore asking 'Are parents staying or are we just dropping off?'
Surely this is ridiculous?? I wouldn't DREAM of leaving DD at a party free for all with roughly 40 other kids that she's unlikely to know many of (we have a large family) while she's so young. Is this a thing now? What if they need the toilet?? What if they break themselves? What if they break someone else?? What if they're being horrible little shits and need to be told off??! Am I right in thinking they just want an afternoon of free childcare while they bugger off and do something that's actually fun? How old were yours when you left them?

No Mumzypopz it doesn't work like that for me. I have diagnosed anxiety and some other MH issues and it isn't a vicious circle like that for me.

I struggle to do groups of people and I find the kids party thing hard enough with out adding parents to socialise with into the mix.

It's not just that easy for some of us.

4th birthday parties round here you expect a few to be dropped and left. Small village so everyone knows each other.

I feel crappy....They may be perfectly capable, but when parties are often only an hour and a half at playbarns, it's not worth going home and coming back again, and when all the mums sit down and order coffee, it seems rude to go. In these large playbarns, if you didn't want to socialise with them particularly you could always keep your distance.

I always did parties that were two hours and I never did one in a play barn far away from where everyone lived.

Your circumstances are clearly different, but I would find it odd that you stayed to chat with other friends. And it would make me very very anxious and if there were lots of mums staying to chat I would organise a different type of party the next year.

You also seem to have a fixation on "mums" and I am wondering where the dads feature in these parties?

Mumzypops

Your community sounds a bit oppressive for my taste

Ifeelcrap.....Don't have a fixation on mums at all....Don't get unusually nasty....of course some dad's would be there, but a lot wouldn't. It's not odd that people stay to chat at all. That's what a lot of people do at gatherings, it's normal. I would say the majority of parties round me have been in playbarns, and they are usually about a twenty minute drive away, some are about half an hour away, so the timing of the party is dictated by the playbarns.....Usually one and a half hours. As kids get older, parties might be at the bowling alley where there's lots of seating around and people buy coffee, or they might be lazer.qwest...At that one some people go, but a lot stay. It's not unusual at all. I do understand what you mean, I often feel a bit awkward in those settings, when people I don't know, stay....But I've sucked it up, to be polite

Notyoda....Why is chatting to other mums oppressive?!

I like chatting too.

But I would have felt that I was hovering and getting in my child's way if I stayed at a party when they were 8.

Where abouts do you live mumzypops?

I like chatting, but the thought of being looked at askance for not chatting, not so much.

These are massive playbarns...Like the size of a factory, the kids run off and you don't see them for an hour or so ... Definately not in the way, the kids more than likely don't know the parents are there. I occasionally asked my child if he wanted me to go and the answer was always no. When they were younger, parents would walk round the play bit to check they were ok.

It might be about where you live. In London there's loads of stuff nearby that you can travel to on public transport, so it's not as if it's a big faff to get there and back

I'd rather eat my own arm than have to sit in a playbarn once they've turned about 5.

Mumzypopz you aren't very understanding of anxiety.

I am medicated for my anxiety. It isn't a matter of sucking it up to be polite.

...Xpost

You are making these factory playbarns sound like a dystopian nightmare

Chloe84....Err not telling the precise place, might out me!!!! Think North of the country. Medium sized village that merges into the next, but semi rural....Also drivable distance from a couple of cities ...

It isn't normal, thank god, where I live to stay at a child's birthday party. The invitation is for the child, and after about nursery age, it's expect that the child and only the child will attend the party.

4 is the age where it's fluid, but after that, they're expect to stay.

After all, you don't sit with them at school playtime. And the invitation is for the child. Not the family.

Notyoda....I can't help what they are like!!! Some of them are massive, they always echo.....Probable pretty much the same as any other playbarns across the country really.

I don't know what a playbarn is.

I know what soft play is. But I've never heard the expression "playbarn"

Ifeelcrap.....Very understandable about anxiety actually....was talking about me....And how i cope at these things, not you.

mumzy

Not blaming you. But it does highlight that different people have different experiences and expectations

I also think parties are to entertain children, so if you can't do that safely without their parents being there (unless parent/child wants them to stay) then don't do that kind of party.

I'd say again that 4 is the age when some will and some won't. Certainly not rude for parents to ask what's expected (as in the OPs case)

I know exactly what they are like.

"The poor kid would wonder round saying "wheres my mum"? With a worried look on his face, and people would whisper "she's left him again"!!!!"

They are that sort of people.

mumzy you are coming across as a bit dismissive. I simply could not suck it up. I would be in a melt down. It would be very difficult for me and would cause my MH to crash. I find those sort of events torture and would not be able to cope.

Ifeelcrap.....Playbarns are very common round me. Think large factory building, with a myriad of ropes, tunnels, net climbing frames, plastic wrecking balls, things to jump on....A kind of soft play mountain for children up to about eight. The rest of the factory is taken up by massive cafe.

This subject always amazes me. Nobody had parties that big when I was a kid. Nor for children under 5. Parents never stayed ( unless they were the mum's best friend). The same for my kids when they were little...I've never stayed at a party.
Then suddenly you start getting these competitive 'event' parties and now everyone is expected to stay!

My kids preferred to have a couple of best friends over for a trip to the cinema and then tea at home anyway.

Holy shit, you're holding a party for 80-100, half 4 year olds, with a bar..?"! Okaaaay