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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is abuse

155 replies

wordlemcfuddle · 03/05/2017 20:50

Can't even believe I am writing this right now am so fucking angry.

I have just popped round to my mothers house. My nephew opens the door and says "look at my leg daddy did this" revealing massive bruise. I am obviously somewhat taken aback, my mum is telling him to shush. Nephew then starts telling me his dad came into his bedroom and inflicted the injury whilst he was asleep because he had been naughty (broken something).

I am horrified. This is not normal is it? I believe the school has picked up on it, but I don't know what has happened.

Mother won't speak to me about it because she has a difficult relationship with my sister and is terrified if she tells me then my sister will stop talking to her. No one can say anything to her or her husband because they are not normal people to converse with. They are angry and hate the world. I have long suspected he may be violent to my sister though she won't admit it. I did not think he would be violent towards the child.

I am really hoping the school acts on the information and reports it to social services. Having just discussed with my close friend who is a teacher though she advises me they may just log it and no further action.

So my question is if you are a teacher do you think they would get social services involved in this case?

I am hoping they do because I don't want to have to do it myself and the potential ramifications but it's just a horrible and terrifying situation to be in. I don't want my nephew taken away from them to strangers but equally I don't want him in the hands of an abuser.

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 03/05/2017 22:46

So sorry your family are going through this. So perhaps we were wrong to judge your mum as she knew he had already been removed. The child is safe and will need his extended family so glad you are there for him. Hopefully your sister will see sense and leave him. Your reaction and shock is entirely natural.

Fruitcorner123 · 03/05/2017 22:47

I mean leave the abusive father of course not her son. Sorry if that's unclear

SpiritedLondon · 03/05/2017 22:47

Well having worked in child protection I would definitely investigate that based on the information that you've provided. Your nephew has disclosed spontaneously and has injuries which support his account. The circumstances are pretty horrific too since it was appparently committed in fairly pre meditated way obviously some time after the " naughty" event. If you leave it to the school you are essentially inserting another person into the chain who doesn't really need to be involved - and essentially delaying any action that will be taken. Call the police.

Original poster
wordlemcfuddle · 03/05/2017 22:49

@Fruitcorner123 suspect my mum did not want me to confront him as his temper is not predictable as we all know. Just wish they would tell me the truth to begin with instead of cloak and dagger. No doubt it is a very hard thing for them to process as well.

OP posts:
lalalalyra · 03/05/2017 22:50

Glad you got to the bottom of it op. And well done for digging and finding out without hitting the roof.

I hope it's emerged that your mum just wasn't saying much because your nephew was present.

If she's still being cagey/awkward then please do keep an eye on her and make sure she's following the conditions put on your nephew staying with her.

Good luck to you and your family. With people looking out for him your nephew will be ok in the long run, that's what kids need most in life.

SpiritedLondon · 03/05/2017 22:54

Sorry OP I've just seen your post. I wonder if he's been taken into police protection? You may still need to speak with the police / social worker to explain about the conversation that you had with your nephew. ( since he disclosed to you)

CherryMintVanilla · 03/05/2017 23:07

So he's staying with your mother for now? I'd just be concerned that she doesn't seem to want to speak against her DD or SIL...

PollytheDolly · 03/05/2017 23:10

Thank goodness! Please keep us updated OP.

He's safe and being monitored and in the right hands.

Try and get some sleep tonight.

Hopefully this man will be out of all your lives soon.

Fruitcorner123 · 03/05/2017 23:11

I think reading between the lines the op's mum didn't feel it was her place to tell the op everything at that point. Not necessarily to protect her DD or the BIL just because it was all sudden and a bit of a shock. It was assumed she was choosing not to report it but actually it looks like it had already been reported by the school and the mum knew this.

The op's mum is also very likely to be concerned for her daughter who is with this abusive man that is normal.

AirandMungBeans · 04/05/2017 00:34

So glad he's safe. It's such a difficult and unsettling situation, but your nephew is safe, he's being protected and that in itself is positive.

PickAChew · 04/05/2017 00:40

If this is only seen as a first incindent and only gets "logged" then better this incident, rather than the one next month or the next one after the two you didn't find out about....

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 04/05/2017 00:42

There's no 2 ways about it. It is abuse. The poor little boy.
Shame on your mum sushing him. If she's condoning it. She's as guilty.
He needs his aunt to protect him.
Please report. You'll be never live with yourself if anything happens.

PickAChew · 04/05/2017 00:44

Glad to see the update, btw.

SexualFlexual · 04/05/2017 07:49

I still think you need to report this and speak to someone yourself OP. It seems to be quite a turnaround to your first post, and why that may just be the fact that someone is now being honest, I'd hate for it to be because they were covering up fort his man.

PixieMiss · 04/05/2017 08:17

How did you find that information?

Agree it is a sudden turnaround...

Original poster
wordlemcfuddle · 04/05/2017 08:44

Ffs why am i being interrogated again?

I interrogated my dad until I got to the bottom of it. I am satisfied it is being dealt with by the appropriate people. My parents are heartbroken, embarrassed and coming to terms with it themselves they didn't want to worry/drag me into for many reasons whereas I am the type of person who wants to know everything.

OP posts:
SexualFlexual · 04/05/2017 08:46

If you don't want people to ask questions don't post an emotive post on a public forum asking "is this child abuse" about a topic that anyone with more than two brain cells would know clearly is fucking child abuse, particularly when you then publicly consider leaving it for others to help deal with if it's picked up.

And that's all after you've suggested it's been ignored by adults for 24 hours already.

Original poster
wordlemcfuddle · 04/05/2017 09:53

It has not been ignored for 24 hours I never said that.

Having got to the bottom of it it happened last week and he was immediately removed.

I came on here for help to try and understand the process so that I could glean what may be going on as I was being kept in the dark and I wanted to make sure the right things were happening so that I could push for it if necessary. I have no experience of these situations and wanted advice from teachers specifically to try and see where we may be in the SS process.

My question "is this abuse" may seem stupid but it is so hard to process when you are actually confronted with it at the time I wanted to know it wasn't me over reacting. If I was reading it as a third party I'd be thinking yeah of course but it is absolutely gut wrenching and shocking when you encounter it.

It is an emotive subject clearly but I can assure you it's far more emotive when it happens in your own family and you are confronted with what to do about it and a violent man who could also easily attack your sister, your parents or you. I did not want to go straight off at the deep end and ring the police etc without establishing where things were at. I have now established that and there was not the need for me to call anyone but at least I now have the facts and am relieved by the schools quick identification and support on offer.

OP posts:
Mummamayhem · 04/05/2017 09:58

You really need to take some responsibility and call the Police (101) or call childrens services duty team, or at the very least call the school.

He is telling you as an adult he trusts and you're ignoring it?!

BenadrylCucumberpatch · 04/05/2017 13:47

Absolutely this needs reporting to the Police.
And you don't have to abuse a child personally to be judged as being complicit in their abuse by the eyes of the law.

People have been prosecuted for standing by when children have been injured or killed, but due to the preventable nature of the crime if they had solid knowledge of abuse and did nothing.
I think it's call depraved indifference?

BenadrylCucumberpatch · 04/05/2017 13:48

*called

BlackeyedSusan · 04/05/2017 14:13

it is easy to see things clearer from the outside and harder to see what is happening when there are a lot of emotions involved. (love for nephew but not wanting to hurt sister/support. not wanting to make things worse etc. )

RedHelenB · 04/05/2017 14:19

Your nephew has disclosed to you so you |MUST report it. If he has disclosed to school then I cant think of any scenario where that wouldnt have been taken further.

RedHelenB · 04/05/2017 14:23

Just read update - you still need to tell SS what he said to you and when.even though school seem to have dealt with it.

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 04/05/2017 14:29

Has anyone reported this thread?

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