To think this is abuse

[wordlemcfuddle]

Can't even believe I am writing this right now am so fucking angry.

I have just popped round to my mothers house. My nephew opens the door and says "look at my leg daddy did this" revealing massive bruise. I am obviously somewhat taken aback, my mum is telling him to shush. Nephew then starts telling me his dad came into his bedroom and inflicted the injury whilst he was asleep because he had been naughty (broken something).

I am horrified. This is not normal is it? I believe the school has picked up on it, but I don't know what has happened.

Mother won't speak to me about it because she has a difficult relationship with my sister and is terrified if she tells me then my sister will stop talking to her. No one can say anything to her or her husband because they are not normal people to converse with. They are angry and hate the world. I have long suspected he may be violent to my sister though she won't admit it. I did not think he would be violent towards the child.

I am really hoping the school acts on the information and reports it to social services. Having just discussed with my close friend who is a teacher though she advises me they may just log it and no further action.

So my question is if you are a teacher do you think they would get social services involved in this case?

I am hoping they do because I don't want to have to do it myself and the potential ramifications but it's just a horrible and terrifying situation to be in. I don't want my nephew taken away from them to strangers but equally I don't want him in the hands of an abuser.

Lala - good post and I'm sorry to hear what you went through :(

I agree that this absolutely must be reported. OP if you spend anymore time with him before SS get involved, be careful not to ask him any leading questions. Information gathered in this way will not be able to be used as evidence as it is unreliable, given that children are very open to suggestion and seeds could inadvertently be put in his mind. I have recently completed some extensive safeguarding training and this was one of the most important things that was stressed.
I feel for you, it must be awful to find out that a child you love is at risk and being harmed. Poor little boy. I hope you find the strength to help him, seeking advice is a great first step.

Report this abuse. Now.

Meant to add, pressed post too soon: but this is urgent and must be dealt with very quickly to prevent any further harm.

Did he do this to the child at your mums house?

Report it to SS, don't let your nephew suffer because of that cunt.

*Not being funny, but this happened 24 hours ago - it needs to be acted on now.

It's not up to the OP to decide how things should be handled, it's up to the police and social services. There's already at least two adults who haven't reported this when they should have (the mum, and the grandma).*

It needs to be acted on before the child is in more danger. He's not in danger right at this moment.

The fact the child's mother and grandmother are failing him is also more reason for his Aunt to carefully pick the way she does handle it (and she's not suggesting nothing is done at all - just hesitant to openly report them to protect the relationship) because her nephew is going to need her in his life as she seems to be the only one who is going to do things in the best way for him.

Op I reported a use by my bil to SS.

I made an anonymous report out of hours on a Saturday night.

By Monday lunch time SS had contacted my sister, her HV & the childrens' schools.

It could've been anyone reported the incidents (there were many) & my sister asked me if it had been me. I said whoever did it was obviously concerned for the welfare of her children.

SS worked with sis & her family, including bil.

They're still together but it brings a certain comfort knowing the children (there are six but the eldest are 14 & 16) know they have support SS are there if needed.

I know the feeling you have in your guts right now, but you'll feel worse if nothing is done.

Good luck.

Children also end up at risk of more harm when things are handled badly.

This is what I'm worried about. This man is deeply violent.

If it were me I'd be shit scared right now, as I think the OP is right now, confused and doesn't know who to turn to first and how long it will be before something happens to make the child safe.

Of course she's going to do something, what she does next and how is where she's seeking help.

If she wants to make an anonymous referral she can do that tonight either by contacting children's social care out of hours or the NSPCC helpline. Time can be important when looking at physical injuries and at the very least it would put it right at the front of tomorrow's work for the social worker who needs to pick this up.

There really is only one plan which is to make a referral and the key decision is whether to put her name to it or not. I cannot see any other sensible choices however stressful and unpleasant it is for OP.

OP, this is abuse. Tell the school. Also phone social services and tell them. The child seeming proud of his war wounds is part of his way of dealing with what happened to him. My abuse from my mother was emotional not usually physical, but I responded in a similar way.

Please help him.

Please report this as soon as possible to the police and/or social services. They are there to help protect those who can't protect themselves. Breaking something doesn't deserve a beating.

If this is reported anonymously via NSPCC it will make it a lot harder for this to be investigated properly and risks making it a lot easier for the father to develop a cover story and coach the kid what to say before be is seen, which could mean that no one has any power to do anything.

I would recommend reporting openly but I understand that this is a very difficult situation for you to be in. If you absolutely insist on being anonymous can I recommend you still call social care directly, not using nspcc as a go between, tell them openly who you are and your relationship to the child then explain you wish to be anonymous.

OP, yes the school would report it, if they know what you know. However it's not unknown for parents to tell a child not to mention it at school and the child to be too scared to disobey them, then if he's got trousers on the teacher might not know anything about it at all. Or he may have been told to tell his school something else to explain the bruise, loads of kids have bruised legs just through normal childhood accidents. He may have told you because his parents didn't think to tell him not to tell you.

What happens next is SS will look into it, they will check for any other reports concerning your nephew and if they decide it's worth investigating they will likely talk to the school. they will then talk to your sister and BIL and get their side of it, they may also talk to your nephew. They don't always say who has reported them and you can report anonymously through the NSPCC.

It's a horrible situation for you to be in but if your mum won't step in you may well be the only person who can stop this before BIL does something worse.

Be the adult and report this rather than aid the abuse....your Nephew trusted you don't let him down he may never open up to anyone again, this is how the tragic cases happen people hoping someone else will do it. How would you live with that? If there was nothing to hide the adults involved would not be keeping it quiet and you would have a genuine believable explanation. you also already suspect domestic abuse the school may not have this to back up any worries....a child should not have to live with that either as seeing a parent abused is a form of child abuse

OP report it to the police or SS. I can't believe you want to know what they may do- they will make enquiries and do what is needed to protect your nephew! You should be asking yourself what will happen if you don't report it, your nephew needs you to help him, fgs help the poor child will you- make the call- MAKE-THE-CALL

Hello OP, I haven't read the full thread but as a child social worker, if you want to report this I would advise that you call the police. A crime has been committed so that would be appropriate and the fastest way to ensure something is done to safeguard the little one. Sorry this has happened, you must be very upset.
If you don't feel able to report can you increase your contact with the child? See them several times a week, give them opportunity to talk to you alone, have them stay over with you (you can say this is to give parents a break). Essentially start to put some safe time in place for the child.

Although I really do think you should report it to the police.

Be brave and talk to your sister about the facts . She can never say you didnt support her or believe in her. Are you able to bluff your sister, pretending you know she would never support anyone to ever abuse her child.. You understand she may be distressed about facing that her partner is an abuser and her relationship is fucked, but you have total faith she would always protect her child from abuse?

Tell her you are shocked for your poor nephew and so worried for his safety when sleeping Tell her you fully support her to do what she knows in her heart is the right thing and protect her beautiful little boy from any more of this sick abuse?? Maybe she needs support to be honest with herself that her denial is now not only harmful to herself , but harmful to her own child
Your Mum is repeating what just about everyone always ever did in the past which allowed abusers to continue living with children. If your sister continues to deny, then you have no choice but to act fast to protect your nephew from this sick man

Please do not talk to your sister as if she tells your husband they could tell the kid to make up a story and force him to lie if he's asked about it

My sister reported my best friend after discovering her 3 year old son constantly covered in bruises. SS got involved, it turned out she had PND and was behaving abusively to her son, she got help and 24 years later they have a good relationship. My sister reported it anonymously and my friend challenged me about it as the information could only have come from one of us, she then asked me to thank my sister for getting her the help she needed as it saved her and her son from suffering any further...please report OP its the right thing to do

OP are you ok? Do you have anyone there with you right now?

I agree, it's not normal. It's also concerning that your mother is covering it up.

Safe right now ?
Sorry op I know this is gut wrenching for you I understand but, your mum thinks keeping stum and watching will help and that means it's down to you. A man that will walk into your sleeping nephews room and hit your nephew so hard as to leave a bruise, has no control and I'm afraid if you don't report you and your mum may be watching as much worse happens to your nephew or your sister.

I have got to the bottom of it. School has reported the parents to SS. He is currently not allowed home. There is nothing positive to say but at least I know it is in the right hands and steps are being taken. Thanks for the positive support I still can't quite believe this is happening.

Thanks @PollytheDolly yes I'm ok relieved but shocked

Cross posted there op. That is something positive and now you can say ' he is safe right now '