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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is abuse

155 replies

wordlemcfuddle · 03/05/2017 20:50

Can't even believe I am writing this right now am so fucking angry.

I have just popped round to my mothers house. My nephew opens the door and says "look at my leg daddy did this" revealing massive bruise. I am obviously somewhat taken aback, my mum is telling him to shush. Nephew then starts telling me his dad came into his bedroom and inflicted the injury whilst he was asleep because he had been naughty (broken something).

I am horrified. This is not normal is it? I believe the school has picked up on it, but I don't know what has happened.

Mother won't speak to me about it because she has a difficult relationship with my sister and is terrified if she tells me then my sister will stop talking to her. No one can say anything to her or her husband because they are not normal people to converse with. They are angry and hate the world. I have long suspected he may be violent to my sister though she won't admit it. I did not think he would be violent towards the child.

I am really hoping the school acts on the information and reports it to social services. Having just discussed with my close friend who is a teacher though she advises me they may just log it and no further action.

So my question is if you are a teacher do you think they would get social services involved in this case?

I am hoping they do because I don't want to have to do it myself and the potential ramifications but it's just a horrible and terrifying situation to be in. I don't want my nephew taken away from them to strangers but equally I don't want him in the hands of an abuser.

OP posts:

LornaD40 · 03/05/2017 21:25

To be fair, you don't know he is safe. Sounds like your mum is colluding with them.

From a school's perspective, if it has been reported they will come and see the child that day and decide a course of action. What happens really depends on the situation, existing concerns, child's age etc.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/05/2017 21:26

Ring the police and social services and keep ringing until someone listens.

blowawayblonde · 03/05/2017 21:26

Agree, please report it yourself. What's more important than this kid being safe? You can't leave it to chance, for someone else will pick it up.

Thingsthatmakeugoummmm · 03/05/2017 21:26

I appreciate that your question is to teachers. Prior to being a social worker I was a deputy head teacher so I am able to advise from both angles. I don't think that anyone is purposely trying to guilt trip you. They are just trying to ensure that your nephew protected which is clearly what you are trying to do. Good luck

Heirhelp · 03/05/2017 21:26

Ss will investigate. What happens next depends of what they find out and if any other concerns have been raised about your nephew.

newdaylight · 03/05/2017 21:26

It's abuse. And you've got a choice to make now. Do you enable it, let it carry on by doing nothing, or do you protect the child?

Don't assume school will report it. Even if they have seen it you don't know what they've been told.

Ring social care. Or police. Please.

whattheactualfudge · 03/05/2017 21:26

OP I'm afraid if you don't report it then I will report this thread to Police.

I have done this before and the people involved were traced. You have just stated on a public forum that a child is being physically abused yet you have done nothing about it? I'm sorry I have no choice

Gallavich · 03/05/2017 21:27

Your friend is mad but it doesn't matter, you still have to report it. You're a witness.

SexualFlexual · 03/05/2017 21:27

*That child has chosen to talk to you about it.

If you don't act and nothing happens, if that child is hurt again he likely won't tell anyone about it because nothing happened first time.

Please please please report.*

This post. X 100. That child may never disclose abuse again if they are ignored in this instance. Please report it, tonight. Now. Immediately.

peripericardium · 03/05/2017 21:27

It must be really hard for you OP, you have my support and sympathy in this situation.

I think in this case, the risk of not acting is that he is gravely injured or killed by this man. Therefore, although reporting to social services is incredibly difficult, it is the best thing to do. Try not to torture yourself about families being ripped apart etc. as that guilt is not yours, it is for this awful man to bear.

You have been put in this situation, it must be a total shock, but you'll rally and I'm sure you'll do the right thing.

PhyllisNights · 03/05/2017 21:27

"OP I'm afraid if you don't report it then I will report this thread to Police."

My thoughts exactly. I was just about to ask whether MNHQ could do anything.

Original poster

wordlemcfuddle · 03/05/2017 21:27

@Thingsthatmakeugoummmm if it is reported to SS what happens next?

OP posts:

rodrickrules · 03/05/2017 21:28

It is possible that you will have to face reporting this as it may be that school haven't been told what has happened. I would expect any mark like that to trigger a same day investigation, the fact nothing has happened suggests school may not have the facts that you do. While this means that you have a responsibility to protect your nephew by reporting this it is important to remember that you are not the one damaging your family. The person doing that is your BIL and only him.

WyfOfBathe · 03/05/2017 21:28

I know he is safe right now i need to try and gain more information

You don't know he is safe right now. He could be tucked up in his bed being injured by his father.

It's not your job to investigate, it's the job of children's services or the police. You don't need to gain information.

NSPCC on what to do if a child reveals abuse

SexualFlexual · 03/05/2017 21:28

OP you need to report it now

Please, i am sorry if you think it's a shitty situation for you to be in, but it's a million times worse for your nephew.

newdaylight · 03/05/2017 21:28

"Ss will investigate. What happens next depends of what they find out and if any other concerns have been raised about your nephew."
Only if they find out

Original poster

wordlemcfuddle · 03/05/2017 21:29

@whattheactualfudge as I said I found out an hour ago I am here to seek advice and I am dealing with it.

OP posts:

PollytheDolly · 03/05/2017 21:30

Here to support you through it OP.

Crispbutty · 03/05/2017 21:30

Whatever happens next if you report it will give that child a chance. You have to do it. Please.

SexualFlexual · 03/05/2017 21:30

The only appropriate way to deal with this is to report it. Now.

The fact you haven't is suggestive that you are brushing it off, or hoping others have reported it, or picked up on it.

newdaylight · 03/05/2017 21:31

@Thingsthatmakeugoummmm if it is reported to SS what happens next?
Based on what you've said I expect they speak to child in school then speak to parents to get their account. They'll take it from there depending on what is said.

LornaD40 · 03/05/2017 21:31

Absolutely newdaylight. But she did ask what happens if school reports.

HildaOg · 03/05/2017 21:31

Nobody's having a go at you, they're telling you what you need to do. Social services need to know, you can't rely on the school to report. Would you like a list of children who've died as a result of people waiting for someone else to deal with it while they were left with violent parents?

This isn't about you and your feelings. It's about a child and his safety. He's not safe with a violent father who's so out of control that he beats his kid while he's in bed asleep. That seems like uncontrollable rage and it's extremely dangerous.

blowawayblonde · 03/05/2017 21:32

OP, please no one is having a go at you.

I know how serious this can be, please don't minimise it. You can do it anonymously I believe (does anyone know?) but you cannot prioritise not upsetting the apple cart over a child's safety. Not just his safety, but the ideas about violence he is being taught.

Maybe your sister needs your help? It can't be a good environment for her either.

lalalalyra · 03/05/2017 21:32

You don't know he is safe right now. He could be tucked up in his bed being injured by his father.

He's with the OP's mother.

OP take a breath. If your nephew is with your Mum and you are happy he is safe tonight then take a breath, write everything down, have a cup of tea and then make a plan.

Shouting and yelling at someone doesn't help any situation. Especially not when the OP is clearly in shock.

OP what makes you think the school have picked up on it? I missed that first time round. If your nephew mentioned showing his bruise to a teacher or something like that then that would also be a good cover for an anonymous report to NSPCC as it'd likely be assumed by his parents that the school reported it.

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