Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is abuse

155 replies

wordlemcfuddle · 03/05/2017 20:50

Can't even believe I am writing this right now am so fucking angry.

I have just popped round to my mothers house. My nephew opens the door and says "look at my leg daddy did this" revealing massive bruise. I am obviously somewhat taken aback, my mum is telling him to shush. Nephew then starts telling me his dad came into his bedroom and inflicted the injury whilst he was asleep because he had been naughty (broken something).

I am horrified. This is not normal is it? I believe the school has picked up on it, but I don't know what has happened.

Mother won't speak to me about it because she has a difficult relationship with my sister and is terrified if she tells me then my sister will stop talking to her. No one can say anything to her or her husband because they are not normal people to converse with. They are angry and hate the world. I have long suspected he may be violent to my sister though she won't admit it. I did not think he would be violent towards the child.

I am really hoping the school acts on the information and reports it to social services. Having just discussed with my close friend who is a teacher though she advises me they may just log it and no further action.

So my question is if you are a teacher do you think they would get social services involved in this case?

I am hoping they do because I don't want to have to do it myself and the potential ramifications but it's just a horrible and terrifying situation to be in. I don't want my nephew taken away from them to strangers but equally I don't want him in the hands of an abuser.

OP posts:
lookatyourwatchnow · 03/05/2017 21:32

I am a social worker. No OP, school won't log it as a first incident. They will call SS. Hope your friend does not work in my DC's school, she is talking shit.

SS will complete a S47 investigation, your nephew will have a child protection medical examination to determine how the bruise was caused. The outcome of this will determine what happens next. Do not wait until tomorrow. How on earth do you know he is safe tonight? He's just a little boy who has come to you and told you his father assaulted him. What else can he or should he do? He's a kid who can't protect himself. You can

Original poster
wordlemcfuddle · 03/05/2017 21:32

Thanks @PollytheDolly

To everyone threatening to report etc I am here for advice I want the best for my nephew. He is definitely safe right now please rest assured of that.

OP posts:
PhyllisNights · 03/05/2017 21:32

I won't sleep well tonight until I know that this incident has been reported.

MammaTJ · 03/05/2017 21:32

I get that this is hard for you and might involve you falling out with your sister and maybe your mum, but you do need to do more than trust the school to pickup on it and deal with it.

I am saying this with absolute understanding and support, knowing that it is hard, but Baby P dies because everyone thought someone else was dealing with things and they let him down.

More important that falling out with people who are your family, is protecting this boy, who is also your family. You are the only person who realises that he needs real help.

Ultimately, you may also be protecting them, from being in prison for killing him, just like Baby P.

SexualFlexual · 03/05/2017 21:33

Yes - you can report anonymously - OP I have done it (for a shaken baby).

However, if that child is going to be near his father tonight I believe you need to call the police and report as the father seems totally out of control - hitting a kid whilst he's asleep for breaking something earlier in the day.

SingaSong12 · 03/05/2017 21:33

I'm sure this is hard. I agree with PP and urge you to take action.

www.gov.uk/report-child-abuse

Has links to find your local social services, NSPCC details. You think the school have picked up on something but it may not be as full a disclosure as to you. Sometimes things are cumulative. Social services and police will take this seriously.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 03/05/2017 21:33

You need to report. Fuck the ramifications. Your nephew is being abused. ACTUALLY ABUSED. No, punching a child so hard they bruise is not normal. Doing it whilst they sleep is not normal!
My DD would be covered if it was as she has broken quite a few things!

SexualFlexual · 03/05/2017 21:35

wordle It's not just about safety now, it's about getting evidence - and starting the ball rolling now so he is safer soon - it's not just about guaranteeing safety now, it's about tomorrow and the next day.

He may be safe now (if his father is nowhere near him), but it sounds like his mum didn't act on this either- how is he safe with her?

If you know he is safe now it's a good time for them to put measures in place for his safety tomorrow and the next day.

Any other children?

Crankycunt · 03/05/2017 21:35

In the nicest possible way, this isn't about you. This is about a little boy who is a punching bag.

Phone the police and ss now.

Thegiantofillinois · 03/05/2017 21:35

The other thing is, if school have seen a bruise on his leg, unless the child says anything about it, it could be from a fall. There are places which suggests deliberate abuse, but legs tend to collect bruises. Dd currently has one the size of a small planet on her outer thigh; she fell off a log. From knee to ankle c as n just look l like everyday clumsiness.

Helloitsme88 · 03/05/2017 21:36

How old is your nephew? How is his behaviour at school.
It may be likely they have logged previous incidents.
Child protection will be involved. I would also make sure the teacher has been informed who can then speak to the designated safeguarding leader in the school and they will decide what next steps are.
I would sleep on it (if you know he's safe) and discuss next step options.
Calling nspcc may help clarify your thoughts and get some info you want.

lookatyourwatchnow · 03/05/2017 21:37

You can't be sure that your nephew will tell a teacher. How can you think about just leaving this? If you do, you are prioritising yourself and your relationship with your sister and her partner over a child who has been physically abused.

Gallavich · 03/05/2017 21:37

Please don't report it anonymously. Anonymous reports are crap especially if a police investigation is necessary.

SexualFlexual · 03/05/2017 21:37

Sleep on it?

You have to be fucking joking? He hit a child whilst the child was asleep hard enough for it to have bruised and there is absolutely no guarantee anyone else has recognised it has happened.

No wonder kids die from abuse in their families with attitudes like this.

Fruitcorner123 · 03/05/2017 21:37

This happened to the child at night when he slept and presumably he is in bed now. He may be terrified and is probably at risk. That is why people are responding as they are with such urgency. No-one is blaming you or suggesting they wouldn't feel devastated and confused if this happened in their family but we are urging you to act now not wait and see what happens or find out more info. That's social services job. They will find out what they need to know and act upon it. If there's more to the story they will discover it.

Thingsthatmakeugoummmm · 03/05/2017 21:38

It's very likely that as he has a visible injury and has made a disclosure then a police officer (plain clothes and specialist in working with children) and social worker will visit him at school. They will ask him questions in age appropriate way. They will then decide what action needs to be taken.

PollytheDolly · 03/05/2017 21:39

I'd be inclined to report to the police whilst he is safe with your mum and away from him.

Also thinking about the sister too here.

Would this speed things up so that something happens before he is back with the father? (Question to others that know the process?)

Thingsthatmakeugoummmm · 03/05/2017 21:39

Happy for you to PM me.

Thingsthatmakeugoummmm · 03/05/2017 21:40

If reported to police, it would lead to referral to SS

SexualFlexual · 03/05/2017 21:42

I also can't believe you mother is covering up abuse of a child because she's worried that your sister is going to stop talking to her.

PhyllisNights · 03/05/2017 21:42

In hindsight, any family would look back on this incident and appreciate that there was some intervention to save the child. And if they don't? They're not worth knowing.

lalalalyra · 03/05/2017 21:43

No wonder kids die from abuse in their families with attitudes like this.

Children also end up at risk of more harm when things are handled badly.

When I was 6 a teacher and SW went to town on my father over a mark. Except they jumped too quick, rushed in and didn't have a proper plan. In the end they had to fucking apologise despite the fact they knew he'd inflicted the injury, but they couldn't prove it. Who do you think paid the price in the next school holidays?

The OP isn't suggesting she does nothing. She wants to help in the best way for her nephew, which might be in an anonymous way that doesn't isolate him from his grandmother and aunt.

People need to give her a time to think. People need more than an hour to process shit like this. Her nephew is safe right now, the OP has said so, so give her a chance to get all her thoughts out and make a plan.

Hateloggingin · 03/05/2017 21:44

Please report.

If you're worried about him being looked after my strangers couldn't you step in? Much further down the line I'm sure, but he could potentially stay with you or other, safe, family? Better even strangers than abuse surely?

SexualFlexual · 03/05/2017 21:45

People need to give her a time to think.

Not being funny, but this happened 24 hours ago - it needs to be acted on now.

It's not up to the OP to decide how things should be handled, it's up to the police and social services. There's already at least two adults who haven't reported this when they should have (the mum, and the grandma).

Fruitcorner123 · 03/05/2017 21:45

People who are saying they will report are not threatening you op. That is the only right thing to do. He has told you that his father attacked him while he slept. Can you see any other course of action? How old is the little boy? Please report this urgently.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.