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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to buy DH dinner from Wholefoods and let him think I made it?

340 replies

whatafaff · 03/05/2017 09:39

I'm a SAHM to 3 school age DC so you would think I have loads of time. On Tuesdays though, I'm not in at all because after dropping the younger DD at school for 8.30, I'm then in a course 9.15-1pm. Then I have to get to the school for DD's Suzuki violin lesson which I have to go to as well as her between 2-2.30pm. Then I'm hanging round for her to come out at 3.30 because the school is in a busy part of London and if you're not there for 3pm you can't park.
We get in for 4pm and the 2 DS' arrive home around 5pm. They all need to have had dinner, get changed and out again by 5.50 latest as they're in a performance choir which they love and insist on going to and the traffic can make it tricky to get there for 6.30. I then wait for them for an hour and we're home for 8pm.

DH is on a "clean eating" diet at the mo in preparation for some event or other. DD is a fussy eater anyway (always has been) so in that hour between 4-5, I tend to have to make her some variation in what the boys are having and I just don't have time to do the meat, veg etc as DH wants it. Plus I'm vegetarian and prefer not to eat after 6pm.

Yesterday I was in Wholefoods and you can basically buy cold roast chicken, roast sweet potato, really nice veg etc exactly how I would make it anyway. I just bought 2 boxes of it, put in on a tray with foil over on a low heat and he was none the wiser. I didn't tell him I'd actually cooked it, but he presumed I had. Tuesday is the day he gets in early at about 6.15 so he can train and he knows I'll be out with the DC.

AIBU to do this regularly and just be done with it under the circumstances?

OP posts:
ThymeLord · 03/05/2017 13:17

Good grief, of course people are in a better mood after they've eaten but they don't need to be served breakfast in bed by the bloody maid!

TanteRose · 03/05/2017 13:17

And if he so, he should be sorting any and all "hobby" shit for himself, not asking you to cater for the clean eating etc.

DissonantInterval · 03/05/2017 13:19

Can you have a 'family meeting?' To discuss food and cooking? If you enjoy making the family breakfast in bed then that's fine but if you would like changes to be made, then I think a good old chat with everyone would be good.

What about buying a simple cook book (the Jamie 30 min one is good because the majority of recipes are healthy and delicious and instructions are clear). You can even get videos of you tube and work through the processes together. DH sounds to be involved with the DC, so how about suggesting that over the weekend he and they ALL cook a family meal together? The DC will probably be really proud when everyone enjoys the results and success tends to breed enthusiasm and wanting to do more. A talk needn't be accusatory - just simply saying responsibility for cooking sometimes needs not to be solely yours and that everyone needs to be able to cook good, simple, nutritious meals.

cornflakegirl · 03/05/2017 13:19

Breakfast in bed?!

My DH is a SAHD while I work full time. He does the majority of the shopping and cooking, as well as ferrying the kids to their activities. I've started eating more healthily in the last year - basically eating more veg. I either buy this myself when doing a top-up shop, or I write what I want on the shopping list. I cook the veg that I take to work for my lunch. If we're having extra veg with a meal, DH will cook it.

Could you just all eat what DH is having on Tuesdays (and on other days too, if it's not too boring)? Just do some pasta with it?

Original poster
whatafaff · 03/05/2017 13:20

What I do is I get up early with the cats and make myself a mega coffee. I tend to do porridge with fruit or an egg-related thing and when it's ready it's ready, so rather than shout them all down, I take it into the rooms. I take DH coffee as well.
The kitchen is in the basement. DH and DD are in the first floor and the boys are in the top of the house, so yes, I probably am mental to be traipsing up and down 3 flights of stairs as if it's a hotel. I don't know if other people do this?

OP posts:
Amiawful23 · 03/05/2017 13:21

Well none of us on this thread do it. I sometimes make my DH porridge if I'm already making it for DS. If not then he gets himself cereal.

I wouldn't dream of taking him breakfast in bed unless he was ill.

TanteRose · 03/05/2017 13:22

I don't know what to say...other than, you should he the one entering the Iron Man contest - you must have amazing leg muscles going up and down the stairs Grin

ThymeLord · 03/05/2017 13:22

Of course other people don't do that.

TanteRose · 03/05/2017 13:22

*be the one

BoboChic · 03/05/2017 13:23

I did breakfast in bed for DD for years.

TanteRose · 03/05/2017 13:24

How old are your DCs?
I agree with Dissonant up thread - time for a family meeting

Jackiebrambles · 03/05/2017 13:24

My parents take it in turns to make the other one a coffee/tea of a morning. They've always done that. But I don't know anyone else who makes their kids or DH breakfast in bed every day?

Honestly my mind is boggled by this.

My kids are younger but the draw of breakfast downstairs is enough to get them dressed and out of their rooms of a morning. They'd never get out their rooms if i brought the food up!

notomatoes · 03/05/2017 13:25

No. Other people do not do this.

If I am up early I will make DP a cup of tea. Occasionally as a treat I will make him breakfast in bed. He is just as likely to do this for me though.

When did you last get breakfast in bed?

Original poster
whatafaff · 03/05/2017 13:28

DS1 is 13, DS2 is 11, DD is 8. DH is 44 and I'm 40.

OP posts:
DirtyChaiLatte · 03/05/2017 13:28

Maybe the breakfast in bed should be a treat like it is for most people, at long as he reciprocates himself once in a while.

Do you do these things because you love them and want to do nice things for them or is it because you feel you should and then you resent him for it?

TisapityshesaGeordie · 03/05/2017 13:30

Are you MiddleAgedMonty's wife OP?

Orangetoffee · 03/05/2017 13:30

Another one of these men who manage to do extreme challenges but 'can't' cook or look after themselves at home.

And breakfast in bed is only for special occassions in our house.

DirtyChaiLatte · 03/05/2017 13:31

Does he do selfless, considerate things for you? Just to make you feel better or because he loves you?

ThymeLord · 03/05/2017 13:31

Do you want to put a stop to it OP? We are at page 7 now and you haven't actually said very much.

Jackiebrambles · 03/05/2017 13:31

Slightly concerned about your kids thinking this is the way a normal relationship/family operates!

MaisieDotes · 03/05/2017 13:32

No... I don't bring anyone breakfast in bed- although DH brings me a cup of tea in bed every morning. He's good with making tea, I'll give him that.

I would buy the stuff from Wholefoods if it suited me. If DH asked if I had made it, I would say no.

I think in your position you probably are going to need to claw back tiny bits of time for yourself whenever and wherever you can. Short term solutions are along the lines of ready-made food.

It might be an idea to look at long term solutions too.

ThymeLord · 03/05/2017 13:32

Another one of these men who manage to do extreme challenges but 'can't' cook or look after themselves at home

Yep. Another one who needs his female partner to teach him with special cooking books and her special lady cooking skills.

Original poster
whatafaff · 03/05/2017 13:34

I can't remember when it started and nobody asked me to do this. It's my own fault. It just seemed easier. The boys leave early and go on public transport and I suppose I'm just trying to make their mornings easier.

OP posts:
TanteRose · 03/05/2017 13:35

You've got a teen?!?
I'm sorry but I really thought your DCs would all be primary school and younger.

You MUST realize that this is not a good way to go about your daily routine

ThymeLord · 03/05/2017 13:37

There's making life easier and then there's becoming the household slave. You are also modelling future relationships for your children. If they go on to have female partners in the future then this is what they will expect, and your daughter will grow up thinking that this is how women act in relationships. Like the maid.