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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Primary school have requested younger siblings don't go to parents evening

366 replies

Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 07:01

Problem with this obviously is that it means one of us can't go, and I know the other parent will feed back but it's not the same as you can't ask any questions on an as and when basis.

AIBU to think it's a bit unfair?

OP posts:
Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 13:29

kok

None of those options work.

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 03/05/2017 13:42

But that's not the school's fault.

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 13:44

It's not their fault but they want my attendance. Anyway we are going round in circles :)

OP posts:
VictoriaMcdade · 03/05/2017 13:48

They don't 'want' your attendance.

They are giving you the opportunity to attend. Unless there is a major problem, I doubt that they would care massively if you didn't turn up.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 03/05/2017 13:52

I would have loved this excuse to get out of going but since you want to go, YANBU. I think its a similar theme to the person who got her hospital appointment changed at the last minute - schools (and in that case, the NHS) demanding when parents attend and too bad if you work/have caring responsibilites/can't make it at their designated time. Parents night at my DCs secondary were torture - you were allocated 3 minutes but invariably the teachers spent more than 3 minutes with each set of parents so it ran over massively and there would be arguments about whose turn was next. Then some of the teachers would up sticks at 6pm on the dot and you couldn't even get to speak to them - they were possibly arranging to pick up their own DC and couldn't stay on though to be fair. I wonder what the point of them is really? If your DC has a problem, then it needs addressing outside parents night. So for younger DC, parents night would possibly be better as an open/non appointment social night where DC could show off their work to their parents and their siblings. I'm glad mine are (nearly) all over.

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 13:56

It's not their fault but they want my attendance. Anyway we are going round in circles :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 13:57

My internet is playing up. Victoria they put a fair bit of pressure on you to attend.

OP posts:
MyCalmX · 03/05/2017 14:03

Thankfully dd1 school doesn't do this. I'd probably follow the rules but I would be tempted not to.

harderandharder2breathe · 03/05/2017 14:17

You can either get childcare and both go, or one of you stay at home and the other one go. It's not difficult! You're making it into a problem, not the school. You want this and don't want that. You need to be a little bit flexible here. School want someone to attend. They don't care if it's you or DH or both, they just want to be able to focus on discussing your child without small children distracting everyone, surely you want that too?

Topseyt · 03/05/2017 14:26

I am quite glad that our primary school was sensible and flexible on this, at least while mine were of that age. Otherwise, sometimes I would have been able to go and sometimes I wouldn't.

I was at times able to leave the kids at home with DH, and it was a relief to be going on my own to be honest. I think you need a sensible conversation with your DH about this. If you go to this parents' evening then he goes to the next and you alternate. Or he makes an appointment to see the teacher at a different time so that this time he looks after the children.

Secondary school, as others have said, is a whole different ball game. A string of appointments in several areas of the school, which always overrun and get out of sequence. Chaos, and my youngest is 14 now, so still there. At least I no longer have childcare to worry about though.

MsMims · 03/05/2017 15:00

The going round in circles is really just you refusing any reasonable suggestion soya

There's so many options; explain to the teacher and they can fit you in before school starts one day/ ask for a couple of appointments/ get a babysitter seeing as it's a once a year event/ share childcare amongst other parents and more. Seems that you just want to complain but not do anything to resolve the situation Confused

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 15:03

I'm not really making it into anything. I would like to attend and can't. Now okay, I won't miss anything and I can talk to the teacher another time - but then don't send pompous letters about how important it is I attend when they are the ones creating it so it is harder for me :)

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 03/05/2017 15:19

Please don't ask for a second appointment! Why do people suggest this? Angry

Topseyt · 03/05/2017 15:24

I must admit that my jaw did drop at posters suggesting a second appointment! Do they think that teachers live in schools, have no families of their own and never go home?

Sparklingbrook · 03/05/2017 15:26

I think people were just trying to help TBH. But no suggestions seem doable.
You never know, some schools might do a double appointment if not all parents are going anyway and there was a spare one.

You don't know until you ask what the school could do to help.

Topseyt · 03/05/2017 15:32

I agree that OP has not really engaged with anything, but I do remember what it was like to have no local support network myself and nobody seeming to understand why I couldn't just go to something without the younger children.

Plenty of people do think that everyone has family and close friends just around the corner, including some schools.

ADisappearingDreamOfYesterday · 03/05/2017 15:48

If you are a secondary school teacher yourself and your DH works FT, surely you are already using or have very recently used some form of childcare? Could they not cover PE, if you are insistent that you both need to go?

That solution would seem to be very obvious but no doubt you will have a reason why this can't happen. I can't square this thread at all with you being a teacher yourself. It's very odd and I don't think I'm the only one wondering why you're actually posting. It's all a bit wide eyed naïveté about the school being U and yes but yes but, whilst the situation that you both have demanding jobs with young children with no childcare whatsoever is unrealistic anyway, surely?

BollardDodger · 03/05/2017 15:56

I have never heard of anyone bringing siblings to a parents evening, is this a UK thing? It sounds nuts!
Normal round here. It sounds nuts to organise childcare for a ten minute meeting.

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 16:07

I do, yes, but it's a 4-7 and it's not on a day I have childcare arranged. Sorry, just struggling with a new TV at the moment. It's not really about not engaging with anything because the suggestions to either get a babysitter or to give the children to somebody else while we/I go in don't really work for me, sorry if that annoys anybody :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 16:10

I've explained why I've posted, Dream :)

Maybe a better question (to ask yourself, not on here) is why you post? :)

After all, if everybody posted just wanting an instant solution the message boards would grind to a halt. My post wasn't so much a "I have a problem, fix it" but more "this is the current state of affairs, I think it is unfair, do you?"

Given you're a regular poster yourself, you do of course know different types of threads, and also know that accusing a poster of not taking advice is a very quick way of starting an argument with other posters becoming harumphy and huffy with the fact that someone has politely explained their suggestion doesn't work for them.

Really, it doesn't bother me :) but it seems a bit daft to post if you know it will get you annoyed or frustrated. Of course, there are posters on here who irritate me and I think they are best avoided for ones own blood pressure, if I have a similar affect on you - and I do - then maybe just take a step back, as otherwise there's just a daft argument which we don't really want. Do we? :)

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/05/2017 16:11

It's not their fault but they want my attendance

Surely they want at least one parent attending, not necessarily both or you specifically.

I'd discuss any possible questions with the other parent and make sure that whoever goes has a small list of key questions you both want to ask.

Or skype. Does that not work for you either?

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 16:12

AFAIK there's never been a suggestion to use Skype. Do other schools use it? It perhaps hasn't reached ours yet :)

OP posts:
Lweji · 03/05/2017 16:13

See my post earlier in the thread.
Surely you could use a smart phone and could participate in the meeting while your partner is there.

FeralBeryl · 03/05/2017 16:14

I'm surprised so many of the schools mentioned allow any children Confused
I remember (when I were a lad etc) it was a definite no no for us to go along to our own parents evenings.
Same with all of my DCs - do the teachers never want to discuss attitude/friendships/concerns without little ears hearing?

OP I know it doesn't work for you at this time-but do ask a few class mums if there is a WhatsApp group, we manage to support each other on occasions like this, even if it means me staying behind for the slot following mine to snuggle a baby or two whilst the parent/s go inside.

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 16:14

It's not something I've ever personally encountered, Lweji, and much as the suggestion is appreciated, they are not needed, if you see what I mean :)

OP posts: