Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Primary school have requested younger siblings don't go to parents evening

366 replies

Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 07:01

Problem with this obviously is that it means one of us can't go, and I know the other parent will feed back but it's not the same as you can't ask any questions on an as and when basis.

AIBU to think it's a bit unfair?

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 03/05/2017 10:45

I would ask for two appointments

Shock Angry And you'd not be allowed to have two in my school. Can you imagine the can of worms that would open? Around half to two-thirds our classes have separated parents, and if they all demanded two appointments (aside from cases where there has been dv and injunctions and so forth), plus those who can't/don't want to arrange appropriate childcare, then parents evenings would go on forever.

wickerlampshade · 03/05/2017 10:46

Why on earth do both parents have to go to parents evening? would be a nightmare with a load of younger children there. I think you're being a bit precious OP. If one of you doesn't trust the other to accurately report back then you have bigger issues than parents evening.

FizzyGreenWater · 03/05/2017 11:03

Hmm I am also of the opinion that the most important thing is to get the best out of the meeting, so if you are the person who is more up to speed on what they are doing, specific issues that might need raising, then YOU should be the one going!

I do see your DH's point but if it's going to be a case of him hearing a load of stuff you know already, looking at some books and going 'oooh lovely' then you've wasted your parents evening.

At our primary they are generally pretty happy for parents to come in and see work at other times- could your DH do that?

Or - let him go to the parents evening, and you make a separate appointment for the things you want to discuss, if that's possible?

He doesn't get to 'insist' on going if responsibility for school stuff is usually left to you. If that's the case, YOU decide what the most effective use of parents' evening will be. If you think you won't get another chance to address sepcific issues and your DH is not familiar enough with the world of school to do so, then you shuld go.

Or - babysitter!

thatdearoctopus · 03/05/2017 11:07

It's actively discriminatory towards single parents.

Er, no, it's not! There are plenty of married/co-habiting parents (as in the OP's case for instance) who need to juggle these things too. And plenty of single parents who have built themselves effective support networks. In fact, I'd argue it's even more vital to make friends if you're a single parent. Can't blame the school for that one.

JustMumNowNotMe · 03/05/2017 11:12

Of course it's not discriminatory ffs! I imagine the people saying this are also the ones up in arms about not being able to take younger children along to school plays and assemblies etc.

deadringer · 03/05/2017 11:13

I have never heard of anyone bringing siblings to a parents evening, is this a UK thing? It sounds nuts!

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 11:14

I don't see why the thread is odd and as to why starting a thread on mumsnet obviously means I never accept my child is wrong I do not know!

OP posts:
ScarletSienna · 03/05/2017 11:17

Schools should be encouraging parental involvement as much as possible. Yes parents should be making every effort but so should the school.

3 schools I have taught in allow siblings etc and the fourth set up a crèche run by the head teacher and a TA.

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 11:24

dead

You aren't bringing them for the fun of it but because you need to because there might be no one else to have them.

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 03/05/2017 11:32

3 schools I have taught in allow siblings etc

I have to say that I wonder how much use the consultations were with toddlers running about in the room. It would (and has, on the odd occasion I've had to do it) certainly adversely affected my concentration as a teacher.

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 11:41

Well, having a toddler doesn't necessarily mean they are running about.

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 03/05/2017 11:43

Running about or sitting on their parent's knee babbling, interrupting and grabbing things (as all babies and toddlers do, of course), it's still very distracting when you've got a limited time-frame to discuss all you need to.

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 11:49

Well, if it's that or not coming then you'd think the former would be preferable :) Anyway it does not matter really.

OP posts:
wonkylegs · 03/05/2017 11:53

This wouldn't work at our school, I just wouldn't be able to attend.
In our case DH is never able to attend anyway because parents 'evening' is only 3-5pm and usually we only get a weeks notice, the hospital rotas just don't have that kind of flexibility, thankfully I work for myself so can be more flexible and actually go.
My parents live 300miles away and my mum has Alzheimer's so couldn't help even if she was closer, my in-laws are over an hour away but due to work commitments would also need more notice. We don't live near the school, we live rurally and our local school was full so we got allocated one in the nearest town. I know some of the parents in passing but certainly not well enough to leave my baby with them.
Thankfully our school is fairly pragmatic and go for the 'trying to encourage parents to be interested in their kids education' approach as I think they struggle for interaction at all, so wouldn't dream of putting barriers in the way of that.

thatdearoctopus · 03/05/2017 11:53

I expect that the school have made a blanket request about siblings to deter most people who do have options. I'm sure that if push came to shove, they'd make an exception.

Nutterfly · 03/05/2017 12:29

There are plenty of married/co-habiting parents (as in the OP's case for instance) who need to juggle these things too.

If you are married/co-habiting, you have two people available if there are two tasks that have to happen at the same time (sibling childcare + PE)
And you might have to juggle, but ultimately you still automatically have two people.

If you are a single parent, you always automatically only have one person available, and if it's for two tasks in two different places at once, it is always going to be a lot harder.

It's a night out, FFS

If you're a single parent without family readily available or a lot of spare cash, arranging a night out can be a big deal that you only do very rarely.

Personally, I really don't begrudge having to share a space with a small child if it makes a big difference to another parent who may have a hard time finding childcare.

HamletsSister · 03/05/2017 12:33

I think taking another child is unfair on the teacher and on the child you are discussing as well as on the child you are taking.

Unfair on the teacher - they have a lot to do without being distracted / having to deal with potentially badly behaved childred.

The child being discussed should not be discussed in front of a sibling.

The sibling might feel smug / distressed / uncomfortable and should not be put in that position. Imagine if you are the 2nd child, not doing very well at school and have to listen to the praise of your older sibling - or similar.

pickleypockley · 03/05/2017 12:38

I wish my kids school did this. My kids insist on coming but sometimes there are things I would like to say/ask that would make my children think I doubt their abilities which I do not but they would see it that way Hmm

Ragwort · 03/05/2017 12:38

My DS's secondary school doesn't have this rule (I rather wish it did Grin) - it is so distracting to go to a parents evening and have toddlers running round, babies crying etc - some families seem to treat the evening as a social outing and go along with three or four children. Hmm
It is distracting and totally off putting if you wanted to discuss anything more than hearing that your child is doing OK.

harderandharder2breathe · 03/05/2017 12:44

pickley you're the parent. Your kids don't get to insist on coming. They can whinge and you can say no.

Sparklingbrook · 03/05/2017 12:46

By the time they get to High School DH and I always go together but secretly I wish he would go on his own.
High School parents' evening is not for the faint hearted.

AnnPerkins · 03/05/2017 12:50

The fact that you want to go with your DH and you don't want to leave your toddler with someone else isn't the teacher's problem to solve. You might not think it's fair but it's a policy adopted by schools for good reason.

What would be unfair is taking your kid along when you've been asked not to and putting the teacher in a difficult position.

Kokusai · 03/05/2017 12:56

Plus the principle of it does grate: they inform us that it is so very important we come and then make it impossible for me to come!

I don't see the school making it impossible for you to go.

You are making t impossible by refusing to consider - painter, friends,, swap with other PE parent, paid for babysitting etc

thatdearoctopus · 03/05/2017 13:08

And also, your childcare arrangements are nothing to do with the school - just as they aren't on Inset Days, holidays, snow days and weekends.

Original poster
Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 13:26

kok

None of those options work.

OP posts: