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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Primary school have requested younger siblings don't go to parents evening

366 replies

Soyamilkisniceintea · 03/05/2017 07:01

Problem with this obviously is that it means one of us can't go, and I know the other parent will feed back but it's not the same as you can't ask any questions on an as and when basis.

AIBU to think it's a bit unfair?

OP posts:
PrettyGoodLife · 03/05/2017 09:23

I would be cross at that rule. Fine if you have other family in the area, but why force families to choose a parent to go it doesn't really promote family cohesion.

1AnnoyingOrange · 03/05/2017 09:26

I am surprised any school allows younger siblings to parents evening!

If you have no babysitter then ask another parent in the same situation and take turns. Or ask your OH to relay the information to you.

Headofthehive55 · 03/05/2017 09:27

Sometimes I find that teaming up with other parents works, but more often it doesn't.
I have a wide circle of friends whom I choose because I like them, not with an eye to babysitting duties!
Often I find they are busy on the night I've requested, or are already swapping with others or are at work. It's hard enough to organise play dates here as so many work.
I'd ask the school if you can see the teacher after school one night not at parents evening. Ask if you can take their work home to look at it and bring it back the next day.
Make it really quick, are they doing ok? Is there anything I need to know etc, let the teacher talk not you and then go.

Dragongirl10 · 03/05/2017 09:29

perfectly reasonable request...teachers do not need the distraction.

My DH has never attended parents evening as he works very long hours and l just relay the information...

Mulledwine1 · 03/05/2017 09:31

DS' school had a creche, and I doubt a school would mind a sleeping babe in arms.

However, as a parent, you have to accept that there are times when you have to find childcare and you simply can't take your child(ren) everywhere. This is one of them.

I see a lot of parents' evenings being attended by one parent, if only because they are not in the evening, but in the afternoon, so the other parent is probably at work, anyway.

RainbowChasing · 03/05/2017 09:31

To the twot further up the thread who commented that teachers wouldn't cope in the real world...er...teachers are flocking away from teaching to work in this "real" world that you speak of because it is better paid and better hours. But don't let that stand in the way of your ridiculous view.

To the OP, little children CAN be very disruptive during parents evenings and cause a meeting to overrun due to the time spent by the parent sorting out any issues/upsets etc. However, if you bring something with you to keep your child occupied for the ten minutes you're with the teacher then I don't think it will be a problem bringing a toddler along. Just bung the child some food or something. No one is going to banish you from the school for bringing a younger child with you.

Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes · 03/05/2017 09:39

Ours did take a sensible approach in the end, opened a spare classroom as a creche with a staff member for KS1 and younger children, KS2 allowed to hang out in the hall and library (both are thoroughfares in our school so plenty of adults about).

VictoriaMcdade · 03/05/2017 09:51

The OP has a choice. Either sort out child care or don't go. It's pretty simple and parents have to do it all the time. And yes, it is a total pain the backside when you are trying to have an in depth discussion with your child's teacher and someone else's 'adorable' toddler running up and down the corridor.

It's a choice based on how important you think the PE is. And if you have anything serious to discuss with the teach about your DC1, do you really want to be distracted by DC2?

I would not take a little one to a parents evening, because I want to concentrate on what the teacher is saying about my other child. t's one evening FFS, don't whinge, sort it out.

OwlOfBrown · 03/05/2017 09:52

Because DH may be at work but if he isn't he will want to go as all in all he goes to the school less than I do so these are important to him

Which one of you helps most with reading and homework, and deals with any other issues that arise at school? Because if it's you, then you should go. Your DH could go as well if he wants to but not instead.

I would just take the younger sibling anyway, or speak to the school in advance if you're worried and say you have no-one else to look after the toddler. IME schools say things like this to try to encourage people to leave siblings behind if they can but do understand that for some it really isn't possible.

Bear in mind though, that as they get older, it really isn't always appropriate for one sibling to be listening to another's parents evening discussion, and that this may also be what they're trying to avoid.

GColdtimer · 03/05/2017 09:53

In all honesty, I find the 5 minute slot you get at a primary parents evening pretty fairly uninformative. My DH has never come because he is always working. There is no time to cover anything in great depth so I don't think one parent is missing out on not going. I find if you have anything serious to discuss you should make an appointment outside of the parent evenings where you will have more time.

But I agree a blanket ban is unreasonable - they really should just say "please make alternative arrangements for younger siblings where possible".

PuddleTrouble · 03/05/2017 09:55

Do people really expect the PTA to arrange a crèche? The PTA that is usually the same 6-7 mums who organise every other event at school. Paying a TA or two to do it would be the way to go.

AlexanderHamilton · 03/05/2017 09:56

That would not have been possible for me. When dd was younger dh was a teacher working away from home often. He couldn't attend & so if I hadn't been able to take her younger brother, neither would I have.

Once ds reached the age of 3 & attended the same school nursery/reception class he went into aftercare which always ran on parents evenings.

ArcheryAnnie · 03/05/2017 09:57

It's actively discriminatory towards single parents. Either single parents incur a charge (babysitting costs) to attend the parents' evening that couples don't, or single parents cannot go at all, either because they cannot find childcare or because they cannot afford it.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 03/05/2017 09:59

we've always seen primary parents evening as a one-man job. surprised that this isn't the general feeling.

Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes · 03/05/2017 10:09

It's normal for both parents to go at my DCs school.

Butterymuffin · 03/05/2017 10:14

If a few parents agreed to run the crèche between them it wouldn't cost anyone. In fact you'd only need two. But apparently OP knows for a fact she is the only parent in this situation so it's not worth trying that. Hmm

You've been incredibly 'yes, but' on this thread OP. For every solution you've found a problem. Guess you're stuck then.

HuckfromScandal · 03/05/2017 10:20

And this is why I would never be a teacher,
bloody hell - you are BU - but no no no no - are you willing to accept that....

I suspect you are also the type of parent who cant possibly accept that anything that happens could also possibly be your child's fault...

I am a single parent - I arranged another parent to look after my 2 when I went to parents evening, they then did the same for me, we even had back to back appointments - in and out in less than half an hour.

What a lot of stress about nothing...

AlexanderHamilton · 03/05/2017 10:24

That's fine huck if you are friendly enough with another parent to be able to ask that.

AlexanderHamilton · 03/05/2017 10:27

That's fine huck if you are friendly enough with another parent to be able to ask that.

Lweji · 03/05/2017 10:27

Do you have a smart phone?

I'd use skype/facetime/whatever if having another parent there is that important to you.

We do this stuff at work all the time, surely it can be done for parents' evenings too. :)

AnnieAnoniMouse · 03/05/2017 10:28

Soy book an adult (not teenage) babysitter. Your 3 year old will cope for a couple of hours.

You have the knack of creating mountains out of molehills, it's no wonder you get so angry & stressed about pretty much everything you post about.

elliejjtiny · 03/05/2017 10:31

We have a no children rule at our boys school. We don't have childcare so dh goes and tells me how it went afterwards.

NoSquirrels · 03/05/2017 10:38

Tell your DH why you'd like to go on this occasion. He can go next time.

Oldraver · 03/05/2017 10:41

I suppose it depends on the school...DS's is very small around 100 pupils and you wait in the hall where you can see your childs work until you are called in. There is always the head in the hall and they dont seem to mind other children in there.

I would ask for two appointments

Lweji · 03/05/2017 10:43

I didn't even go to my DS's last parent evening, because I was working.
As it was, I got a report from another parent (they don't do private sessions).

IME, these evenings are useless and I hear the same complaints about the class and the same comments about my child.

Well, not this time, strictly. There was an issue with the school. A few parents got together, put pressure on the school and the council and it was sorted withing days. :)