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Original poster

If opportunity presented itself would you send your DC to boarding school?

515 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 02/05/2017 14:55

My DP is public / boarding school educated. I'll be honest and admit I was shocked as fuck when I found this out. He's now something of a very high flier with views I don't necessarily share but we work it out nonetheless.

On the subject of our future dc he said he'd be happy for them to board. I don't agree with this largely because I think I'd miss them too much.

Do you think you'd send your dc to boarding school given the chance?
I'm not really able to say why I disagree with it other than I would like to see them every night and tuck them in, do homework, have dinner and so forth.

Dp looks at me like Hmm when I say this. He says of course I can have all that but I think he just wants them to have what he had and as he says he hasn't turned out too bad; he's right - he hasn't.

OP posts:
Sunshineandlaughter · 02/05/2017 20:46

I knew someone would get their knickers in twist - I gave my opinion. It's an opinion which is what the op was canvassing. If your opinion is different that's great. Me having that opinion does not mean I am saying that anyone that sends their child to boarding school doesn't love their child! Just that for me love is keeping the child at home and nurtured until an age they are ready to be independent. If you think yours are ready at 7 or 11 or have different views that'd fine but don't take my words as a personal attack as they weren't directed at anyone. Love for me is about cuddles and intimacy and knowing how my child is feeling from a look. If love for someone else is sending their child away to be schooled that's their bag!
For what it's worth I went to a state school (and not even a great one) and got a first class honours from oxford - im just not of the view that boarding school is the only way to achieve things in life. If you have to board because of armed forces or living in the falkands etc then you have to. Every family is different.

Really op people's opinions on here are worthless - all that matters is what you and your husband want to do

Chavelita · 02/05/2017 20:50

God, no. I know far too many Old Etonians.

sheepskinshrug · 02/05/2017 20:51

Primary definitely no - Secondary if they really, really wanted to. Post 16 if dh's career required it and they were happier with the boarding school in our town rather than moving with us. But we have a good relationship with our dcs, so I'm not looking to get rid of them any time soon.

limon · 02/05/2017 20:55

There would be no way on earth I would send dd to boarding school.

Allthewaves · 02/05/2017 20:58

No. Kids aren't kids very long, even the grumbly teen years i want to be part of it.

scaryteacher · 02/05/2017 20:58

Perhaps then Sunshine you shouldn't have put loved in bold - as it was a dig. I know how my ds (21) is from a look, or by how he sounds on the phone, despite him having boarded at sixth form, and having been at university for the best part of three years.

Incidentally, many of the boarders at his state sixth form were from the Falklands as there is no sixth form provision there. Perhaps they don't love their kids either. You'll note the word state there? Boarding isn't just private, the state provides boarding at secondary and sixth form.

Trifleorbust · 02/05/2017 20:58

I couldn't. 6-8 weeks at a time without seeing my child would kill me.

greathat · 02/05/2017 21:02

No, if you have kids you raise them yourself. You don't ship them off and not see them. The parent needs to be the main adult in a child's life. The thought of it makes me feel terrible

Sunshineandlaughter · 02/05/2017 21:02

Scary - you have a chip on your shoulder... no one made a dig at you. You took offence perhaps because of how your feeling over your son rather than because I said something out of order - I didn't. Saying I want my child to feel loved more than anything else as a priority was my opinion

Sunshineandlaughter · 02/05/2017 21:04

I know exactly which college your child was at and you don't have to feel guilty as it's excellent and has excellent pastoral care. It's also the one I went to. A 17/18 year old is not a 7/11 year old.

aliceinwanderland · 02/05/2017 21:12

Aside from the question as to whether parents who send their kids to board love them, there is the question as to what effect it gas. For me it led to a weird sense of living two different lives and I found adjusting between them very hard. I still have a sense of impermanence which I think is due to packing my things up every couple of months and never knowing which room I was going to be sleeping in that trrm/year. As well as a whole host of other effects. It wasn't wholly bad and I am very very resilient but at a cost.

aliceinwanderland · 02/05/2017 21:13

Effect it has......

AmeliaLion · 02/05/2017 21:13

No way. My shared childhood is with my siblings. Relationships with my parents and siblings are built not on 'quality time', but on 'natter time'. Random chattering with mum cooking tea, sister on the walk home from the bus stop, brother on how the football team should line up this weekend and arguing with stepdad over suitable clothing. I wouldn't deny my children any of that if I could help it.

pennypickle · 02/05/2017 21:16

if one of them, as a teenager, was offered a place at a school to support a particular specialised skill and distance made boarding the only option - and they really wanted to go - we'd consider it. As a run of the mill school experience, no

This. If it was dc's choice so that they could gain vast knowledge that would greatly benefit their future career I would consider it. Otherwise no - not just for basic educational purposes.

littlepooch · 02/05/2017 21:16

No way.

I would have hated it if my parents had sent me. Absolutely hated it.

nick8051 · 02/05/2017 21:17

I was sent away aged 9 and am still overcoming the problems this caused at 46. So no. I would not send my child to board. Also for scientific evidence it is worth looking into work by Nick Duffell and other leading psychologists in this field, who have proven the long term trauma this can cause

concernedhsp · 02/05/2017 21:22

Nope - no way. A few friends with very bad experiences...

Plus I would miss them way too much.

AtlantaGinandTonic · 02/05/2017 21:22

Someone asked something about whether or not children are sent to boarding school at a young age. My stepdad was born in Kenya to an Indian family. When he was five he was packed off to a boarding school in India. He hardly ever saw his parents. He didn't have a good time of it. Sad

SarcasmMode · 02/05/2017 21:29

I boarded from 13+ due to my disability (outing but going to NC).

Some great bits, some shitty bits.

If my child was in secondary education and really wanted to then I'd let them. But I would miss them and worry about them.

I met DH at said school and he is quite emotionally distant, especially from his family.

I guess just like everything else, it affects people in different ways.

DianaMitford · 02/05/2017 21:36

There are some absolutely ridiculous responses on here. Boarding school is like anything in life - will suit some, won't suit others. How successful an experience it is depends upon the child, the school, the context and reason for going.

I have one dd who flexi-boarded from the age of 6, loved it and became a weekly boarder at 13 at her senior school. Definitely works for her and openly says if she were offered the chance to be a day girl she wouldn't do it.

I have another dd who tried flexi-boarding, didn't like it and certainly won't go on to board. She'll go to the same private school but will be a day girl because she's a real homebird.

Describing all boarding as "barbaric" is absurd.

Rantymare · 02/05/2017 21:36

Nope. My ex was boarding school educated, different country to parents. Ex MIL used to often tell me what a great time her children had. He's told me of the times his sister used to have to be sent to his room to cry... he's an alcoholic and so is one of his sisters. His other sister brings it up often and is very critical of her Mother's reluctance to listen to her begging to be taken out.
I know times have changed. But unless it was a case of scholarships etc, and the child wanted to, no. I most definitely wouldn't 'send' them.

motherofdaemons · 02/05/2017 21:38

I would consider it at secondary age but only if the school was close enough that they could come home every weekend. My kid/s would have to be absolutely desperate to go and it would have to be an amazing school that offered something that they could never get as a day student closer to home.

MsJudgemental · 02/05/2017 21:40

Nope.

dairymilkmonster · 02/05/2017 21:41

Depends on age (primary age no, 13+ maybe), personality and situation. My good friend boarded years 10-13 and loved it. Similarly dsis boarded for sixth form when my parents went abroad ( she didnt want to go with them, wanted to stay with friends) and i was at uni. Again, loved it. But these are teens who chose the option and knew they could back out if they wanted ro.

areyoubeingserviced · 02/05/2017 22:09

Absolutely not.

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