Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be resentful of DH after only a week of sharing a bedroom again?

137 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 02/05/2017 01:01

For the last 18 months or so me and DH have had separate bedrooms for various reasons and it has been heavenly.

We would spend our evenings together, move to his room for film/tv/sex/chilling or whatever and then when it came to going to bed I would head off to my room.

However, I'm now pregnant with DC2 and to cut a long story short, to make way for our upcoming arrival me and DH are now back in the same bedroom and it's driving me MAD!

He moved into 'my' room about a week ago and I'm finding the transition back to sharing a room at night really difficult. The first night we shared the room again I ended up migrating to our toddlers room at about 2am because I just couldn't cope with DH's tossing, turning and snoring.

Since that first night he's spent a further two nights on the sofa because he knows he's keeping me awake at night.

It's currently 00.50am and I'm wide awake drinking a cup of tea after DH has yet again made his way to the sofa because I find it impossible to sleep when he's next to me. His snoring is so irritating, he makes loads of annoying sleep noises and even the sound of his loud heavy sleeping breathing grates on me. I lie awake, tired but unable to sleep and I feel myself just getting more and more annoyed.

Every now and then tonight he'd stir, realise I was still awake and say, "How come you aren't asleep darling?" and I would feel like screaming.

I miss my own space, I miss being able to have early nights if I want them, I miss being able to sit up and read a book if I want to and I miss being able to fall asleep in the peace and quiet and know I'm going to have a restful sleep.

I'm actually having to take 2 hourly naps in the afternoon now to make up for the fact that I can't sleep at night now we're room sharing again. I'm so tired.

I'm pretty sure he's missing having his own room too and I think he feels bad that he's preventing me from getting a good night sleep anymore.

I can't bear the thought of this being long-term. I obviously love the bones of DH but I just can't see how this is going to work. Perhaps I should give it more time for me to get used to sharing again and hope I can learn to drown out all his fidgeting and snoring but I'm worried it's just going to cause arguments and rifts between us.

Sorry for the long post, I'm just exhausted and frustrated and needed to rant Sad

OP posts:
WildBelle · 02/05/2017 01:04

Sounds like it's not working for you! I can relate, blokes are generally bloody annoying to sleep next to. Can you not keep the old arrangement and have the dc sharing a room when the baby gets to that age?

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/05/2017 01:05

There are things you can do about a lot of it. White noise, earplugs, face mask for him so you can read. Go to bed early if you want; why wouldn't you?

But you might just not want to share a bed and that's a whole different kettle of fish.

MommaGee · 02/05/2017 01:08

Presumably your in a 3 bed? Is there room in one room for the cot? Just sleep in there and when baby comes it comes it with you. Baby doesn't need own room till they're at least 6 months so depending on your current gestation that buys you time.

In the meanwhile get him to go to the doctors to see if anything is causing the snoring etc. Take from there

X

MommaGee · 02/05/2017 01:10

Also why can't you go top bed early? He's keeping you awake so him waking you can't be worse.
Buy a book light
Ear plugs will be difficult with a DC to listen out fir but white noise might help

seoulsurvivor · 02/05/2017 01:11

My husband generally sleeps in the living room these days. I can't deal with his constant tossing and turning and snoring.

toffeeboffin · 02/05/2017 01:11

Can't you just sleep your old room?

Teabagtits · 02/05/2017 01:16

I'm lying awake listening to my oh snore merrily without a care in the world. I wish we had a spare room for one of us to go sleep in. I'm 32 weeks pregnant so the settee is or for me and earplugs give me skin infections :( Thankfully I have insomnia and restless legs to also keep me awake so I can't blame it all on him. Sorry I have no solutions other than share a room with the new baby to get a sleep

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 02/05/2017 01:16

Our house is three storey and the bedrooms are spread out over two floors. My bedroom is on the top floor with DS's bedroom and DH's bedroom was on the middle floor opposite the living room.

Our living room is actually really tiny and was crammed with DS's toys and there is just no way we had space to accommodate baby things too so DH's room has now been transformed/redecorated into a second living room/playroom which to be honest had to be done because we need the space.

To the previous poster who asked: of course I can still have an early night but what's the point seeing as DH would have to come to bed at some point where he'd inevitably wake me up and then I would be back to square one of me lying awake listening to him snore Sad

I will suggest him going to the doctors though as the snoring is just unbelievable at times. Even when we slept on separate floors I could still always hear his snoring.

OP posts:
Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 02/05/2017 01:21

teabag - I'm also suffering with restless legs and it's a nightmare. If I was in my own bed I would be able to fidget and stretch to mu hearts content but I can't now because of DH being in with me and I don't want to wake him. The reason he's on the sofa now is because he heard me getting up to go and sleep on the sofa myself and he said that as I'm pregnant then I should have the bed.

It's pretty miserable for both of us really. In our second living room (what was DH's bedroom) we have a sofa and I might suggest we replace it with a sofa bed.....

OP posts:
melj1213 · 02/05/2017 01:23

Can't you sleep in your own rooms and have the baby in with you in a cot when they're born?

Then when they're old enough for their own room, would you be able to deal with DH if you had separate beds (either apart or next to each other) to combat the disturbance from fidgeting and then something like a white noise machine to combat the noises?

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/05/2017 01:26

Two living rooms and you are driving each other to distraction?

Rethink.

scottishdiem · 02/05/2017 01:27

I think its harsh and unreasonable to feel resentful to be honest. If this is something that needed to be done as you have both opted to reduce the amount of space available for your previous living arrangements (by having another child - I presume you thought the consequences through of this) then you knew that whatever drove you to be in different rooms would return. Your DH is, frankly, heroic for upping sticks and moving to the sofa to cope with your sleeping problems.

Is there space in your bedroom for two single beds or one of those large beds with two mattresses on it? If you can reduce the disturbances down to one thing (the snoring) the rest will be less angst inducing.

Mind you, look on the bright side. Soon this wont matter as your new baby will be keeping you awake all the time anyway.

DoItTooJulia · 02/05/2017 01:30

Is there space In your bedroom for you to have two beds? One each plus the cot?

Toadinthehole · 02/05/2017 01:30

It's pretty shit, having to sleep on the sofa.

gluteustothemaximus · 02/05/2017 01:35

OP, have same issue. Our solution was a sofa bed in the lounge. A really decent one suitable for every night. Best thing ever, couldn't afford it so dfs kindly gave us credit Grin

The kids have small rooms each, and d'baby sleeps in with me.

DH is much happier, and I love my little sleeping partner who doesn't snore occasionally farts

Unfortunately can still hear him snoring downstairs as he's so loud! But mostly I get sleep.

Be honest. Communicate. Find a solution. Sleep is important, for everyone.

Good luck! X

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 02/05/2017 01:35

......then you knew that whatever drove you to be in different rooms would return.

I think 18 months of sleeping separately made me forget just how bad his snoring was.

I just feel guilty towards him too because my restless legs and insomnia is awful and I'm so aware of not wanting to keep him awake at night. Before, my constant need to stretch out my legs and wiggle my feet around and change position every 10 seconds wasn't a problem because I wasn't disturbing anyone, but now that I'm so mindful of him I am lying in bed in pain because I'm too worried about moving too much as I don't want to wake him. Tonight the inability to not be able to address my restless leg issues is what led me to head towards the sofa myself tonight because trying to lie still in bed was unbearable.

I had it when pregnant with DS too so DH knows how much I suffer with it at night so he tells me not to worry about disturbing him but naturally I still worry about it and I don't want to keep him awake.

OP posts:
Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 02/05/2017 01:38

We already have a king size bed and it's not the presence that annoys me, I actually really liked feeling him next to me again, it's just the noise. We could easily fit two separate single beds into our room but it won't solve anything as it won't make any difference to his snoring and that's what keeps me awake.

I will try ear plugs though as has been previously suggested, it can only help.

OP posts:
9unctured6icycle · 02/05/2017 01:40

I feel for you. My DH falls asleep within seconds and once the snoring starts I will stay up for hours getting angrier and more irritated because I know it is a lost cause, there's almost no point going to bed. There is something so grating about that noise, I do hate it (though when awake DH is my favourite person).
This is debilitating enough as is but cannot imagine it preggo. I would end up in prison. :-)
He has had a word with his GP has a steroid nasal spray. Worth a try? It does seem to be helping a bit. And he must be booze-moderate, more than a pint or so wakes the monster.
Aside from that it is wax earplugs for me (fyi they are much better imo at blocking noise than foam and they don't hurt my ears) and one of those little sleep noise machines for babies. I don't love white noise but the ocean sound setting is good.
Good luck and much sympathy to you.

KickAssAngel · 02/05/2017 01:46

My DH snores so much, and I also hate sharing a bed with him. when we go on holiday and have a 2-bed hotel room, I often end up sleeping next to DD. Even though we're still in the same room I can just about switch off from the snoring as it doesn't quite vibrate quite so much when we're a few feet apart. It makes just enough difference that I can get to sleep.

TeacherAndFeminist · 02/05/2017 01:58

You're the one doing all the hard work here, carrying a child to term.

Create a solution that works for you and lay down the law on it. If he refuses he's causing you undue stress.

Find the furthest place away where you can't him him snore and send him to sleep there.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 02/05/2017 01:59

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I just feel sad that it's happening as part of me was really looking forward to sharing again but after just a week I've been reminded of how intolerable it was Sad

I will speak to him about it tomorrow and see what solutions we can come up with because otherwise things are going to be really strained between us and I definitely don't want that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 02/05/2017 02:02

Find the furthest place away where you can't him him snore and send him to sleep there.

I could send him to the lower floor and make him sleep in the kitchen? I obviously never would but the imagery of it did put a smile on my face amidst all my misery Smile

Thankfully DH is amazing and would never want to jeopardise my sleep (I'm having a really crappy pregnancy too) so I know he's understanding but it's still a really horrible situation for us both.

OP posts:
user1491572121 · 02/05/2017 02:03

I notice you call the bedroom "my bedroom" still but DH's "Was" on the second floor.

So in your mind, the room is still "yours" but DH's is gone.

I think you need to adjust your attitude. You seem quite intolerant.

He can't help tossing and turning. Get two beds.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 02/05/2017 02:12

user

In my previous post I said "We could easily fit two separate single beds into our room....."

So I'm not sure how I'm still calling it my room?

OP posts:
NightWanderer · 02/05/2017 02:16

Is he overweight? My dad used to snore really loudly but stopped once he lost the weight.

Swipe left for the next trending thread