To be resentful of DH after only a week of sharing a bedroom again?

[Writerwannabe83]

For the last 18 months or so me and DH have had separate bedrooms for various reasons and it has been heavenly.

We would spend our evenings together, move to his room for film/tv/sex/chilling or whatever and then when it came to going to bed I would head off to my room.

However, I'm now pregnant with DC2 and to cut a long story short, to make way for our upcoming arrival me and DH are now back in the same bedroom and it's driving me MAD!

He moved into 'my' room about a week ago and I'm finding the transition back to sharing a room at night really difficult. The first night we shared the room again I ended up migrating to our toddlers room at about 2am because I just couldn't cope with DH's tossing, turning and snoring.

Since that first night he's spent a further two nights on the sofa because he knows he's keeping me awake at night.

It's currently 00.50am and I'm wide awake drinking a cup of tea after DH has yet again made his way to the sofa because I find it impossible to sleep when he's next to me. His snoring is so irritating, he makes loads of annoying sleep noises and even the sound of his loud heavy sleeping breathing grates on me. I lie awake, tired but unable to sleep and I feel myself just getting more and more annoyed.

Every now and then tonight he'd stir, realise I was still awake and say, "How come you aren't asleep darling?" and I would feel like screaming.

I miss my own space, I miss being able to have early nights if I want them, I miss being able to sit up and read a book if I want to and I miss being able to fall asleep in the peace and quiet and know I'm going to have a restful sleep.

I'm actually having to take 2 hourly naps in the afternoon now to make up for the fact that I can't sleep at night now we're room sharing again. I'm so tired.

I'm pretty sure he's missing having his own room too and I think he feels bad that he's preventing me from getting a good night sleep anymore.

I can't bear the thought of this being long-term. I obviously love the bones of DH but I just can't see how this is going to work. Perhaps I should give it more time for me to get used to sharing again and hope I can learn to drown out all his fidgeting and snoring but I'm worried it's just going to cause arguments and rifts between us.

Sorry for the long post, I'm just exhausted and frustrated and needed to rant

Sorry forgot to add, I would go with two single beds tbh.
You would avoid being disturbed by each other fidgeting. Noise from snoring could be reduced with ear plugs.

You need to get the snoring sorted. Send him to the GP and put him on a diet.

My dh snores too but I've never needed separate beds. I go to bed first with ear plugs and then he'll follow. Once I'm asleep his snoring doesn't wake me up.

We've got a zip link mattress and I don't feel any of DH's fidgeting/kicking/moving. He can even come to bed after me without me even noticing. It's bliss after 5 years in a rented house with a double bed.

Doesn't solve the snoring issue but might ease some of the other problems.

Hi OP. I think looking in to ways to minimise the DH's snoring is probably the way forward.

Until then though, have you thought of downloading audio books and listening to them to help you sleep? I have done this previously when I've had trouble sleeping. The story and quiet noise (i have it in headphones turned down really low, or when DH doesn't mind on very quietly under my pillow) really help distract me from other noises, twitchy legs, over active brain! Even loud noises seem to dull down when you get caught up in the story. I normally set it to play for 30 or 60 mins but am often asleep before 10 mins!

Good luck x

If you like him in the same bed a superking with zip link would give you more space to move and wriggle and you wouldn't disturb him so much so that might help.

Snoring...i hear you, I have a snorer.
Couple of things which helped recently for us;

1. A new bed with a firm mattress - this keeps his whole body straighter so his airflow is quieter
2. New pillow - hypnos latex side sleeper from soak and sleep. Perfect height for keeping his head and neck straighter which reduces the infernal racket. He still snores, but it's a much quieter, air exhalation type snore rather than the deep rattly grunting noise I was subjected to before

I also got myself a Phillips wake up light alarm clock but the thing I love is the sleep feature, it slowly dims the light over half an hour and really helps me fall asleep.

My DH went to a sleep clinic after being teased by friends for his snoring on holiday... turns out he has really severe sleep apnoea. He now has a CPAP mask most nights and everyone now gets a good nights sleep.

Oh God, we've only been in bed for 5 minutes and he's snoring away already.

Before we went to bed he asked if I wanted him to sleep on the sofa but I said no as he's clearly exhausted from having a bad nights sleep last night.

I spoke to him a little about sleep apnoea and I will keep dropping in more comments to get him to seriously consider seeing his GP about it.

He has acknowledged that this situation isn't manageable though and that we need to find a way to enable us to sleep separately.

Meanwhile I have got the spare quilt out of the airing cupboard in preparation for me heading off to find somewhere else to sleep which I think will happen quite quickly!!

Okay, so here's what I suggest -

Cocodamol
Nytol
A glass of wine

Bye bye annoying snoring.

(I'm half joking)

A nice concoction whilst pregnant

Mack's ear plugs on amazon. I now put them in as a matter of course.

However there is a knack to them, so you need to read the instructions carefully. You have to pull your ear so the canal becomes straight and be careful when removing them.

They have saved my OH life. Cos I don't kill him.....

Why are there so many men who snore???

He's actually gone quiet so I'm going to seize the opportunity to try and get some sleep as I didn't even get 4 hours last night and I'm feeling a bit exhausted!!

My husband was also diagnosed with sleep apnoea. Do speak to GP it is not good for your husbands health. Does he fall asleep during the day?

I'm lying here so greatfull that dp works away in the week . I slept on the sofa on Sunday night because of the snoring . I just get angrier and more awake while he is happily snoring his head off really feel for you op! I'd just have a makeshift bed ready in the spare room if you can

Just fyi, silicone earplugs have been implicated in a lot of painful ear problems seen in A& E and sometimes surgery is required: austinpublishinggroup.com/otolaryngology/fulltext/ajo-v2-id1035.php
I know they are very effective, but maybe not worth the risk.

Seperate beds might help somewhat.
Is there any option to stick up some sort of room seperator between seperate beds? Like a thick room devide? It might muffle some of the noise.
Or if you have the room, a basic stud wall is fairly easy especially if it doesn't need to actually do anything. You can do it yourself if you're ok with a saw and drill. Possibly won't be pretty and will mean changing your room layout but will effectively make an unofficial 4th room.
When we were looking for our first place we looked at a flat and much to the landlord's horror, someone had created a "bedroom" in the corner of the living room. The walls were made out of cereal boxes selotaped together with a curtain stapled to the boxes for a door. They ate a lot of rice crispies!

I have sleep apnea, specialist nurse told us its more common that type 2 diabetes, just not as well known or picked up on as most people carry on with relatively normal life.

My DP had similar issue to you with my snoring, the cpap machine I now use every night has stopped my snoring so no longer an issue.

Hope you find a solution to the snoring, good luck OP!

I agree with the posters who have said it's not your DH's fault. But I do feel your pain. Maybe upgrading to a house with a room each for all of you may be a good idea?

I'm feeling the pain of the fellow snoring sufferers.
I actually request extra night shifts as it's the only time I get a good sleep as DP is at work.
Was lying in bed beside him last night & honestly the noise was fucking horrific, I was actually having violent thoughts & can almost understand how folk go crazy & murder someone.

Friends of mine had similar problems. They bought the adjustable type beds where they are a double but can be hired and lowered independently.

He has his head up a bit and it has completely stopped his snoring and she has the leg part bend to help with night cramps. Because the beds are a bit separate the other tossing and turning isn't too much of an issue.
Both swear by the new beds. Could something like this help?

Also, why do snorers fall sleep so damn fast! DH's head hits pillow, asleep and fully snoring within 2-3 minutes.

He used to say, try to get to sleep before me so you don't get disturbed.

Sofa bed has really changed everything.

Oh God if you can afford it, buy a new bloody house!

With bedrooms for all.

I was engaged to a snorer, long long ago. I wanted to kill him many a time. It's not your DH's fault he snores but surely going to his GP is the very LEAST he could do. Also, not your fault!

Nothing wrong with separate bedrooms if you hang out in each other's regularly :-)

OP I feel your sadness. Since our eldest 2 have flown the nest I've moved myself into one of their empty bedrooms. And after years and years of snoring I'm in some kind of silent heaven. I hear no noise whatsoever and it is bliss. Downsides are - I really miss him/cuddles and its bloody freezing sleeping alone in winter and it makes me sad too. We are currently doing up DC1's old bedroom with the intention of turning it into our new bedroom and tbh I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to it or not. I've kind of got used to bed being a place of sleep and I'm pretty sure DH is feeling much less bruised now that he hasn't got me continually kicking/screaming at him to shut up every 5 mins throughout the night.

It sounds more to me like normal pregnancy sleep issues which will maybe calm down once baby arrives

I'm such a light sleeper when pregnant due to restless legs and being generally uncomfortable.

Plus I'm less tolerant of others so find it easier to get snappy at dp when he wakes me up once I'd finally dropped off, but that's also due to the tiredness.

Also - lots of people have a 2 bed house and 2 children. Children can share a room. If you really want your own bed back

We are currently doing up DC1's old bedroom with the intention of turning it into our new bedroom and tbh I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to it or not.

As the voice of experience - DONT DO IT!

I managed to fall asleep last night in his quiet phase and I stayed that way until our toddler came into us at 6.15am.

Can it still be sleep apnoea if the snoring isn't happening every time he falls asleep?