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Original poster

To be resentful of DH after only a week of sharing a bedroom again?

137 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 02/05/2017 01:01

For the last 18 months or so me and DH have had separate bedrooms for various reasons and it has been heavenly.

We would spend our evenings together, move to his room for film/tv/sex/chilling or whatever and then when it came to going to bed I would head off to my room.

However, I'm now pregnant with DC2 and to cut a long story short, to make way for our upcoming arrival me and DH are now back in the same bedroom and it's driving me MAD!

He moved into 'my' room about a week ago and I'm finding the transition back to sharing a room at night really difficult. The first night we shared the room again I ended up migrating to our toddlers room at about 2am because I just couldn't cope with DH's tossing, turning and snoring.

Since that first night he's spent a further two nights on the sofa because he knows he's keeping me awake at night.

It's currently 00.50am and I'm wide awake drinking a cup of tea after DH has yet again made his way to the sofa because I find it impossible to sleep when he's next to me. His snoring is so irritating, he makes loads of annoying sleep noises and even the sound of his loud heavy sleeping breathing grates on me. I lie awake, tired but unable to sleep and I feel myself just getting more and more annoyed.

Every now and then tonight he'd stir, realise I was still awake and say, "How come you aren't asleep darling?" and I would feel like screaming.

I miss my own space, I miss being able to have early nights if I want them, I miss being able to sit up and read a book if I want to and I miss being able to fall asleep in the peace and quiet and know I'm going to have a restful sleep.

I'm actually having to take 2 hourly naps in the afternoon now to make up for the fact that I can't sleep at night now we're room sharing again. I'm so tired.

I'm pretty sure he's missing having his own room too and I think he feels bad that he's preventing me from getting a good night sleep anymore.

I can't bear the thought of this being long-term. I obviously love the bones of DH but I just can't see how this is going to work. Perhaps I should give it more time for me to get used to sharing again and hope I can learn to drown out all his fidgeting and snoring but I'm worried it's just going to cause arguments and rifts between us.

Sorry for the long post, I'm just exhausted and frustrated and needed to rant Sad

OP posts:
user1491572121 · 02/05/2017 02:18

"Our house is three storey and the bedrooms are spread out over two floors. My bedroom is on the top floor with DS's bedroom and DH's bedroom was on the middle floor"

Then get two beds. It's one of those things OP. Unless he has refused to see the doctor about the snoring, there's not much you can do.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 02/05/2017 02:21

Good quality sofa bed in playroom is the solution
(posted from "my" room next door to his room...)

Flyingprettycretonnecurtains · 02/05/2017 02:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AcrossthePond55 · 02/05/2017 02:41

My DH snoring sounded like you were standing 2 feet from a jet taking off. He went for a sleep study and ended up with a CPAP. It took a bit of getting used to but he says he sleeps so much better and deeper when he uses it. Plus, no snoring. It just has a low gentle 'hiss' which I actually find soothing.

Get your DH to the doctor.

Theycalledmethewildrose · 02/05/2017 02:46

I'm not pregnant but due to various reasons (kids who don't sleep), DH and I have been sleeping separately for quite a few months. Our eldest kept coming to our room and it was too hot with three of us in bed so DH went to the spare room or I went to DC's room. As DC has now settled a bit, DH and I are both back in the one bedroom and I HATE it. I like space, I like having the light on until I want to turn it off, I like listening to music as I fall asleep and that is before all his bloody noises and the way he ends up on my side of the bed.

I do'n't know what to say or how to approach it without hurting his feelings. I really prefer sleeping on my own.

Flyingprettycretonnecurtains · 02/05/2017 02:59

I suppose these are the reasons that the 'gentry' and rich in days gone by all had separate bedrooms. I'm going to try going back to sleep. Wish me luck!

SarahOoo · 02/05/2017 03:26

Me and my husband's sleep in separate rooms and have done for 90% of our time living together. We are just not sleep 'compatible'! We can get on OK in our super king bed but really we sleep way better apart. Over the years friends and family question it, even our mums asked what we do about sex 😂 (...do the dirty & then 'goodnight' and one of us goes back to our own bed).

For the sake of your sanity I'd rejig the living situation and have two bedrooms again. Store some of the baby junk in th bedrooms but two beds is clearly much nicer for you guys....to me that's just common sense.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 02/05/2017 06:45

What has he done about the snoring previously (before moving to separate rooms)? Nose strips, mouth guard, GP?

It always amazes me the number of people on MN who have OHs who snore dreadfully but are so selfish they won't do anything to deal with it despite the impact it has on their nearest and dearest. Refusing to visit GP, not losing weight/stopping smoking or alcohol/refusing to wear a mouth guard because it's mildly uncomfortable at first till you get used to it. Angry

shinynewusername · 02/05/2017 06:53

On the subject of GPs, it's worth asking yours about your iron level, OP, as low iron can cause restless legs syndrome. It's very common for iron to be low in pregnancy (I'm a GP) and a slightly low level often doesn't need treatment, but - with the RLS- you might benefit from topping up, even if you're only a tiny bit low.

wowbutter · 02/05/2017 07:00

Can you not get a sofa bed? Then he or you can sleep in the living room and out it way during the day. Or, minimise the child's crap in your current living room, get some better storage.
Your issue is solve able. Stop moaning and solve it.
You clearly can't sleep together, so find a way.

Years ago, when DH and I shared a studio style flat, with three rooms, we slept separately. I slept in the bedroom in the single bed, he slept in the living room in a futon that he put away in the day. Find a solution instead of complaining.

AlternativeTentacle · 02/05/2017 07:03

Make the old small living room into a bedroom and use the old bedroom as the new living room?

Vegansnake · 02/05/2017 07:09

I did a thread on this yesterday,my dh snoring keeps me awake more than my newborns did.i do sympathise,I end up going to bed early..it's hard not to feel resentment,when he wakes refreshed and I'm tired and grumpy.

Bananamanfan · 02/05/2017 07:11

Could your ds's bedroom be the playroom? That way he can have all of his toys in his room & play on same level as the living room.
Do you have an integral garage? A garage conversion can be quite cheap (compared to a loft conversion.

julessussex · 02/05/2017 07:14

This could be me, I do sympathise. My husband snore and sweats at night. I am a 'hot' person and it drives me nuts, I'm so uncomfortable. I would absolutely love a bed to myself but he would be so hurt if I said it, ridiculous really.

It's not easy sleeping next to a guy, sometimes I'm clinging to the edge of the bed just trying to get away from him.

NapQueen · 02/05/2017 07:14

Could you swap bedrooms upstairs so ds has the biggest and put all his toys in there. Only bring down a tub of toys a week and swap them round so the living room doesnt get over crowded.

Then you move back down to the playroom and put the cot in with you. Once new baby is sleeping through put them in with ds.

cordeliavorkosigan · 02/05/2017 07:17

He could have sleep apnea. Does he stop breathing for say a minute and then have a huge gasping snoring inhale? Anyway he should see a doctor. If it's something like sleep apnea it can do long term neurological damage. My dh didn't end up with the cpap because getting his septum straightened and tonsils out fixed it. Much, much better for both of us and we can share a bed fine now.

hotcrossbun83 · 02/05/2017 07:17

I would put your dc on the first floor opposite the living room so they have a bedroom/playroom. Then you each have a bedroom upstairs, you get the bigger one so a cot can be added. Reassess when the baby is 6 months. This may not all seem so bad once you're not pregnant (and so exhausted from night feeds you just pass out)

cordeliavorkosigan · 02/05/2017 07:19

And you need sleep far more than your ds needs toys. Do you have a loft? Yes to having few toys around at a time and swapping them, get rid of some , whatever. Sleep is a priority!

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 02/05/2017 07:20

The problem we have is that the two rooms opposite each other on the middle floor are both good-ish sizes but one alone cannot function as a living room for four and provide space for DS's toys never mind adding in all the things we need for the baby, it just wouldn't have been manageable. The changes we have made had to be done, there was no way around it and we simply can't go back to just using one of the rooms as a living room and transform the other one back into a bedroom. In about 12 months time we're going to need the room to put the new baby into as well so we really can't justify having a whole spare bedroom to enable us to sleep separately. We were always aware that the space we had to allow for separate rooms was a luxury we had that not everyone did.

I hate the lay-out of the house, it's so un-family friendly and impractical in so many ways. It drives me mad. DH bought it before we met and then I moved in with him. I can see why it's quirky layout would have appealed to a young single guy but as a family with young children, it's just really annoying. Ultimately in a few years time both our children will have to sleep on a different floor to me and DH and I don't like the thought of that.

DH isn't overweight, doesn't drink, and doesn't smoke but has just always been a snorer.

shinynew - I regularly have my iron levels checked due to my anaemia and my latest result was a Hb of 99 which was down from my Booking level of 108. I'm on treatment for it so I'm hoping things will improve.

OP posts:
JustMumNowNotMe · 02/05/2017 07:22

DH snores like a trooper.

I wear foam earplugs and this blocks 85% of the noise, my ipod dock playing the sounds of heavy rain and thunder take care of the rest Smile

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 02/05/2017 07:28

Could your ds's bedroom be the playroom? That way he can have all of his toys in his room & play on same level as the living room.

we did consider that and ultimately I think that's what will have to feline but I not sure how well DS will sleep knowing that DH are in the living room opposite him. Plus that room overlooks the front of the house and we have a big issue with our wanker neighbour having parties until all hours of the morning and the noise from all the coming and goingd would keep DS awake. I also don't think I would be able to sleep well knowing that DS was in a bedroom on a different floor from me, I would be worried about him getting up and causing mischief etc or traipsing up and down flights of stairs looking fit us and then falling or something.

The long term idea is that in the future the now second sitting room/playroom will be mine and DH's bedroom and the two children will both sleep upstairs on the top floor and I suppose it's just a case of trying to find a way to manage practicalities until that can actually happen.

OP posts:
Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 02/05/2017 07:30

Sorry for all the typos - I'm too tired to be able to type correctly I think Sad

OP posts:
JustMumNowNotMe · 02/05/2017 07:33

Why have you swapped already if its that bad? Your baby will be with you at least y months so what was the rush?

JustMumNowNotMe · 02/05/2017 07:34

Y? 6 months obviously!

Oysterbabe · 02/05/2017 07:35

WSS^^
Surely the baby will be in with you for 6 months so why has he moved back in now? The baby will be keeping both of you awake.