Livid

[Crazyhair12]

AIBU here? I have just found out that my husband and his ex-partner took their child to the doctors together!! Nothing serious, just a minor skin ailment!! AIBU to be so f'ing annoyed that he never told me and I found out by mistake?

I think if they often do parenting appts etc together it probably slipped his mind, it has a few times with me, if you have a good relationship with the ex I think it was probably a genuine mix up, like I saw I forget to mention things sometimes but never to decieve, just forgetfullness

say not saw ffs

What did he say when you calmly and sensibly asked why he didn't happen to mention it?

The OP does clearly say "their" child in the very first post. Husband and his ex took their child to the doctor.

Do you have a reason for this being an issue, OP?

But why does it matter? You sound extremely controlling

Maybe he thought he doesn't need to run every trivial little activity past you.

Did he forget to mention the doctor visit altogether or just that his ex was there?

Sorry but YABU and your reaction is bizarre without further context

How long have you been together?

you are 'livid' that your husband acted like a father to his child?
OK.... Do you have children together?

Why would you need to know?

I feel really sorry for your husband if you've been giving him shit about taking his kid to the doctors.

Maybe he didn't think to mention it because he didn't think it was a big deal if it was just a normal doctors appointment.

I don't see the issue here at all to be honest.

Your OP does come across as sounding jealous that they took their child somewhere together and you didn't know. Do you have control/trust issues?

YABU. A childs doctors appointment is a parently thing so it shouldn't be an issue for you then. You sound jealous.

So you were left out of the loop. Sorry, but they must have had their reasons. Unless maybe one had thought the other had told you? Just a miscommunication or something.

Why do you feel that you should have been told? I cant understand why you are so angry about not being told about something that isnt anything to do with you.

Is he aware he has to inform you of everything he does with his ex in relation to the children and did he agree to live by these rules?

If so, I'd still say livid is a bit extreme for a docs appt, and if not then you're being hugely unreasonable.

Is there a backstory here? I am guessing you're jealous of any time he spends with her? Are you worried about his feelings towards her?

I don't get it. They took their child to the doctor? What are you livid about that for?

Why would you need to know about this?! You're not entitled to know about everything your DH does. You're reaction to this reveals everything about why it's likely your DH chose not to tell you.

Why on earth are you so livid about this?! Bizarre!

Unless there's a massive back story that you're going to drip-feed, then you are definitely being U!

YABU to be livid about it.

The DCs Dad often comes to doctors and hospital appointments for the DCs with me, he was actually really helpful one time when the no nonsense assertive dad approach worked much better than them fobbing off the 'neurotic mother' (me) again. That one conversation he had with the consultant got all the tests done I'd been politely asking for for months!

I'm sure there's times he's forgot to tell his partner too but ironically enough she trusts him and knows the DCs come as a package.

"I have an issue with not being told!!"

Do you normally expect him to tell you everywhere he has been? Does he usually tell you about everything he does? Are there trust issues?

If the answer to these three is 'no', then I don't really understand what's bothering you.

I can understand that you feel out of the loop. I know it's not your child, but I can understand you would like to know what's going on.

YABU

Eh?

So ? So what ? Maybe the reason he didn't tell you is because he knew you would react like this . I wouldn't have told you either .