To be feeling hurt by this conversation

[Fab39ish]

I am a Sah and have been for the last 11 years bar a bit of part time work.
I have said for a number of years that we really should be sorting out some kind of pension for me. I have a workplace pension which has been frozen since I gave up work. Dh currently pays in some £400 into his own pension.
Each time I mention it I am told o you don't need it as we have mine which I guess is true.
Anyway it came to a head again today as we have some funds from a bond and an inheritance coming out way. This is an inheritance from his family if relevant.
We have spoken about how we will make dome home improvements which I am fine with.
He than said that the rest can go into either his ISA, ISA's for the kids or his pension.
So I again said what about a pension for me? Cue same answer well you don't need it and if I die first you will get my pension. Don't know if it's even true.
So AIBU to just set up a Dd from the joint account to a pension in my name since clearly he has no intention of doing anything about it.
Sorry ling but feeling really low down in the pecking order right now.
Not helped by it being my birthday last week and I had to sort my own present as I didn't say exactly what I wanted. ( well he could have asked).
Yet had enough time to treat himself to something which cost over a hundred pounds.

Because Makeup - it is possible for the DH to be "right" from a financial perspective but still irrational from an emotional intelligence perspective which would presumably be annoying. An ideal response may have been "this approach may be financially more astute but I can see it makes you feel x,, y or z.."

You need to find out what the terms of his pension are. When my father died my mother got half his private pension. Fortunately it is large enough for her to live on comfortably.

DH and I are in the US. We started up a joint retirement fund when I was working full time. We mutually agreed I would give up work to care for our children as a SAHM, DH pays into the retirement fund on the basis that it supports both of us.

I would check what state pension you are entitled to, agree with previous posted re claiming child benefit as this gives you credits. If you haven't paid enough national insurance/ got enough credits you can top up to ensure you get state pension. www.gov.uk/check-state-pension

Another thing to consider (and the sadly widowed morning may be able to comment on this? Sorry for your loss morningconstitutional )
Is that financial matters after a death can take forever to sort out and you may need access to funds at that time more than ever! Especially as a sahm with his income suddenly disappearing. Unfortunately I have seen it happen to friends/family.

Also you say dh so I'm assuming legally married but if not you're in an even more precarious position financially upon his death.

Putting the inheritance money into a pension for you would be a good move. As far as I am aware you will get 25% added to it from the gov. You can't access it until you are 55 though

You don't need to actually be claiming child benefit for the government to be paying into your state pension, just be eligible to claim. I stopped claiming once they brought in the new rules, but they still pay into my state pension.

I'm a SAHM and have my own SIPP - invest £2880 a year into it and the government top it up to £3600. Also have my own ISA. I also opened a SIPP and ISA for my son, too. I manage all of these myself.

I think you need to press this.

My dh persuaded me to sell my savings accounts (which I had set up years before I met him, instead of having a pension), and he said he wouldput my nameon his pension. So I sold them and lost a lot of money doing so (we were horrible broke at the time and couldn't afford to pay into them at that time). His financial advisor came round a few months later to sort it all out. She asked him if he wanted to put me down as a beneficiary and he said no. I was so completely gob-smacked....well, I couldn't say anything, no words came.

I'm now 58 and disabled, unable to hold down a decent ft job, though I'd love to, and am looking at a future with nothing but what he deigns to give me.

Don't be me. I was a fool.

You must continue to claim child benefits as that way NI contributions are kept up to date. So what if he has to do a tax return - it only takes a few mins to complete online if you are already registered.

O Jux that is terrible.

When he salary dropped I reinstated it although I didn't stop claiming as such just merely opted out big receiving it
I do have some savings in my name mainly in the child benefit account so could cope for about 4 months but after that I would struggle if he died and the estate took a while to sort.

yes please think about all of the alternative possibilities look carefully at all of the rules around his pension. My uncle thought that his pension would pay out for his wife if he died (she had never worked) and that he was putting her in a secure position. Unfortunately he passed away after being retired for a number of years and he didn't realise that in this situation she would get nothing. In fact she survived him by more than a decade and was in really tight financial circumstances.

Think about all of the possibilities (divorce, critical illness, dying before retirement, pre-deceasing you in retirement) and identify where the gaps are. It is not a particularly happy exercise but it could really save you pain in the future.

TBH, his inheritance his choice. I'd not want my family to leave money for it to go to a spouse, no marriage is guaranteed but his children will always be his children.

You could always work if you want your own money and pension.

I know people won't like this, but having always worked myself and paid into my own pension, I find it odd that you expect your husband to pay into yours. It just seems strange to me in a world where lots of Mums work, you are totally reliable on your husband and have been for eleven years. Did you not consider the consequences of not paying into a pension when you made the decision to stay at home? I know people will shoot me down in flames for this, it's just hard to imagine being in that position as I've always been self reliable.

Mamia, you don't need to claim child benefits to receive the state pension contribution. Just be eligible to claim - i.e. have claimed in the past. I don't claim mine. Once they changed the limits I stopped claiming. All my NI contributions have been paid in full (I've just checked them online using @Ishoos very useful link). It's also worthwhile checking your contributions as I've just seen that for one tax year I don't have a full set of contributions (was the year I was pregnant). I'll be making a voluntary top up to ensure I'm up to date.

Even if you got half his pension, if you split up you would be living on half a pension, it probably isn't enough. Two pensions are probably ok to get by but if you separated it would be two homes to be run etc.

You seriously need to get some proper advice, though some posts are very helpful, and you need to know how much of his pension you will be entitled to. And it is hard to argue with him when you don't have the full facts.

Thanks for tips. I have worked I. The last 11 years but only around child care responsibilities and certainly not earning enough to pay I to a pension.
I have looked at going back to better paid and more regular work several times but dh hasn't been that supportive as he doesn't want to pick up the slack at home by me working.

O and I currently still have a preschooler. I will have more options km September when she starts school.

Plus rainbows I had a house and savings before I married. In fact I actually paid for one of dhs cars from my savings.
Soviet isn't a one way street.

So it. Auto-correct hates me.

The phrase and sentiment are irritating because they presuppose that the OP doesn't need to worry her pretty little head about these things, when actually the issue is differing priorities. The DH wants the most attractive financial option even if it leaves his wife feeling insecure. The OP wants to feel secure. It is not okay for him to assume his 'astuteness' takes precedence over his wife's preferences.

Mumzypopz

Yes, they will shoot you down. Deservedly. A SAHP is doing half of the working parent's job as parent (and usually quite a bit of their share of cooking and housework). It stands to reason that the financial benefits of the working parent'a ability to go out and earn a salary are shared. All of them.

That auto correct is hilarious! Sometimes you just have to forgive it because it's almost worth having it

Sorry to be flippant and irrelevant, though.

Isn't even that astute trifle if he pegs it one month into retirement as I am assuming his fat pension will die with him. Far better to have two separate pots even if mine is lower.
Although my pension accrued during my 16 years of working full time is pretty good.
Although my pension accrued whilst working full timers pretty good.

The first thing you need to do is make sure your NI contributions are up to date. I am not sure if you are not working how this happens. Because if they are not you will not be entitled to a full pension. I am not 100% sure of the rules but this would be an area of concern if I was not working and paying into a pension.

It looks like the government will top up contributions so definitely worth putting in the £2600 pa and the government top up to 3600- see above. If you can afford this.

Find out more about his pension. Many companies now have an independent platform whereby the payee owns the money rather that a company pension. If that is the case the entire pot is part of the estate.

Do your research and if you can confirm the government 20% top up that makes good financial sense.

More importantly you need to look after yourself, so it looks like you need to get back to work and DH is going to have to help more.

Good luck