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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have never felt degraded by the fact I don't earn "my own" income?

999 replies

Incognit0 · 30/04/2017 19:58

I'm fairly new to MN, but recently have read a lot of threads which seem quite judgemental about women who do not work outside the home, particularly once the DC are at school. I have never come across this attitude in real life, so wonder if MN is an anomaly, or if I'm actually missing something?

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 30/04/2017 23:31

Before having dc I couldn't have understood not wanting to work - well you know, apart from the super rich. Since having 2 dc, I can understand it a lot more! I've never been a sahp but I've enjoyed 2 maternity leaves and now just work 3 days a week. The dc are 3 and 5, so one at school. I feel like as a family we're just managing ok but I can't imagine working ft again anytime soon. I still love my job but family takes up a lot more of my head space now and I'd happily reduce my hours even further if it made sense (but it would make work too difficult). So I do understand why some families have sahp with older dc. I would always just be nosey and jealous about how they afford it!

TinfoilHattie · 30/04/2017 23:32

Totally agree with Incognit0. I'm in the same position - DH earns a massive salary and can only do that because I'm here to do all the other stuff, from cooking the dinner to running kids around to organising the house. It works for us, as a partnership. We don't have "his" money and "my" money, it's all our money. I do work part time for myself but earn less than £10k a year and it's not really the sort of work I could scale up to full time easily (and no, it's not Forever Living). I'm not constantly thinking that I have to earn enough to cover all of my costs in case DH buggers off. What a depressing way to live.

It suits us as a family me being flexible in my work and being able to work around DH and his job. I have never wanted a "career", I have a degree and am not stupid, I use my brain in my part time work but have no interest in office politics or the 9-5. I did that for 10 years between Uni and kids and didn't really enjoy it. If I ever do go back to work full time it will be something easy and hassle free.

I don't judge people who work full time, that's their choice. I expect the same courtesy in return.

NataliaOsipova · 30/04/2017 23:32

Unemployed just means you're not in employment or self employed

Not according to the Office for National Statistics. Or, indeed, any economics textbook. Or newspaper, for that matter.

StealthPolarBear · 30/04/2017 23:32

According to who tinsel? When the unemployment figures come out they exclude people who are outside te labour force.

TinselTwins · 30/04/2017 23:33

obviously you need to be eligible for the workplace to be unemployed, it's a strawman to say "what about my 10 year old" when we're talking about employable 20/30/40/50 year olds who are not in work.

StealthPolarBear · 30/04/2017 23:33

Otherwise the unemployment rate would be well over 25% - as about that proportion are children alone - you'd then need t factor in pensioners.

SemiNormal · 30/04/2017 23:34

I don't judge people who work full time, that's their choice. - I don't think many people work full time by choice, more necessity.

StealthPolarBear · 30/04/2017 23:34

So according to who?

StealthPolarBear · 30/04/2017 23:35

So people who retire at 50?

TinselTwins · 30/04/2017 23:35

Not according to the Office for National Statistics. Or, indeed, any economics textbook. Or newspaper, for that matter

Do they include able bodied 30 year olds?

StealthPolarBear · 30/04/2017 23:35

Yes if they're seeking work

NataliaOsipova · 30/04/2017 23:36

obviously you need to be eligible for the workplace to be unemployed,

Exactly so. As I said - you need to be available and actively seeking work. So this includes someone applying for jobs and claiming JSA, but excludes a pensioner/SAHM/lottery winner. It's a very well recognised concept.

StealthPolarBear · 30/04/2017 23:36

Google the definition of unemployment. I've not seen one so far that includes people who aren't seeking work.

StealthPolarBear · 30/04/2017 23:37

Whose definition would you consider authoritative?

TinselTwins · 30/04/2017 23:38

Exactly so. As I said - you need to be available and actively seeking work. So this includes someone applying for jobs and claiming JSA, but excludes a pensioner/SAHM/lottery winner. It's a very well recognised concept

not everybody seeking work claims JSA

What about all the SAHMs who claim they would work if they could find a term time job but poopooh anyone who replies that their workplace is hiring and does term contracts

Goldfishjane · 30/04/2017 23:38

Bjgjh, you're more crazy than my dad and that's saying something.

I'll be bloody overjoyed to tell people I've retired. My folks packed in work at 75 but that's probably not good enough for you.....

NataliaOsipova · 30/04/2017 23:39

Do they include able bodied 30 year olds?

As Stealth said, they do if they are actively seeking work. Otherwise not.

StealthPolarBear · 30/04/2017 23:40

Looking forward to telling my mum she's unemployed now.

NataliaOsipova · 30/04/2017 23:42

What about all the SAHMs who claim they would work if they could find a term time job

Depends whether they are actively seeking work or not.

bjhgj · 30/04/2017 23:43

You're of working age and are able bodied (presumably) so in my opinion you are unemployed. I don't care if that's the economic term or recognised one or whatever... It's just how I would class you. I didn't say it was a bad thing.

Btw what about the complete wronguns who are clearly not seeking work and sitting around claiming benefits... Are they not unemployed!?!?

StealthPolarBear · 30/04/2017 23:45

Sorry who are you addressing?

annandale · 30/04/2017 23:45

I thought the term was 'economically inactive' which is awful considering the value of unpaid work to the economy.

NataliaOsipova · 30/04/2017 23:47

Btw what about the complete wronguns who are clearly not seeking work and sitting around claiming benefits... Are they not unemployed!?!?

To claim unemployment benefit (I believe), you need to be registered as available for and actively seeking work. Even if you aren't actually seeking work. So yes, someone in those circumstances would be included in the unemployment statistics.

StealthPolarBear · 30/04/2017 23:47

Very good point Anna. I wonder if "outside the labor force" was an attempt to move away from that.
The my opinion thing does make me think that if I can't see te curvature of the earth then it's my opinion that the earth is flat and that is as valid as any other opinions.

rmrf · 30/04/2017 23:47

Meh who cares. We're all going to die eventually - just do what works for you and your family.