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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask your opinion on renewing wedding vows

166 replies

Whatsername17 · 30/04/2017 19:27

Really interested to hear other people's opinions on this. An acquaintance of mine is renewing her vows on her 5th wedding anniversary. The event is going to be like a second wedding - big dress, wedding breakfast etc. I was chatting to dh about the venue, which is lovely, and dh said it would be nice to renew our vows one day. We've been married 7 years. I quite fancy doing it, but just us and our kids in Vegas or somewhere similar, perhaps for the 10th or 15th anniversary. Dh thinks friends and family would want to come so we should do it here. It's all completely hypothetical but mumsnet is always good for a general consensus before I consider the idea or bin it off completely. What I'm basically asking is people's opinions on vow renewals. Naff or not? It's not a judgement on my friend either, I'm very much a 'do what makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt anyone' so I'm not making a judgement.

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 30/04/2017 19:31

I think the whole second wedding thing complete with dress etc is a bit much, especially after only 5 years and I would def baulk at buying a present (please tell me they don't have a list or anything?!!). On the other hand, its a nice excuse for a bit of a party, isn't it?! My parents renewed on their 50th wedding anniversary which I thought was really touching, and then went for lunch with friends.

shineon · 30/04/2017 19:34

Its naff!

Original poster
Whatsername17 · 30/04/2017 19:34

I'm not sure if they have a list. I doubt it and, if we were to do it, I wouldn't.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/04/2017 19:35

I think it's a bit naff, particularly at early stages. I do favour a big do for a milestone anniversary though. I also think it's more forgivable if people have had a tiny low key do the first time and can only later afford a big bash. Otherwise it seems a bit desperate.

gamerwidow · 30/04/2017 19:36

Naff imo you've made the vow and legal commitment, either you meant it and stuck to it or you didn't its' not really something you should have to do again.

Would be better to have a big anniversary party instead even then 5 years is hardly a landmark (neither is 10 really). Proper landmarks start from 25 years (silver).

Neolara · 30/04/2017 19:37

Half the guests will be speculating about which one of you has had an affair.

Allthewaves · 30/04/2017 19:37

pile of rubbish imo. Seems many people try it as a sticking plaster. I kind of get it after 20 years or so but wouldn't u just have an anniversary party

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 30/04/2017 19:38

I always think its after one party has had an affair or the marriage is in biiiiiiiiiiiig trouble. Its the modern equivalent of the Elastoplast baby. It won't stick your marriage back together. If you want to have party, have party.

PaperdollCartoon · 30/04/2017 19:38

I would always think if someone was renewing so quickly, there's a reason why and probably not a good one.

Couple I know got married, she had an affair within a year, they split up got back together... renewed at around 3 years married 'for a fresh start'. Hmm

Hulder · 30/04/2017 19:38

Means one of you has had an affair

annandale · 30/04/2017 19:38

I personally think vows are vows and don't need renewing. Either you meant them at the time or you didn't.

Having said that, having had a non-religious wedding, in a later phase of our lives we felt we wanted a religious marriage blessing. I took a day off work (dh wasn't working, dh in childcare) and we had a church service that was just the two of us and the vicar, our own choice of (short) readings to each other and then went out for lunch. It was rather beautiful. My only regret is that we didn't take a snap before lunch as the only photo is after the meal and I'd got a bit pissed and pink-faced Grin

So I'd say if you want to renew your vows, fine, and having your children there might be nice. I personally wouldn't particularly want to go to a family member's vow renewal, especially after only 7 years.

ImAllShookUp · 30/04/2017 19:39

Vows do not expire!

Someone's cheated.

PeaFaceMcgee · 30/04/2017 19:39

Attention seeking bollocks and would wonder what had gone wrong in the preceding 5 years. Will this be every 5 years?!

annandale · 30/04/2017 19:39

sigh ds in childcare, obvs

AgathaMystery · 30/04/2017 19:39

I dunno. My friend is doing it for her silver wedding and is excited.

I meant my vows and don't need to say them again. But I see how happy my friend is.

Pestilentialone · 30/04/2017 19:40

Why renew your vows unless one or both of you has broken them?

ChicRock · 30/04/2017 19:40

Yeah my first thought when I hear about a couple renewing their vows is "hmm which one cheated".

ImAllShookUp · 30/04/2017 19:40

@annandale that sounds interesting, and lovely, and something I'd quite like to do! Was the vicar ok with the idea or did he/she need some convincing?

Blossomdeary · 30/04/2017 19:40

Can't see the point myself. Vows is vows for all time.

AuntieStella · 30/04/2017 19:40

A heck of a lot of people will assume that a vow renewal marks an attempt to repair after a major issue such as infidelity (unless it's part of a weding anniversary of 25 years or higher landmark - but even then many people would skip a vows ceremony and have a reception-type party with speeches).

Running off for a couple/kids only cheesy ceremony in Vegas is just a bit of fun (I suggested dumping DCs with GPs, and running away to be re-done by Elvis to DH, but as he had conniptions, we never did).

So in your shoes I'd have a memorable US family holiday, with a service if you fancy it. And then an anniversary party, or parties, at whichever landmarks you like.

Noodledoodledoo · 30/04/2017 19:41

Can understand for 25 years onwards. Think that is something worth celebrating. Or just a big party! Or just immediate family or like you say on a holiday.

The whole complete renacting the wedding day within 10 years I think is a bit naff!

To be honest I would be a bit suspicious and think something had happened - but I am a cynical old bird!!!

Fluffycloudland77 · 30/04/2017 19:41

I think it's when the dhs cheated.

MrsELM21 · 30/04/2017 19:41

Naff, I wouldn't do it

milliemolliemou · 30/04/2017 19:41

Grief. 5 years? I would understand if they wanted a quiet blessing but another wedding type thing? Sounds as if they have more money than sense, but each to their own. I'd stick to your and DH's plans for a good holiday on your 10th and look forward to a big party for your 30th.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 30/04/2017 19:42

I don't see the point at all. We said them and meant them, why do we need to publicly confirm we weren't lying?

If people want a party and a bit of a show about marriage, I like a wedding anniverary party better.