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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask your opinion on renewing wedding vows

166 replies

Whatsername17 · 30/04/2017 19:27

Really interested to hear other people's opinions on this. An acquaintance of mine is renewing her vows on her 5th wedding anniversary. The event is going to be like a second wedding - big dress, wedding breakfast etc. I was chatting to dh about the venue, which is lovely, and dh said it would be nice to renew our vows one day. We've been married 7 years. I quite fancy doing it, but just us and our kids in Vegas or somewhere similar, perhaps for the 10th or 15th anniversary. Dh thinks friends and family would want to come so we should do it here. It's all completely hypothetical but mumsnet is always good for a general consensus before I consider the idea or bin it off completely. What I'm basically asking is people's opinions on vow renewals. Naff or not? It's not a judgement on my friend either, I'm very much a 'do what makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt anyone' so I'm not making a judgement.

OP posts:
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 30/04/2017 21:32

I see ideas you're trying too prove something. Take seal and Heidi klum they did it every year, look at them now. I see it is a last ditch attempt. Maybe that's because anyone I know who has renewed their vows one has had an affair.

MissClimpsonsTypingBureau · 30/04/2017 21:32

ImAllShookUp I'm a vicar and if you asked for something similar to what anna described I'd be delighted to do it and wouldn't take much convincing! Ask them Smile

hibbledobble · 30/04/2017 21:33

I don't get the need to renew vows either.

I think a party for a significant anniversary is sufficient, there is no need to renew vows as well. For a 5th anniversary it seems a little odd too.

liquidrevolution · 30/04/2017 21:38

I know of 4 couples who renewed their vows with big church blessings and parties after. Marriages ranging from 6 to 25+ years.

All now divorced. My DMum refused to do it when DDad asked if she wanted to. She said she quite likes being married to him so would rather not!

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 30/04/2017 21:39

MrsBeverly I can see that in your circumstances renewing vows would be a lovely idea

FelixtheMouse · 30/04/2017 21:43

Totally pointless if the marriage is sound; totally desperate if it's not.

FelixtheMouse · 30/04/2017 21:44

Love your name *MissClimpson".

LRDtheFeministDragon · 30/04/2017 21:46

Renewing vows - well, why not? My grandparents did after 50 years of marriage, and it was quite nice.

An excuse for another wedding - bit naff. A friend of mine who got married in 2014 is having a second wedding this year. The first one was apparently not enough. I am bombarded with 'reminders' from her gift list, and I've been let to know it's deeply inconsiderate I've used the intervening time to have a baby. Hmm

Only1scoop · 30/04/2017 21:50

It's tacky and unnecessary

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 30/04/2017 21:51

Whatever makes people happy really but I've been married over 25 years and haven't felt the need to renew our vows as I don't think our vows ever 'ran out'.

I know three couples who renewed their vows but in each case the marriage was already in trouble and ended within a year of the renewal.

Meekonsandwich · 30/04/2017 21:52

Haha I never thought about that that you only renew when someone has broken them!!!

But honestly I think why need to do it? Everyone celebrates their anniversary so why not just have a party or a posh meal? Or wear your wedding dress again for the hell of it?! (Theres an awesome trend for this going round at the moment for those who are sad they'll never wear it again)
Why water down the best day of your life by having one every 5 years?!?! People get fed up and it all feels a bit attention seeking to me?

EatsShitAndLeaves · 30/04/2017 21:52

LRD - I think that's the issue for me.

It's all a bit "second bite of the cherry" to me.

Posts on here like a new ring being blessed as part of a Sunday service, or a delayed wedding celebration are very different.

BalloonSlayer · 30/04/2017 21:54

I would normally think "affair, " unless it was a significant (large number) anniversary.

I know of someone who did it, no infidelity involved, because they [one of them, not both] were very ill. I rolled my eyes a bit as they had not been married long, and so did a close relative who adored them and supported them in every way. But, they are no longer with us and it doesn't seem eye-rolling any more Sad

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 30/04/2017 22:05

Thank you Tw1nset.Grin

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 30/04/2017 22:06

I would like to at some point in the future, but mainly because our wedding was a simple affair because we were skint and I would quite like to do it in more style. However I loathe parties so probably won't do it, or if we do it will be in Vegas just the two of us and Elvis (our first date was at an Elvis tribute night, and neither of us like Elvis - it would be our sense of humour to a tee).

Patriciathestripper1 · 30/04/2017 22:09

5 years just naff, 10 years maybe.

NavyandWhite · 30/04/2017 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2rebecca · 30/04/2017 22:12

Attention seeking or one of you has had an affair. Just spend the money on a nice restaurant with rooms.

2rebecca · 30/04/2017 22:15

Not sure we still have our vows any way. We wrote them for the day so different from the standard C of E stuff. Both married before so no "death do us part" as life sentences didn't appeal to either of us.

rookiemere · 30/04/2017 22:16

But I think OPs idea of doing it in Vegas with the DCs only sounds like a lot of fun. I loved my wedding day and the only strange bit about it is that DS wasn't conceived at that point and it would be nice for him to watch us renew them at some point.

PumpkinPie2016 · 30/04/2017 22:21

Vows should not need to be renewed.

I only know if one couple who did it and that was because she had an affair!

If you want to celebrate - have an anniversary party.

skinnyamericano · 30/04/2017 22:30

Yes to to lovely anniversary party (after at least 25 years!)

No to naff renewal - it makes my toes curl.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 30/04/2017 22:36

We had a MASSIVE party for our 25th wedding anniversary....and a Mass was said for us at the church we were married in.

FreeNiki · 30/04/2017 22:38

It would seem pointless unless you didnt mean your vows the first time.

Roussette · 30/04/2017 22:39

Personally I think my wedding anniversary is a private event between DH and myself. I don't need the world to celebrate it and don't either want to participate in someone else's revisitation of their big day and generally smuggery of being still married

^^ This absolutely! Couldn't have put it better meself!

Unless there is illness involved or you've got back together or something, I think it is weird and naff, unless you go off and do it in private. If you've been to someone's wedding at some point, why the heck do you want to go to their sort of wedding again?! It's between the couple... I remember a thread on here when a poster was upset she didn't get loads of Happy anniversary cards from her family, bridesmaids etc. I doubt my family can remember the date of my wedding and I can't remember theirs!

We've been married over 30 years and when we reached that milestone we went off on the most fab holiday ever - just the two of us. Renewing vows with others there is all a bit Sleb and selling the story to Hello or OK! and then splitting up!

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