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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask your opinion on renewing wedding vows

166 replies

Whatsername17 · 30/04/2017 19:27

Really interested to hear other people's opinions on this. An acquaintance of mine is renewing her vows on her 5th wedding anniversary. The event is going to be like a second wedding - big dress, wedding breakfast etc. I was chatting to dh about the venue, which is lovely, and dh said it would be nice to renew our vows one day. We've been married 7 years. I quite fancy doing it, but just us and our kids in Vegas or somewhere similar, perhaps for the 10th or 15th anniversary. Dh thinks friends and family would want to come so we should do it here. It's all completely hypothetical but mumsnet is always good for a general consensus before I consider the idea or bin it off completely. What I'm basically asking is people's opinions on vow renewals. Naff or not? It's not a judgement on my friend either, I'm very much a 'do what makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt anyone' so I'm not making a judgement.

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 30/04/2017 19:54

My parents renewed their vows on their 40th anniversary. My mum had been very seriously ill when they got married and always wanted to renew.

5 years however is ridiculous!

SmallBee · 30/04/2017 19:57

The only one I've ever been to was when the groom had cheated. Everyone knew and they actually talked about it as part of the renewal vows, something like
' Mary, I have broken my vows by being unfaithful. I now repledge the my vows to you '
It was actually a very moving and powerful ceremony because both the bride and groom admitted their faults in a brutally honest way and everyone there knew already and was invited because they are in the couples lives. It was very sincere and moving.
I know a few of my parents friends do vow renewals now they are having 30/40/50th anniversaries but it's more like a nice party than a second wedding.
So I think those are usually the two most common reasons for renewal.

user0000000001 · 30/04/2017 19:57

We renewed our vows after 10 months of being married.

Yes, we'd both kept our vows until that point.

No, neither of us had cheated.

If you want to, go ahead... people will judge whatever you do, so do what you want!

LagunaBubbles · 30/04/2017 19:58

whatsername oh we had so much fun! We all ended up in the sea - I had a long dress on, kind of forgot the photographer was there..those are the best photos!

Quietwhenreading · 30/04/2017 20:02

user0000 that's quiet interesting, do you mind saying why? 10 months seems an usual choice, rather than say doing it on your first anniversary.

Quietwhenreading · 30/04/2017 20:03

Quite not quiet!! Blush

Redglitter · 30/04/2017 20:03

My parents renewed their vows on their Silver Anniversary. It was in our local church just them, my brother, me & the minister.

My mum wore the outfit she'd bought for their party, a lovely summer dress.

No one else was invited, actually I don't even think they made it known they'd done it. I think that had much more meaning than turning into to a full blown wedding.

I think the whole big dress, bridesmaids etc is ridiculous

Underthemoonlight · 30/04/2017 20:04

A wedding is one day and a marriage can last a life time if your lucky I don't think it's necessary to renew and would suggest they are broken. I think it's nice for a long wedding anniversary party day 25years but to basically have a second wedding to the same man is really cringy to invite guests as treat it as another wedding.

MrsHoneyMummy · 30/04/2017 20:05

Noodledoodledoo Sun 30-Apr-17 19:41:06

*Can understand for 25 years onwards. Think that is something worth celebrating. Or just a big party! Or just immediate family or like you say on a holiday.

The whole complete renacting the wedding day within 10 years I think is a bit naff!

To be honest I would be a bit suspicious and think something had happened - but I am a cynical old bird!!!*

This.
Having just celebrated 30 years I am still keeping my vows and see no need to repeat them - but we did have a bit of a do for our closest family and friends.

BuzzKillington · 30/04/2017 20:07

I think it's naff and silly.

Vows don't expire - why do they need to be renewed?

Mrsmadcatlady · 30/04/2017 20:08

We always thought we would do this at 10 years in... 17 years later, and NOPE couldn't be bothered!

We will do a pagan hand fasting at some point in the future that is just going to be us and the celebrants, but only when the time is right.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 30/04/2017 20:08

People will assume one of you has had an affair.

rookiemere · 30/04/2017 20:10

We renewed ours after 10 days - but that was only because we ended up in Vegas on honeymoon (we were originally in Colorado but it was snowing in June so we headed South).

Dh won some money on the tables so we thought it would be kind of fun to have an Elvis impersonator wedding type thing. Didn't invite anyone though obviously.

I think it would be a fun idea OP and to have the DCs watching would be ace as well. I'm not sure why others need to come along - they've seen you get married once already and unless you've got divorced in the meantime, then it's more of a celebration than a ceremony.

I would have thought 10 years is the absolute minimum if you're inviting people to watch and having a party. Unless maybe your original wedding was rubbish and you wanted something special.

Doing it because one or t'other of you has cheated is incredibly naff, honestly I don't want to fork out money for a fancy outfit and overpriced hotel because my friends DH couldn't keep his pants on.

Giddyaunt18 · 30/04/2017 20:10

I have no intention of ever renewing my vows. Been married for 21 years, perfectly happy and the vows we made were till death do us part. They don't need renewing.

funmummy48 · 30/04/2017 20:11

I think it's a bit naff and it always makes me wonder if one partner has had an affair? If you really want to do it though, go ahead if it makes you happy!😀

Nanna50 · 30/04/2017 20:11

I don't get this renewing your vows thing. I don't understand what difference it would make, if it's not broke it doesn't need fixing.

SmokeCloak · 30/04/2017 20:13

I can't see the point. Most of the people you invite will be rolling their eyes.

TheSecondOfHerName · 30/04/2017 20:13

I can see a place for renewing marriage vows is if one (or both) of the people concerned have broken them.

Otherwise, an anniversary party is more appropriate.

londonrach · 30/04/2017 20:14

I thinking bridget jones and that purple suit so naff

JaneEyre70 · 30/04/2017 20:15

We've been married 25 years next year and are planning an amazing holiday. I don't see anyone needs to celebrate that other than us tbh!!

It seems a bit Katie Price to renew your vows..........I associate it with needing to strengthen the marriage, not celebrate it.

Pigeonpost · 30/04/2017 20:16

Cringey. And as pp's have said, I would automatically assume one of them had been up to no good. Batshit after only 5 years. I know a few people who have done it recently but more like 10-15 years and their (equally naff) excuses were that their kids missed out the first time. A bit odd IMO.

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 30/04/2017 20:17

My cousin did this at 5 years and we were all a bit confused but it turned out she had lost a baby at about 20/40ish and was doing it as a distraction/something to focus on. You never know why people are doing things, i'd just enjoy the party I think. If I renewed mine it would be just the two of us on holiday I think.

AnyFucker · 30/04/2017 20:18

Just have a fun holiday if you want. You don't need an "excuse"

I see vow renewals as attention seeking, money to burn pointlessness or assume someone has fucked around.

MadameSimoneSartre · 30/04/2017 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cornishmumofone · 30/04/2017 20:19

We didn't renew our vows, but did have a big 10th anniversary party. My wedding day was very stressful. My dad was dying of cancer, so we'd had to move our wedding forward, which meant quite a few friends and relatives couldn't make it. It was a relaxed afternoon/evening event - BQ and rounders in the afternoon, disco and more food in the evening. I guess the only bit that might have been tacky was that at the start of the DJ's set, he played our first dance song and I came out in my wedding dress (which was a bit big!).